Huh is not a science
by FollowThatConvoy
Summary: Once upon a time, all Emma can say is 'Huh'. Sequel to The Babbling barbarian she adores. Rated M because of swanqueen baby. (Credits for the cover picture are not mine, found it on We heart it/With or Without You).
1. The Stud

**You asked, I'm back – with smut. This is nerve-wrecking because I don't want to disappoint you, but I promise to give my best shot. If you have suggestions, or even want to request something to be depicted, ask away, dear readers. I'm all ears. Also, I am completely disregarding Zelena's pregnancy. She's merely locked up, in case that wasn't very clear in the 'Babbling' take.**

 **Have fun!**

"Huh, excuse us? Sheriff… Swan-Mills?"

Emma turned around with the hose in one hand and a ragged piece of dripping cloth on the other. It was sunny and warm, and she didn't see a reason why she should not wash the cars in the driveway. She had finished the bug and was getting started with the Mercedes when they called.

Two equally hesitant young girls stood on the sidewalk, and they looked like twins if she considered fashion style and haircuts, but Emma noticed one was slightly taller than the other. They couldn't be much younger than Henry, but boy, those kids looked all like adults these days.

"Hi," Emma smiled. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, it's Amy's cat," the taller one said, pointing her almost twin friend. "We lost him just around the corner, and I think he climbed your fence and hid-"

"In the garage. He always does that," Emma nodded. She was used to the ginger visitor; he would cross their front lawn and spar in the gazebo, where he would flop down and sleep all afternoon. "Hey kitty!" the blonde dropped the hose and advanced towards the back of their house. "Kitty!"

He was a large orange cat, and he loved Regina's lasagna leftovers, so she had secretly named him Garfield. Emma grabbed him by the loose skin behind his neck, avoiding the predictable attack of his sharp nails.

He hissed and made the usual weird, unsatisfied noises as she carried him towards the girls. They squeaked when Emma gave him away and he climbed their heads, escaping to the street.

"Shit," Emma grunted, craning her neck to check if the cat didn't get hit by a car. "Well, he's all yours now."

"Are you hurt, Sheriff?" the shorter girl finally spoke, taking a step closer and holding Emma's arm to check for injuries. "I have a lotion back in my place, I can bring you some-"

"I'll take it from here, girls," said a stern voice behind Emma.

They took a step back and grinned awkwardly; it made them look like they were in pain.

"Good afternoon, Madam Mayor," the taller one waved nervously.

"Sorry about the cat," Amy retreated a few more steps. "We're gonna go now-"

"Have a good day, Miss Brown, Miss Johnson," Regina waved with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

She was holding a décor magazine, and when the girls were gone, she used it to smack Emma's arm.

" _Hey_!"

"Oh, do you need a band aid, Sheriff? Do you need an arm transplant, Sheriff?" Regina rolled her eyes, sounding incredibly unamused. " _Please_. Can't you tell the difference between people in real danger and a horde of debauched, insolent adolescents who have an infatuation for you?"

Emma chuckled. "Gina, they're kids-"

"They were touching your biceps!"

"Hey, c'mon," the blonde couldn't help the laughter as she approached her lovely and angry wife, enveloping her into a wet and dirty hug. "I'm all yours."

Regina accepted Emma's kiss, but then she disentangled from her arms. " _Are_ you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine."

" _Minxes_ ," she grunted looking at the empty driveway and spun on her heels to enter the mansion again.

Rolling her eyes, Emma walked towards the register to turn off the water. She pulled the hose to the other side of the drive and dropped it into the grass, throwing the dirty rag into the bucket. She collected it back drenched in soap and took it towards the Mercedes.

It didn't take her more than twenty minutes to finish it. Regina kept the inside of her car always so tidy that it was really easy to take care of the rest. Her bug, on the other hand, always produced at least one plastic bag of Styrofoam cups, bags from Granny's and napkins with chocolate filling.

When she was finally done, she put the bucket and the hose back into the garage and stretched the rag over a small fence to dry up in the sun. As she walked back to the house, she saw her reflex in the glass doors of the kitchen, noticing her legs didn't look half bad in those jeans shorts and her old combat boots. Except for the messy hair, she didn't look all bad for someone who was halfway towards their forties.

 _Not_ that she was freaking out with the grizzly hair she found the other day or anything…

She glided the door open and before she could step inside, Regina called out from a distant room.

" _Shoes_!"

Grinning, Emma removed her boots and left them on the porch, still not getting how she knew or why she even bothered. Their once pristine kitchen was now covered in plastic, tools and boot marks on the dusty tiles. The wall behind the sink was exposed, and the cabinets under the central island had their doors removed.

Emma loved Sundays. On Sundays, she was not forced to enter their kitchen and find four or five dwarves working and swearing, a butt crack or two eventually catching her eyes. It was a nightmare since Regina decided to remodel their kitchen, but Sundays were okay.

As she stepped into the cool mansion, Emma spotted an empty ice cream pot on the dinner table. Sighing, she walked further into the corridor and stopped in front of Regina's office. Even though the brunette denied it with all her soul, Emma knew she was close to those days, and she knew she would soon be escalated to foot rubs and late trips to buy nuts, low fat ice cream and dairy free chocolate bars.

Regina sat behind her desk, black rimmed reading glasses on the tip of her nose as she fussed about a stack of folders. She was wearing cotton pants and a loose shirt, and even though she was barefoot, Regina always managed to look elegant.

She swiftly moved from one paper to another, tapping her fingers on her desk. Emma loved when she picked red nail polish.

"Too busy?" she asked quietly.

Regina looked up at her. The almost instantaneous and predictable move was to cross her legs. She was horny, and Emma was hot as fuck wearing those scandalous clothes, but she was also angry, so she removed her glasses and raised one eyebrow at the blonde.

"No, dear. Only revising my options before I send in the final list of candidates to your mother."

Since Snow White made it to the Principal's chair, school business was now a huge migraine. Parents trusted her completely for Enchanted Forest's sake, and demanded full attention to their absurd complaints at absurd times, coming to the point of calling Snow at the Charmings' apartment on weekends or late hours.

She had a lot more work than the previous Principal, and after they were interrupted during a family picnic last Sunday, Regina was finally convinced they needed to put someone as second in charge to help Snow.

"Oh," Emma nodded. "Okay. I'll let you get back to it, then."

"What, you're not even going to insist?"

Emma hid her smirk before she turned back to her visibly annoyed wife. "What's wrong, Gina?"

Regina exhaled deeply. She hated that condescending tone. "Nothing's wrong. You're the one acting weird."

"Me?"

"You're not babbling nonstop just to irritate me," Regina picked another folder and put her glasses back on. "I suppose the Emma Swan Fan Club has already satisfied your gigantic ego for the day."

Emma crossed her arms. Regina hated when she did that while she was lecturing, because her muscles disoriented her greatly, and she was determined to remain angry.

Emma, on the other hand, _loved_ Jealous Regina. And she loved Hormonal Regina tenfold.

The blonde spied under the desk; Regina uncrossed and crossed her legs back again in true Sharon Stone fashion. She squeezed her lips tightly to contain the smirk.

"You hurt my feelings," Emma spat back sarcastically. "But I'm willing to help you with the bad mood even though you don't deserve it."

"I don't want your help, and I'm not in a bad mood!"

Emma chuckled. "Oh, you _want_ -"

"Get out of my office!"

"Take off your pants," Emma muttered, shamelessly rolling up her dirty white tank and removing it, throwing it behind her shoulders.

Regina opened her lips to retort, but she had nothing to say against that command – not when Emma stood on her black bra, showing the abdominal area in all her muscular glory. Those stupid, perfectly sculpted lines...

She loved and hated when Emma purposely defied her. The office suddenly felt a thousand degrees hotter, and she was not even surprised when she obeyed.

She _wanted_ Emma.

With her eyes trained on the blonde, she stood up and hooked her thumbs around the elastic band of her pants, sliding it down her legs along with her underwear. She knew that would get Emma off guard.

Emma felt her knees buckle at the sight. Regina was so, _so_ hot…

She walked slowly around the desk and shook her head when the brunette glared at her, trying to take the lead.

"Sit down," she ordered, softly pushing Regina back to her chair.

She dropped on her knees in front of her wife, placing Regina's feet on her shoulders as she advanced with a more than ready tongue. Regina grabbed the armrests for dear life as she threw her head back.

"Oh God, Emma…"

Emma closed her eyes, humming pleasurably when Regina started to gasp and moan at fast pace, pressing her head harder against herself with both hands. She climaxed fast, contorting violently on the chair and against Emma's mouth.

She didn't have time to catch her breath; as her legs felt numb and heavy, Regina offered no resistance when Emma climbed up between her thighs, pressing her jeans against her.

"I want you in," Regina whispered, looking straight into Emma's eyes. "Now," she added through gritted teeth.

Emma merely grinned. She knew that begging look all too much. She discreetly waved her hand and the object materialized between her fingers. Never breaking eye contact with the panting brunette, she attached the rubber toy to the leather belt and moved upwards, on top of Regina, who gasped once she felt the tip touching her.

She had been shocked when Emma first came up with the idea, and even reluctant to pick a color, but hell, Emma almost gave her death by orgasms when she first wore it, especially because it simply felt like it was a part of her body and she knew how to move with it attached around her hips.

"Emma," she groaned when Emma didn't move.

"Yeah?"

"Just… oh," she took a sharp intake of breath when Emma pushed it slightly towards her. "Yes, thrust… hard-"

The blonde grabbed the armrests and pushed herself up. Her breasts met Regina's and she was greeted with a deep, throaty moan that drained all her blood and directed the flow towards her lower belly.

Emma let her hips take control as her brain only processed the orders, Regina's voice echoing deliciously inside her head, _faster harder more don't stop don't stop…_ She lifted her wife from the chair and smacked her against the wall, her arms hooked under Regina's knees, her mouth glued to the brunettes, just as if she could taste her murmurs and moans on her lips.

Regina grabbed her hair, taking in the scent of mud, grass and car soap as the blonde smacked her hard against the wall, penetrating desperately, like she could cram herself inside.

"Faster. Faster. Emma, faster-"

Emma had her teeth and lips on Regina's neck, breathing fast as she kissed her voraciously, feeling her blood boil and her pulse quicken with every moan. That sound was going to be the death of her-

 _Faster faster faster_ , she kept moving her hips as fast as she could, not really having time to worry whether the aggressive wall banging was actually hurting the brunette. Considering the cries of pleasure… probably not.

Emma smacked her palms against the wall, causing Regina's legs to spread further apart. How she did that was a mystery – she had strong arms and all, but they were pretty much the same size and weight. However, she did, and after doing this, she started to thrust harder, and Regina began to moan louder, and louder, and she kept going deeper, losing her mind with the sounds Regina made with the sound of her hips smacking Regina's ass combined.

When Regina came, and she came hard, furiously, and noisily, both women held onto each other and slid softly towards the floor.

Regina lay flat on her back, Emma on top of her and still between her legs, both panting frantically as their hearts slowly went back to a normal pace. The phone on her desk rang; Emma groaned quietly on her ear, and Regina had to make unhuman effort to stretch her arm and pick it.

"H-Hello?"

" _Hi, mom_."

"Henry!" she gasped, her smudged lips immediately cracking into a smile. "It's so good to hear from you!" She tried to muffle her ragged breath, but seeing it was impossible, she reached up again. "I'll put you on speaker."

" _Alright._ "

Emma rolled away and sat up, resting her back against the wall with her eyes fluttering close. She grinned. "Hey, kid."

" _Hi, Ma._ "

"How are you, honey?" Regina asked, grabbing the edge of the desk to prop herself up. She sat down on her chair and spun it to face Emma.

" _I'm okay. What about you guys?_ "

"We miss you," the blonde said, reaching up to hold Regina's outstretched hand.

" _I miss you guys too_ ," he said with a deep chuckle.

"So, how was your week?"

" _Oh, it was cool. My roommate's a funny guy and I think we hit it off just fine_."

Emma frowned. "Funny ha ha or funny because he's on dope?"

Henry laughed and the phone sizzled slightly. " _Relax, Ma. He's alright_."

Regina swallowed hard. His voice made her heart ache even though he sounded happy.

" _I'm going out for pizza with him and a couple of other friends and I thought I'd call now to say hi. We might get back late, so…_ "

"Do not come back too late," Regina said, trying to sound stern but failing miserably when her voice cracked.

" _I'll be careful_."

Emma could almost picture him smiling and considering his next words. " _I'll text when I get back, if you want._ "

Regina smiled. "Oh. I… Yes, could you do that? We love you!"

" _I love you both. Bye, mom. Bye, Ma_."

"Bye, kid," Emma stood up on one knee and disconnected the call. She turned to Regina, whose dark eyes were slightly watery. "Do you wanna go out and get some pizza? We can send pictures to him and brag about ours tasting better. It would be like we were eating together."

Regina reached out for Emma and kissed her with a loving smile. "I love your ideas," she muttered. "And I love you, glutton."

Emma grinned. "Love you back, softie."

"Softie?" Regina let out a wet chuckle. "Who cries in the bathroom every time he hangs up?"

"I don't _cry_ , I'm… allergic to long distance calls-"

"There's my babbling sheriff," Regina kissed her again so she would stop talking. "Let's go eat, stud."

XXX

They had pizza and took a lot of pictures to send to Henry, but out of habit, they ended up making the final stop of the evening at Granny's. Regina had a deep frown when Emma returned from the bathroom.

"Something's wrong?"

"It's Miss Lucas," Regina muttered, looking to her side and then turning back to Emma. "She won't stop _staring_. And I am positive she _winked_ at me. The wolf genes make her act very obnoxiously."

"Yeah," Emma let out a nervous chuckle, which Regina noticed; however, if she was going to say something, she was interrupted when Ruby stopped next to their booth with their order.

"There you go, girls," she said with a shit eating grin that Emma knew all too well. "Hot cocoa with cinnamon… apple and ginger tea," she turned to Regina and grinned broadly.

"Miss Lucas, what's your problem?"

"You can call me Ruby, you know," she said, tapping her notepad with her pen. "Or maybe," she looked at the blonde and ignored her desperate silence "ShadySeller123…"

Her voice trailed off as she turned around and left. Regina turned slowly at Emma. She was going to _murder_ her.

"I cannot _believe_ you told her about the person who sold us… that _thing_!" she said through gritted teeth.

"Gina…"

"What?"

Emma didn't say anything, but the guilt in her eyes gave her away. Regina sighed.

"She _is_ ShadySeller123, isn't she?"

The blonde came forward and rested her elbows on the table. "Who else would sell…" she lowered her voice to a barely audible whisper "- _sex toys_ in Storybrooke, Regina?"

"I have no idea why I didn't see this coming with such a horrible name choice. Not only she is trading without paying taxes, but also she's completely up to date with our sexual life, Emma!" she hissed.

"We bought it without paying taxes to the town either!"

"Well, next time we're driving far from Maine to buy accessories!"

Emma relaxed completely as her tense lips cracked open into a huge, dirty smile. "Oh, so we're buying more toys, huh?"

Regina rolled her eyes, mentally scolding herself for being such an addict.

"Well, you are very talented with them," she said in her most businesslike tone, avoiding Emma's eyes. "I don't see why we should waste potential on that due to logistics. But we're not buying from Ruby anymore!"

"Because you want to discourage resale?"

"Because I don't want her grinning at me like a pervert every time we come here!"

"Oh," Emma chuckled. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you it was her, I just… "

"I forgive you," Regina narrowed her eyes and offered a dangerous smile. "On one condition."

"Oh boy."

"I'm wearing that thing next time."

"Oh _boy-_ "

"Shall we hurry home, dear?"

"Yes please," Emma breathed, quickly standing up as she threw the money on the table and pulled Regina with her towards the exit.


	2. The Plumber

Life was pretty much the same in Storybrooke. Regina missed Henry most of the time; some days it was tolerable, others she could barely stand it, but all in all it was Emma's efforts that kept her sane and happy.

Regina loved escaping from town's urban scenario to _do it_ inside Emma's atrocious car, and she loved the quick runs to _do it_ in the adjoined bathroom in her town hall office. It was all very absurd, considering they had a _house_ full of rooms, but she gathered it was Emma's version of having fun – to _do it_ anywhere they could get caught.

Henry had left a month ago, and sometimes Regina wondered whether Emma was desperate to distract her from their son's departure or just worried that they were in a route after four years.

Either way, her motivations were valid and welcome. Start the day looking forward to a 'surprise' of that nature was making Regina feel ridiculously young and giddy; that routine had her catching herself smiling more often than not, and this gesture knew no boundaries – it happened both when she was alone and when she was pretending to listen to some dull citizen complaining about potholes.

Council Meetings were the worst. Emma usually attended those, being Sheriff and all, and she would keep on sending the most obscene proposals via text to Regina's phone – which was on top of the table, vibrating like hell, making people frown a little.

"Sorry. It's our son. He's in New York," she would say with a proud smile, only to discreetly turn to Emma and shoot daggers at her with her eyes. Emma would smirk and turn to their interlocutor, ignoring Regina all through the rest of the meeting, making her angry and turned on.

Regina was still reading the last text she got from Emma. It was literally written pornography, and she groaned out loud when the speech she prepared last night simply _disappeared_. The public session was about to start, and all she had in mind now was the very graphic suggestion Emma came up with that early in the morning.

"Are you ready for them, Madam Mayor?" Kathryn asked, popping her head inside the office.

Regina was about to answer, when a wave of foreign nausea hit her stomach. She grimaced instead, and that had her secretary enter the office looking worried.

"Regina?"

Her voice seemed to come from a distant place as she sank into her chair and passed out the second Kathryn hurried to her side…

XXX

"Let me through!" Emma barked, trying her best not to elbow some people standing on her way. "Where's Regina?" she spat once she reached the counter.

The nurse in charge looked bored; you could always count on Sheriff Swan to make a huge fuss as though the former Queen was dying.

"She is in the recovery room. She is fine," she said.

"It's Swan-Mills," Emma grunted before she turned on her heels and hurried to the right wing of the hospital, missing the nurse's face of utter surprise.

Emma burst into the room and let out a sigh of relief when she saw Regina scold Whale.

"I am not dying, _Victor_! Unfortunately for you."

"Oh, you're fine!" she breathed, waving at Katheryn, who was sitting on a chair next to the bed where Dr. Whale unsuccessfully tried to keep Regina still. "Hi," she smiled at the brunette. "How are you, honey?"

"I'm _fine_!" Regina rolled her eyes. "It's probably low blood pressure, I don't know why everyone is making such a huge event out of this!"

"Maybe people were placing bets on the cause of death," Katheryn suggested as she went flippantly through a magazine.

"Are people this bored?" Dr. Whale asked, taking notes on his clipboard, and then turning to Emma. "I wanted to make a few more tests, but she won't let me. It's _most likely_ low blood pressure, but I wanted to rule out other conditions. That's really up to you, Sheriff."

"Oh, so now you're going to ask permission to _her_ as though I am not in the room?"

Emma tilted her head to look at Regina around Whale. The brunette was fuming.

"Could you give us a second?" Emma asked to the room at large. Whale nodded shortly and left. Kathryn stood up and took the magazine with her, muttering _Good luck_ under her breath as she passed by Emma.

"I heard that!" Regina snarled, and then folded her arms like a spoiled child when the blonde sat down on the mattress.

"Gina? What's wrong?"

As absurdly mad as Regina was, she couldn't help softening when Emma sounded so worried like that.

"I felt nauseous and weak. I lost consciousness for a second. I am okay."

The Sheriff frowned, not looking convinced that that was it.

"I miss him too," she said quietly. "We don't need to wait until Thanksgiving to have him over. We could go to New York visit him this weekend. You should have said something."

"Emma."

Her voice was soft and loving again. Emma loved to hear her name like that. She smiled fondly at the brunette, who looked absurdly emotional for someone who was spitting fire a second ago.

"We're a team, dumbass. You have to talk to me," Emma scoffed playfully, hugging her to give her privacy as she cried. She knew Regina hated to feel vulnerable like that.

"Oh, where's the Mind Reader Savior when we need her?" Regina grumbled in a thick voice, squeezing Emma's middle. "Can we go home now?"

"Yes, we can go home," Emma grinned, texting her dad to take over and call if there was any emergency. "I'll talk to Whale so he can discharge you, okay?"

"All right," Regina nodded, appreciating the fact that the blonde just knew to let her be for a minute. She put her shoes back and collected her purse, leaving the room after wiping the tears away. She took a deep breath and joined Kathryn on the corridor. "Thank you for bringing me, Kat. Clear my schedule for the day and you can go get some rest too. I'll work from home, people know where to find me anyway."

"Call if you need help," her friend smiled and turned away to leave.

Regina was about to look around for Emma when a clipboard blocked her view.

"You have to sign this."

Regina took it and turned to see who the petulant nurse was. She rolled her eyes at the sight.

Red hair. Green eyes. Ridiculously tall and thin.

"Hello, dear," Regina muttered, snatching the pen out of Nadia's hand and signing her release form. "My name is Swan-Mills, now," she said, squeezing the middle name with her neat handwriting, even though that was not necessary. Everyone in that hospital _knew_ who she was, Swan hyphen Mills or not.

"I know," Nadia grunted, snapping the clipboard and the pen back from Regina's hand. "Have a good day, Madam Mayor."

Regina scoffed and swore under her breath the moment Emma stopped next to her. The blonde threw a knowing look to her wife.

"You shouldn't let her bother you this much."

"As Sheriff, I am positive you would find yourself in a conflictual situation if I threw a fireball right to her face and destroyed her pretty little nose, Emma."

"It's been four years!" Emma said, hurrying to keep up with Regina's pace. She was a lot fast for someone who was in ridiculously high shoes. "And I didn't mean you should act on it, I meant ignore her."

"She's still acrimonious after four years!"

"Are you gonna stoop to her level?"

"Do you _know_ what acrimonious means?"

"Did this conversation go four years back in time and you're just being plain mean to me because you want to?" Emma snapped.

Regina sighed. They were standing next to the bug in the parking lot. "I am sorry. I... I'm feeling weird today."

Emma opened the passenger door for her and then kissed the top of her head. "Let's get you warm and fed, Madam Mayor. Hop in."

XXX

" _Hey, mom._ "

Regina smiled when his voice sizzled on the other end of the line.

"Your overzealous mother is a helpless case. She shouldn't have bothered you while you are in class just because-"

" _You were at the hospital_ ," Henry cut her. " _Of course she had to let me know_!"

"Yes, side with her," Regina rolled her eyes, feeling oddly hurt even though she completely understood he was being more rational than she was.

" _You know I don't take sides anymore_ ," he chuckled, unaware that his usually sensible mother was feeling oversensitive. " _How are you? Better_?"

"Yes, honey, I feel fine," she smiled in spite of things. "Thank you for calling. It means the world to me."

" _Listen, if you feel up to a roadtrip, you and Ma should totally come visit me this weekend. I have a friend, Amy, she's eager to meet you two because we're… huh… the cutest family she's ever seen or something_."

Regina's heart melted every time he sounded awkward. He sounded _just_ like Emma…

"That's very sweet of her, but I don't want to ruin your weekend plans, honey. We'll see about that on Friday."

" _Okay. You won't ruin anything, though_." He made a brief pause, and Regina felt his uncertain words lingering before he actually voiced it. " _How's Violet_?"

She sighed. He was obviously hurt but trying to sound neutral, and that was a trait he got from her.

"We saw her at the drugstore the other day. She looked a little put off."

" _You don't need to lie just to make me feel better, mom_."

Regina wished she could hold him in her arms.

Violet was picking lipstick colors while her new boyfriend had one arm around her shoulders. He wore leather and reeked of cigarettes, like a younger version of Hook.

" _It's okay, mom. I have her on Facebook, I know she's with someone. I just wanted to know if she's_ -"

Happy. Regina knew her son, and she knew he was far more comprehensive than any boy of his age.

"I think she was just embarrassed to run into us."

" _Yeah… okay, so… I gotta get back. Call me if you need anything, alright?_ "

"You do know that's the other way around, right?" Regina asked.

" _It works both ways, mom. Love you."_

"I love you too, honey."

Regina kept her phone pressed against her chest as she stared blankly at the TV. Emma was dealing with Leroy in the kitchen, because what was a simple remodel turned into broken tiles and leaking pipes.

She remembered noticing Henry and Violet looking distant during his farewell party, and when she asked later that night, he told her they had decided to split up since she was not following his academic pursues and would be staying in Storybrooke with her father until she decided what to do.

Maybe he felt alone, leaving home and losing a girlfriend along the way. Maybe a visit from his moms would cheer him up, in fact. Feeling slightly better with the perspective, she stood up from the couch and decided to tell Emma they should go to New York.

When she arrived at the kitchen, however, she saw three dwarves standing in half circle, arms folded as they tried to comprehend the muffled explanation that was coming from the sink drain.

Regina approached them and met Emma's jeans clad ass, her head stuck in the cabinet under the sink as she spoke.

"If she's is going to do your job, you can leave," Regina told the dwarves, who offered non-committal shrugs and got out through the back door.

Emma crawled out of the sink with a few smudges on her tank. She tucked the wrench on her back pocket as she cleaned her hands on her pants, frowning at Regina's look of astonishment.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling sick again?"

"No… I feel good. I just didn't realize my kitchen would need plumbing services."

"Huh, well, that's what happens when the only tools they can handle is a pickax."

"Did you fix it?"

"Huh, yeah."

"It's too bad I don't have any cash-"

Emma's jaw fell open. So Regina was into the role play for real. So Regina had watched porn at least once in her life even though she never admitted it.

The blonde bit her thumb fingernail, as if considering it. Then she looked up at Regina with the most serious expression she could manage.

"I'm sure you can think of something, ma'am."

She could feel the air electrify around them as Regina moistened her lips slowly.

"You. Bedroom. Now."

XXX

Henry sneaked in back to his seat as the professor continued his speech as though he had never left. His mother had sounded different, even though she said she was okay. He wrote a quick text to Emma.

 _Keep an eye on her. She sounded off. Love you._

He didn't get a reply, but he was used to his ma's inability to answer right away. He put his phone back into the pocket of his jacket and turned around, sensing a pair of eyes on him. Amy was smiling when their gaze met. He smiled back goofily, glad that he had at least one friend taking Literature with him.

The professor's voice was monotonous and even, and as he always felt like he was dying slowly in his classes, at least Amy was there to pass notes the old fashioned way, because she refused to purchase a cellphone.

She threw a piece of paper at him.

 _Is your mom okay?_

He wrote quickly under her scribbling.

 _I think so. Prepare the canvas. They're coming this weekend, probably._

Her reply came quicker than Violet's texts used to come.

 _Awesome!_

Grinning, Henry turned around, taping his pen at his notebook as he decided it was time he started taking notes.

XXX

Emma tossed her last dart and it hit the target a millimeter from where David's was. He took a few steps forward and collected them from the board, splitting them between him and his daughter.

"So, I heard you are a very skilled plumber too."

Emma gasped, throwing the dart recklessly with the surprise; it ricocheted off the wall and fell inside an empty glass vase.

" _What_?" she asked in a squeaky voice.

"That wasn't your best shot, Em," he chuckled. "Leroy was telling everyone last night. He's a bit upset you took his and the other dwarves' jobs," David said absently minded as he tossed another one.

"Oh," Emma sighed, horrified for a second with the possibility of the dwarves discussing their private life with the rest of the town. That game of being reckless finally took its toll on her. "Well, his job is not done yet. He hit a pipe with a pickax, and I had to fix a leak before my kitchen flooded. He's still got _lots_ to do," she said, throwing another dart to the center of the dartboard.

"Well, you better tell him, because he doesn't know that," he went to retrieve the darts again.

"I'll talk to him later. How's mom? Neal?"

"They're okay," he smiled, hitting the target for the third time. "What about Regina? They were talking about her at Granny's last night, too."

"Low blood pressure. She's not eating well with that pandemonium going on in our kitchen, she can't cook. And of course, she misses Henry a lot."

"I bet she does," David nodded comprehensively. Even though he hated that Emma had to grow up alone, he had no idea what he and Snow would have felt in case they were not oblivious about their daughter's existence for twenty eight years. It would probably be pure agony.

"We don't need to bring up the curse again, Dad."

He looked at her with a frown. "I didn't bring it up."

"But didn't you just…" Emma's voice trailed off as she looked confusedly at nowhere in particular. "I could've sworn I heard you just now…"

"Can you read minds?" David let out a nervous chuckle. "I was thinking about it, about it not being so terrible for your mother and me because we didn't _remember_ until you broke the curse."

"Well, I guess this is just too much familiarity," Emma shrugged, trying to sound unimpressed. "I mean, we _are_ family, and I stay with you all day, every day. Our minds connected, somehow. It's actually science."

"Sure," he smiled reassuringly. "That must be it. If you wanna come over for dinner tonight, we can cook actual food for Regina. Cooking is also science."

Emma grinned, feeling her stomach actually grumble in anticipation. "I'll ask her if- oh, she just texted me-"

She slid her lock screen and tapped the pop box to read the message. She chuckled.

 _I was wondering whether you could bring something delicious but fat-free from Granny's to my office. I feel hungry._

Emma grinned at her Dad. "I'm going out for lunch. See? Synchronized minds. Science."

"Your _stomach_ should be science. I saw you eat a box of donuts not even ten minutes ago!"

Laughing, Emma grabbed her car keys and waved at him. "I'll talk to her about dinner tonight. See ya!"

"Later, kid," he waved back, winking at her.

XXX

Emma made a quick stop at Granny's to pick up food, then she drove to Town Hall, getting a parking spot almost at the front of the building. She felt lucky that she made it all in fifteen minutes, and that was why she was so surprised when Regina looked at her with her eyes narrowed.

"Why did you take so _long_?"

"I… I went to get food-" she said with a frown. "What-?"

Regina sat on top of her desk, and Emma was confused at first when she kicked off her shoes. Then it became clear when she rolled her tights and her underwear down her beautiful legs...

Emma dropped the paper bags on the nearest chair and walked unceremoniously around the large desk.

"So… You were hungry."

"Starved," Regina muttered with a devilish smirk that had Emma standing on her toes. "We have ten minutes before Kathryn's back. Lock the door."

Emma snapped her fingers and heard it click behind her back.

For a second, she actually considered talking some sense into her wife, but the way Regina was looking at her when she hooked a finger on the belt loop of her uniform and pulled her closer…

Screw caution.

XXX

Snow White hummed happily as she crossed the front walk and entered the Town Hall building. She had a basket with fresh pears for Regina, and she was glad she finally had some free time to do that. She had spotted the yellow bug parked a few feet from the entrance, and well, that would be a double surprise.

She thought it was strange when she didn't find Kathryn at the front desk, and then she noticed the Gone for Lunch note she left pegged onto the back of her computer's monitor. Still humming, she went past her desk and reached out to knock at the door.

There was a muffled, strangled cry and then a low thud.

"Regina?" Snow asked with a frown, turning her face to put her ear against the door. She heard hurried steps and fast breathing, then metal sliding, the rustle of tree leaves and a distant groan. And then finally soft but hurried steps.

Regina's face was flushed when she flared the door open.

"What?" she asked impatiently, only then noticing it was Snow.

Her pencil skirt was slightly rolled up above her knee, and she was not even wearing panty-hoses as usual. Not to mention that she was barefooted. And there was a leaf on her disheveled hair.

"Bad time?"

Regina sighed. "I'm sorry. Get in," she beckoned Snow to follow her inside her office. "I was, huh, exercising a bit. You know, some Yoga. And Pilates."

Snow hated herself sometimes, but she couldn't help her observant nature to ridiculously _obvious_ facts– yellow bug, three paper bags from Granny's and a person escaping through the window and falling painfully on the bushes outside while Regina was still panting inside.

Emma, obviously.

Having sex with Regina inside her office during lunch.

Obviously.

Snow ruining people's happiness.

Typically.

"I thought I'd drop by and give you this," she pushed the basket awkwardly towards Regina. "I used to eat those to help with nausea. Actually, I was pregnant with Emma when I did, but… It helped. I thought it might… you know. David told me Emma left the station in a hurry yesterday because you were at the hospital."

"Oh," Regina slumped down at her chair very ungraciously, wincing slightly at the sudden impact. She was deliciously sore, but it didn't feel that good now that she was tense. "That was… lovely. Thank you, Snow."

Regina looked somewhat bashful, and that was a word Snow never thought she'd use to describe her daughter-in-law. There was something else different about her, but she could not quite place it just yet…

"Well, I don't want to… interrupt your work out any more than I already have, so… You and Emma should come by and have dinner with us, if you want," Snow said, getting up from her chair to leave.

"I'll talk to Emma about that. I'm waiting for her just now so we can have lunch together," she added. "But I might stick to those," Regina eyed the pear basket guiltily.

Smirking, Snow nodded and waved, leaving the room as quickly as she could. In the front lobby, she ran into Emma. She was panting slightly; there was a tiny tree branch poking out of her awful hair, and she had a smudge of dirty on her cheek.

"Hi, mom!" she breathed out, smiling awkwardly as she placed her hands on her hips. "I was going to-"

"Have lunch with Regina?"

"Yeah!" she nodded with an even bigger and forced smile. "Lunch!"

"Well, enjoy it. I noticed paper bags from Granny's," she smiled fondly at her juvenile daughter, patting her shoulder as she walked away.

XXX

When Emma re-entered the office and noticed Regina biting a pear, she sighed in relief.

"That was close-"

Regina rolled her eyes but grinned at her adorably clumsy wife. "You have mud on your face, dear."

Emma sighed. "Shit."


	3. Well shit

**I love your reviews, seriously. This is dedicated to anyone who's taking their time to bear with me. Viva la SwanQueen :)**

Snow watched as Ruby swept the same pile of tree leaves again, only to a different corner of the fence. She seemed lost in thought, but she flushed instantly the second Dorothy turned around the corner, hands in her pockets, looking flippant.

Ruby snarled under her breath and kept sweeping the front walk of Granny's, this time even more unfocused, scattering the leaves she had already gathered.

Snow merely sipped her latte as she watched the scene. When Dorothy got closer, she waved at Snow and winked at Ruby as she walked towards the diner's front door.

"What's up, Wolfie?"

" _Damn_ ," Ruby mumbled, narrowing her eyes as the other woman entered the restaurant.

When the door closed, she let out a deep breath.

"What was that?" Snow asked with a smirk.

"That what?" Ruby spat, avoiding her eyes as she noticed she would have to start sweeping again.

"Weren't you _kissing_ in there, l don't know, a _month_ ago?"

"Yes, we were, thank you for keeping track."

"Ruby?"

The younger woman turned around with a helpless look on her face.

"I hate her. And I'm attracted to her. I just want to act on the hate, so. Yeah."

"Ruby," Snow chuckled. "Isn't it easier to act on the love?"

"I'm _not_ in love with her!"

They heard someone scoffing as the bell rang. Dorothy came out with a Styrofoam cup and walked past between the two friends again. "Bye, Snow. Later, Wolfie."

"Call me Wolfie one more time and-"

"What? You're gonna chase me on your broom?"

Ruby let out a groan of frustration as Dorothy walked away. "I need a brick. And I need you to keep an eye out for witnesses," she added as she turned to Snow, who grinned.

"Your case is far more severe than-"

"Don't you _dare_ compare me with the biggest _fornicators_ of Story-"

She couldn't finish her sentence because she was splashed in the face by Snow's latte. Maybe she was overly sensitive, and maybe - just maybe - Dorothy affected her more than she would like to admit, but seeing Snow White _laughing_ like that while she was covered in spit _and_ latte…

"Yes they are! I don't want to be dependent on anyone like that! I don't want to be in a route so that I have to buy toys to have kinky sex on any corner or surface available in this cluster fuck of a town!" she yelled.

"Jesus," Snow muttered, throwing away the rest of her drink. She had spent her _day_ trying to get rid of the mental picture of what she _almost_ saw at Regina's office, and now Ruby just threw it all back to her face – with extra details.

She looked around the corner, hoping David wouldn't take so long to arrive. Then she realized that her best friend clearly needed help.

"Instead of leashing out on me, why don't you join us for dinner and you can _talk_ about your little affective problem?"

Ruby shrugged, feeling slightly embarrassed. "You're just being noble to make me feel bad."

"Yeah, whatever you say."

Ruby chuckled, bumping her shoulder against her friend's. "Maybe you could check the catalogue, so you and Charming can spice up things a little-"

"Oh, so _this_ is the business you're running on the side. _You_ sell the toys."

"You don't sound thrilled."

"I didn't need to know my daughter bought your… stuff."

Ruby grinned deviously. "Not just stuff. A _massive_ -"

" _Ruby_! Oh, there he is!" she exclaimed desperately when David turned around the corner in the Cruiser. "Thank God!"

"Hello, ladies!" David greeted them with a smile, opening the passenger door as Neal jumped up and down on the backseat.

"Ruby is joining us for dinner," Snow said grumpily as her friend threw the broom up the fence and climbed up next to Neal. She was a little concerned with Ruby's influence on her younger child.

"Oh, that's great!" David grinned, genuinely happy. "Em just texted me, she and Regina are coming, too."

"Oh _dear_ God…"

XXX

"Are you gonna tell me why you're acting so weird?" David hissed while he removed the roasted meat from the oven and Snow prepared the gravy.

"I can't tell you right now, they'll be here any-" The doorbell rang. "-minute."

"Fine, I'll get it," he muttered, walking towards the door while he watched Ruby playing with Neal in front of the TV. "Hey!" he smiled warmly at his daughter and daughter-in-law. He ruffled Emma's hair and turned to Regina.

"Still no," the brunette smiled at his lame attempt of disheveling her coiffed hair. He hugged her like he always did, instead, and pulled them both inside.

"Gina!" Neal quickly stood up and ran to hug her.

"Hello, little rascal," she squatted slightly to stay eye level with him. "What are your parents burning today?"

"It does run in the family," Snow commented, referring to the _Regina effect_ on her children. "I'm glad you came, sweetie," she hugged Emma. "Get up, let's feed you," she beckoned Regina up for a hug, making the brunette roll her eyes. "I'm serious, come on!"

Regina straightened up and allowed the woman to embrace her, hugging her back with a discreet smile of her own that she hoped no one would see.

"I am fine," she grunted. "Why are you acting like I was about to die?"

"You lost some weight," Snow said disapprovingly. " _Both_ of you."

"Are you… working out?" Ruby suggested as she sipped her beer. "I heard couples do that more often. You know, when their kids fly away from the nest."

Snow White went pale with the insinuation. Emma turned an ugly shade of crimson and Regina scoffed out loud, tapping the confused looking David on the shoulder.

"I need something to drink."

"Sure," he nodded with a frown. _Women_. "What would you like? Wine?"

Regina refrained from agreeing instantly. Something told her that her stomach was not a hundred percent healed yet to welcome alcohol – even though she was sure she would've needed some to survive dinner.

"Do you have juice?"

"Oh. Of course, I'm sorry!" David hurried to the fridge, from where he collected an orange juice carton. "You were nauseous. That was tactless."

"That's fine, David," she smiled, but she suddenly wanted Emma to go out and buy her apple juice instead. She turned to look for her wife and found her busy in the living room, glaring at Ruby from across the couch, and Ruby was glaring back as though their lives depended on this.

"Dinner's ready!" David announced, and they all stood up quickly to take a seat by the table.

All in all the meal was surprisingly uneventful, everything considered. Except that Emma couldn't help noticing how little Regina was actually eating from her plate. She tried to ask, but the brunette merely shook her head to indicate they should discuss that later.

She didn't want the Charmings and Ruby fussing about her sick stomach. Again.

Suddenly, Regina started to crave pears, and the thought of them sitting on a basket on top of her kitchen counter made her mouth water.

As they were done with dessert and sat comfortably on the couch, Emma automatically had one arm over Regina's shoulder, which was the perfect excuse to pull her closer and whisper in her ear without looking too suspicious.

"Are you feeling okay, Gina?"

"It's just indigestion. And maybe too much cilantro," she grimaced at the memory of the taste of her least favorite condiment. "Could you stop by that twenty-four seven market on our way home, dear? I could kill for some apple juice _and_ those chocolate chip cookies."

Smiling, Emma kissed the top of her head and inhaled the scent of her hair. It could literally bring peace to Earth, in her very biased opinion. "Of course, sweetie. Let's get the hell out of here and take care of that, c'mon-"

As she stretched one hand to help Regina get up, Ruby watched them with contempt from across the living room, which didn't go unnoticed by Snow. After the two women bid them good night and left, she made sure Neal and Charming were distracted enough with the dishes so she could concentrate on the Grinch of relationships.

"They are cute and all, don't get me wrong," Ruby said before Snow could approach her with the subject. "But how do you guys do it? They're entangled _all_ the time! It's like… How is that possible, how do you keep sane and-"

Comprehension dawned on Snow's face before Ruby even finished her reasoning on long-term, monogamous relationships.

"Ruby, you're not gonna eat Dorothy."

Ruby relaxed and slumped ungraciously on her friend's couch. That's why Snow was her oldest friend – because she just _got_ it.

"I may not eat her, but can you imagine your date getting out of the movie theater because they're going to turn into a wolf in the back alley and howl to the moon?"

"You could talk to her, you know," she shrugged.

"Have you ever _heard_ her? The way she talks to me? Like she's so superior, and… and…"

"Ruby, c'mon. We both know that's a façade. Look at Emma. Look at _Regina_! God, Regina was virtually a lost cause… Everyone just wants somebody to love them, and I don't care if you think I'm cheesy. It's the truth. If that's why you hate relationships, you hate it for the wrong reasons. Tell her. It's a part of who you are, and if she's not okay with that, well, she's not good enough for you."

Ruby kept staring at her knees for a long time, but deep down she knew Snow was right. The problem was, what if Dorothy _wasn't_ okay with that? She would rather not know and deal with frustration than being rejected and have to mend a broken heart.

"So…" Ruby looked up at Snow with a small smirk. "Did you notice Regina's… front commission?" she placed both hands in front of her chest like she was holding two bowling balls. "Was that some sort of Evil Queen corset or did you daughter manage to knock her up-?"

"What's knock up?" Neal asked from the kitchen.

" _Ruby_!"

"Well, shit."

"SHIT!" Neal screeched, jumping on the couch with a wooden sword that belonged to Henry.

"RUBY!"

XXX

"I think we should go to New York this Friday," Regina said, closing her eyes when Emma reached down to rub her lower back. "Mm, yes, right there."

"Okay," the blonde muttered, concentrated on her task. Regina was sitting between her legs on bed, with her back turned to her.

"Do you think we're going to have our kitchen back by Friday?"

Emma smiled, stealing a cookie from Regina's hand. "Are you going to make lasagna for him?"

"I thought I could," she said, taking another cookie from the pack. "This is so unhealthy that I cannot believe I'm eating industrialized cookies instead of the ones I make!"

"I'll talk to Leroy tomorrow."

"You need to watch those dwarves, they're getting careless and lazy," she said, sipping her apple juice. "A bit more to the left, please. I'm feeling… I don't know."

"What?" Emma asked with a frown, not interrupting the massage. "You don't feel okay?"

"It's this... This craving for utterly unhealthy and weird food, and then I feel nauseous because I ate them, like… My brain and stomach dueling."

"Are you feeling nauseous right now?"

"A little."

Emma chuckled. "Well, if that wasn't completely impossible, I'd say congratulations, Mommy."

As Regina remained silent, Emma literally dragged her ass closer to her wife so she could place her head on her shoulder.

"Gina?"

Regina smiled sadly, glad that Emma couldn't see her face. She had destroyed that possibility decades ago, to prevent her mother from taking advantage of that, and now she regretted it.

Because, truth be told, she would have _loved_ to raise another one of Emma's child. _With_ Emma, this time.

Regina knew it was wishful thinking, and the Charmings were to blame on that one. She had become a hopeful person, and that sometimes hurt.

"Well, I think it was just a long week. It's a lot to take in. I can't cook, I don't get to see Henry every day. And David put too much cilantro in that roasted meat. _And_ I just know Miss Lucas will make our lives miserable as long as she lives, so I had to control myself so I wouldn't kill her over dinner."

Emma pulled her closer to her body and just held her, making patterns with her thumbs on Regina's arms.

"And here I was, thinking that I was _rocking_ your world only by making you come three times a day-"

Regina laughed whole heartedly, pushing her back closer to Emma's chest. She was so warm…

"Don't you _dare_ thinking I am not happy! For God's sake, I would have gone to New York and dragged him back a _long_ time ago if it weren't for you keeping me extremely… You know, _satisfied_."

She felt Emma's smile against the back of her head.

"Really?"

"Believe me, dear," Regina turned her head so they could look into each other's eyes. "You are the only reason I didn't turn back into the Evil Queen. You are excellent at making me happy, you idiot."

"Awn, when did you become so cheesy?" Emma grinned, and Regina could see the smugness in her blue eyes.

"God, I can _always_ count on you to ruin the moment –"

"Oh what you're gonna do, your majesty?" Emma mocked her with an amused smirk. " _Spank_ me?"

Regina's lips cracked into a huge, dirty smile, which vanished a second later. She quickly stood up and hurried to the bathroom, one hand cupping her mouth before she threw up in front of Emma. She slammed the door shut and crouched down the toilet.

Emma perched up at the edge of the mattress and waited for the splattering noise. Vomit was _definitively_ a mood killer.

" _Emma_?"

"Citrus cooler?"

" _Yes, please_."

She sighed and stood up, ready to fight dust and plastic to grab a Gatorade bottle from the fridge downstairs.

Regina was sitting by the bed when Emma returned. Her hair was sticking to her right cheek, and she was sniffing, looking embarrassed. The blonde sat down and passed the drink to her, instantly placing one arm over her shoulders.

"We're gonna ask Whale to run those tests tomorrow."

Regina knew Emma wasn't asking. She drank it up and rested her tired head against Emma's shoulder, taking in her scent. It was a wonderful and familiar mix of soap and body lotion. She closed her eyes and nodded vaguely.

"Fine."

"Fine," Emma nodded, kissing the top of her head, dragging her softly towards their pillows. "Wake me up if you need anything, okay?"

Regina adjusted her body against hers as she pulled her arms tighter around herself. "Okay. Thank you, dear."

"You warm?"

With her eyes closed, Regina kissed Emma's hand. "Always."

"Night, Gina," Emma whispered with a smile, kissing the back of her head.

"Good night, dear," Regina whispered, softly entangling her fingers with Emma's as she quickly drifted off to sleep…

XXX

"Are you sure? I don't feel okay with this."

Regina leaned on the Cruiser's window. "I'll just make routine tests, dear. I feel a lot better than yesterday, and in case I get sick, I _will_ call you."

"Fine," Emma grunted.

Half of Storybrooke was out of power due to an odd and unseasonal storm in the middle of the night, and even though the Power Company guys were on their way, it was always good to be on patrol in case there was any kind of street riot. It was David's day off – Neal was going to be on a school play, and Emma didn't have the heart to ask her father to take her duty again.

"I'll be okay, it's probably just something I ate," she said, kissing Emma's cheek with a reassuring smile. "You'll see."

"But call me if you need."

"I promise," Regina smiled, her heart fluttering with Emma's grumpy face because she was an overprotective idiot.

It was against her will that Emma hit the gas pedal and drove away from Regina.

 _Stubborn ass_ , she rolled her eyes, picking up her cellphone from the console. She hit Henry's number and put him on speaker as she drove through Storybrooke.

" _Hi, Ma._ "

"Did I interrupt another class?"

" _It's my break, I'm having coffee with Amy_."

"Oh. Tell her I said hi."

" _Will do. How's Mom_?"

"Listen, about that… I just left her at the hospital for tests, she's still sick," Emma admitted miserably, turning around the corner to one of the neighborhoods affected by the storm. "I don't think her stomach will enjoy the long ride. Why don't you come over instead? She'll love it."

" _Sure, I can do that_ ," he said quickly, sounding excited, and that made Emma smile. " _I'm going to book my ticket as soon as I get home. And tell her to rest, Ma_."

"You try that, she won't listen to me," Emma rolled her eyes, and then she parked the Cruiser in front of a pulled out tree. "Okay, kid. I gotta go. Be safe and well, you know, wear a condom. We don't want accidents."

" _Ma_!"

"And I love you."

" _Love you too_ ," he grunted. " _Jesus_ -"

Emma grinned as she hung up. She couldn't wait to see him. And she couldn't wait to see Regina's face when he got home at last.

XXX

When the Cruiser was gone, Regina took a deep breath and turned to face the hospital's front door. She was not ready to face those curious eyes on her again. When she reached the central counter and asked for Dr. Whale, the nurse looked up and immediately tensed her shoulders.

"I just came back for tests, Mrs. Johnson," Regina refrained from eye rolling as she offered a tiny smile. "Emma enjoys your cat sneaking around our backyard. It _is_ okay."

"I told Amy to keep him locked up, but-"

"Cats will be cats. Don't worry about it. Can I see Doctor Whale now?"

"Right away, Madam Mayor-"

"I'm not glad that you came because that means you're sick again," he said arriving unexpectedly. "But obviously, I'm glad you came."

Regina sighed. "Yes, let's get this over with."

Whale nodded. "Follow me."

She was led through a series of corridors and had her blood tested in a very claustrophobic room. Then Whale asked her to follow him again, this time to a room with a bed and a sonogram machine.

"A nurse will come prepare you," he said by the door. "I'll be right back."

Regina almost laughed at her luck when Nadia entered the room and started to shut the blinds. The younger woman didn't look thrilled to be there, either, but she didn't say anything. She picked a folded gown from a cabinet and stretched it to Regina.

"Put this with the opening to the front," she said quietly, turning around to prepare the equipment while Regina undressed.

Uncomfortably as could be, Regina did as she was told and cleared her throat when she was done. Nadia turned to look at her, and what Regina found in her eyes was a bit of sadness instead of the expected contempt. The hell with that, Regina would have hated to be face to face with a woman that Emma loved more, if that was her.

"You can lie down," Nadia said, holding a pristine bedsheet.

Regina did as she was told, feeling the cold surface on her back. She didn't say anything, but she appreciated when Nadia covered her. It felt slightly less morbid.

"I'll go get Doctor Whale," she announced by the door and left.

The brunette let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She should have let Emma stay; she imagined the blonde saying the most unimaginable things just to make her relax – maybe she would say inconveniently hot things, too, and the thought made Regina instantly smile.

Whale returned quickly, and Regina was relieved when she noticed Nadia wouldn't return to assist him.

"Excuse me," he muttered, pulling the bedsheet down only enough to uncover her abdomen, where he pointed a lotion tube. He squeezed some gel out of it and used the transducer probe to spread it on her lower belly. "This will help us see if there's anything wrong with your-"

Regina lifted her chin as much as she could and he was frowning as he stared at his monitor.

"What is it?" she demanded. "Whale?"

He turned to Regina with a weird smile on his lips. "I didn't know you and Emma were… Well, it worked."

"What worked?"

He looked confused. "The fertilization. If you had said you were trying to get pregnant, I would have ruled out all the other conditions that were worrying me. You're being afflicted with morning sickness, but this will go away in a few weeks, so… Good news. Its tiny heart is beating just fine, and you're both healthy as can be."

Regina sat up slowly, waiting for Whale to burst out laughing. That was extremely ill advised of him, but he'd better be joking. She was going to _incinerate_ his stupid mane of silver blond hair-

"Well, here it is," he pointed a black smudge on the monitor. "I'll print that for you… there you go," he offered her a small Polaroid style picture.

It was her womb. Well, it was a womb with her name printed on top of it.

With something the size of a peanut inside.

Oh God.

She _was_ late.

That couldn't be…

 _Well, if that wasn't completely impossible, I'd say congratulations, Mommy…_

Emma.

Emma's smiling face turned into an angry, betrayed one.

Oh God, Emma was going to _freak out…_

Keeping her face neutral in front of Whale was the hardest thing Regina had ever done in her life. She couldn't breathe, and he was babbling about pre-natal appointments and Lamaze, and she just wanted to go home.

She was on autopilot when he gave her an envelope with the results. He was still babbling how the blood test also confirmed pregnancy but was normal nonetheless. He left the room so she could change, but Regina stood perched on the cold bed for at least half an hour, wearing the horrible gown, holding the papers and the picture.

Oh _dear_ God, REGINA S. MILLS, what you're going to do?


	4. Well shit (Part II)

**Reviews are inspiring, as well as a muse who laughs at my parallel parking skills. Or lack thereof. The more you react, the more I know where to go with this crazy wagon of a story. I'm enjoying it immensely, and I hope you are too.**

 **One more to go.**

Henry felt the air charge around them the second they climbed down the bus. Maybe he should have told his moms that Amy would be coming along, but well, it was not even like she was his girlfriend or anything. And he was getting a kick out of hearing her squeaky and sigh with the view. She was really a bucolic freak.

He spotted his grinning mothers in the middle of a small crowd, and he just smiled at the sight of Emma running and dragging Regina by the hand, and the way Regina actually made an effort to run just because he was standing there.

Only when they caught him in their arms Henry realized how much he missed that powerful thing that his mothers emanated – something that combined their voices and the scent of their hair and the way they looked at him, saying he was _all grown up_ and _what is this ridiculous beard, kid?_

After the three minutes long hug, he caught some sort of… _gap_ between his parents, and what was stranger, they were both looking so _happy_. It didn't look like they were doing that just to spare him from noticing they were in the middle of a fight or something.

Then, on their way home, he finally realized that his beautiful hometown was sizzling with magic, and so were his mothers. When Emma parked the Mercedes on the driveway and went quickly towards the trunk to pick their bags, Henry took his chance. It would be much easier to approach Emma, but he knew it was Regina who got the answers.

He opened the front door to his Mom and the back door to Amy. Emma winked at him, looking proud. He chuckled, shaking his head as he noticed Amy insisting on Emma letting her help with their luggage.

"It's only two backpacks, Mrs. Swan-Mills-"

"Oh God, call me Emma. That made me sound like I'm seventy-"

Amy started to laugh awkwardly, and then Emma threw one of the bags at her and immediately said something to make her relax.

Henry let them interact as he followed his other mother towards the dining room.

"You're not telling Ma the truth about your exams, and she's terrified to ask you the reason why. She thinks you're dying. Or something."

Regina blinked. She was not surprised that their son was sharp enough to figure that all out just by sitting in a car with them, but she thought Emma hadn't noticed anything.

"Literally dying? Are you quoting her?"

Henry showed Emma's last text.

 _I'm gonna kill your mother if she dies. Okay. I need a hug. Come home soon, kid._

Regina smiled, and her eyes watered instantly. She had the best family in the world and she was not even sure she deserved them. She was going to break Emma's heart when she told her the truth, because _hell_ , how do you explain an unplanned pregnancy when you're married to another woman?

"Mom, really. I know you're trying to buy time, but there's no need to lie to me."

"Sweetie, I-"

"No more stalling," Emma said, bursting into the room with Amy behind her back. "I want lasagna. Can you believe your mother didn't let me have a bite yet?"

"I'm sure you had anyway," Regina smiled fondly at her, and took advantage of the crowded room to place one hand on Amy's shoulder. "Why don't I show you the guest room while my knights in shining armor set the table?"

"Oh, thank you, Mrs. Swan-Mills-"

Their voice trailed off as they went away; Emma was smiling goofily when Henry looked at her.

"You just _love_ when she calls you that, don't you?" he teased.

"I _am_ her knight in shining armor, kid," she said with fake contempt, but quickly she rearranged her flattered expression into a worried one. "So… Did you get _anything_?"

"I was about to, but then you guys came in-"

Emma hung her head. "Fuck."

"Hey, she'll have to tell us, Ma. Just… give her some time."

"I gave her time!" the blonde hissed, reaching out for silverware and plates. "It's been two days now!"

"Relax, Ma. She doesn't look sick at all. Just… you know," he made an awkward pause and his face became instantly red as he arranged the glasses.

"What?"

Henry made a gesture with his arms and lifted his shoulders, like a balloon being filled.

"Fat?" Emma hissed frantically. "Your mother's not fat, for God's sake don't let her hear you say that!"

"Not fat, just a bit more-"

Emma noticed he was trying to talk about the front _volume_ , and that was hilarious.

"Yeah, they are a little… But anyway, what does it have to do with the fact that she's sick or not sick?"

"I'm trying to say she doesn't look unhealthy, Ma. There. God."

The blonde almost smiled at his awkwardness. It was like a boy version of herself, and she could never get tired of that.

"So, listen, you and Amy…?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"It's so much funnier than over the phone-!"

"You're an ass," he grinned, picking a comic book from his backpack. "Here, latest edition of Deadpool-"

"Cool," Emma whistled, going through the pages. "I can't wait until your mom falls asleep so I can read that."

"Why do you have to wait until she falls asleep? I thought you both read together in bed."

"She's having a hard time falling asleep, and I snort every time I read those. I don't wanna wake her up."

"Why don't you read somewhere else?"

"Because she won't sleep if I'm not in bed with her."

"You guys are very… _ew._ "

"And here I was, thinking that college was going to improve your vocabulary-"

Henry laughed, listening to his mother and Amy returning from the guest room, chatting excitedly.

"I wanted to pursue the political career when I was younger. I mean, my mom wanted me to."

"Well, I'm sure being Mayor to New York City would be nothing like handling Storybrooke, dear."

"But I do like small towns better. I was born and raised in NY, and all I really want after college is some peace and quiet-"

"To write a village novel," Henry completed for her, rolling his eyes, because it wasn't the first time he heard that story. "You don't need to live in a small town to write about it."

"But I want to. Is he always so grumpy like that?" Amy asked Regina.

"Oh, never mind him, he got that from Emma-"

"He did _not_ get that from me-"

Amy was laughing and Henry was happy his mothers met her expectations. They kept their banter as they ate, and except for the fact that he _knew_ something was off, he was happy they were still head over heels for each other.

XXX

Regina had finally fallen asleep, when Emma decided to sneak out of their bedroom. On her way downstairs she heard noises in the kitchen, which made her instantly hurry to investigate. To her surprise, Henry was there, finishing the dishes in the middle of their half dismantled kitchen.

"Whose idea was this?" he asked, pointing his finger full of soap at the cracked tiles, noticing Emma had the Deadpool copy with her.

"Your mom's, of course. Do you think she would let me plan _anything_ that involved our kitchen looking like it was hit by a wrecking ball?"

"Was she that desperate to change the house?"

"Desperate to have extra problems so she could forget a little 'bout you."

Henry smiled sadly. "That does sound like her."

Emma sighed. She loved to make out on the central island and now all there was left was a fine piece of furniture covered in dust and debris. "So… Amy's funny. I liked her. Did she go to bed yet?"

"Yeah, about an hour ago she said she'd hit the shower and didn't come back."

"So… Are you guys-?"

"Ma!"

"I have to ask!" Emma shrugged. "Soon rumors will spread and everyone will know you're back in town, and I won't have another second of privacy with you to talk about it. Everyone misses you, they'll eat you alive-"

"Once. We did it once. Okay? Happy? And I was safe, mom taught me how to!"

Emma slumped down one of the stools. She had not expected such a blunt, easy confirmation.

"Oh," she went through the first few pages of the magazine. How the fuck was she supposed to go on with that conversation now that he plainly admitted it? "And were you… nice… to her?"

Henry looked back at her with murderous eyes and then returned to the dishes. "It was _my_ first time," he mumbled. "Not hers."

"Oh," Emma nodded, regretting with every fiber of her being the moment she decided to step into Regina's shoes and do that. _Regina_ was supposed to lead that horrible conversation, not her. "And are you, like, what-?"

"We're friends, Ma. She wanted to meet Storybrooke. I invited her to come. End of story."

"Oh," she nodded, concentrating on the colorful page in front of her. "Cool. That's cool."

"Let's keep those 'Embarrass Henry Time' moments just over the phone, okay?" he said quietly.

"Yeah. It seemed more fun in my head. This is your mother's area, definitively out of my league."

Henry chuckled, shutting off the sink and wiping his hand on a piece of cloth. "Thanks for caring, though."

"Yeah, no problem, kid," she smiled at him. "Want some cocoa?"

"Do you have to ask?"

Emma reached out for the ingredients inside their out of order pantry. "So… How do you plan on introducing your grandparents to Amy tomorrow? We need a consistent story, so everyone can say the same thing."

"She knows, Ma."

"She knows what?"

"Everything."

"Everything?"

Henry sipped his cocoa and closed his eyes. "They don't make those in New York. Anyway, yes. She saw the book on top of my desk, and she was surprised I had a copy. She said she loved this one, that she would spend _hours_ in the public library just reading it. So I sort of joked about it, saying my entire family was in this book, and she sort of bought it. Then she asked if I was serious, and then I began telling about the day I went looking for you in Boston when I was ten, and-"

"Kid, you just sound like someone who came up with the most brilliant 'story' to get into someone's pants. The Enchanted Forest is the new Tibidabo!"( *)

"Okay, I don't get the reference, but still, _stop_."

"C'mon, can't I be happy for you?"

"Not for this reason, no."

"Okay, Mr. Prude. But seriously… Amy just… _believed_ you?"

"Why do you think she wanted to come? Mom is her favorite character, she loves misunderstood villains-"

"I'm the product of True Love, how come I'm not her favorite?"

Henry laughed, but all of a sudden he felt really eager to go to bed. He didn't need to put up much of a show by yawning, because Emma was _actually_ looking forward to read Deadpool by herself, and he could get out without raising suspicions.

The best part of being in his old bedroom was the access to books he could only find in Storybrooke – he had 'borrowed' them a long time ago and forgot to return. If Belle didn't miss them, well… He would keep them a little longer.

He consulted the index of the first one and located the topic he wanted. As absurd as it might sound, his Ma had just given him a very impossible idea…

XXX

"He got that from me," Emma admitted out loud, softly stroking Regina's hair as they both lay on the couch.

The brunette was reading the morning paper and Emma was trying to solve the Sudoku challenge over her shoulder, but then she gave up because Regina's ass pressed against her crotch was too distracting.

"Got that what, dear?" Regina asked, turning back to look at her.

"He's too slow. Did you know that Amy knows _all_ about us and our family and the Enchanted Forest?"

"Are you serious?"

"You're her favorite character!"

Regina chuckled. "Of course I am."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Really. Isn't she, like, the perfect girl for him?"

"Well, just because she's a believer, it doesn't mean they're meant to be together or anything like that."

"They're having sex."

Regina snapped her neck to look all the way back towards Emma.

"Are they?" she mumbled, turning slowly towards the corridor that led to Amy's room.

"Not right now," Emma scoffed. "They have New York all to themselves , Gina, do you really think they-"

"Hello!" Regina sat up, smiling when Henry showed up in the TV room. "Good morning, sweetie."

"Hey, Mom… Hey, Ma."

"You look tired," Regina frowned as he sat in the armchair in front of them. "Did you sleep well?"

"Oh, I got caught up with some reading, I didn't really get much sleep."

"Where's Amy?" Emma asked.

"Her room's still closed. She sleeps a lot."

"Well, why don't I try to get started with breakfast, huh?" Regina suggested, standing up and instantly regretting it. Emma was warm, her body just fit into hers, and now she missed the contact greatly.

"I think we're out of milk," Emma said quietly.

"And eggs," Henry added.

Regina placed her hands on her hips. "I should have known you'd make food trips in the middle of the night… Well, can you go to the store and get milk and eggs _before_ Amy wakes up?"

Before Emma could protest, Henry stood up. "Sure! Can I drive?"

Regina frowned slightly at his odd morning disposition, but nodded as she offered him a wink. She left the room to get the car keys, and Henry turned quickly towards his other mom.

"I have a theory and I want to discuss that with you."

"Oh okay," Emma nodded, comprehension downing on her face. "Let me go get dressed-"

As usual, Regina kissed her son and wife on the cheek and waved them goodbye. After they left, she went upstairs for a quick shower, and on her way she noticed Henry forgot to open his curtains.

When she entered his bedroom, she saw a noticeable quantity of books scattered on his bed. Smiling, she bent over to close them and put them back on his desk, when she noticed those were not his college books. Those were Storybrooke's library books.

And by the notes and titles he selected… He was _definitively not_ slow.

XXX

"Watch out for Pongo!"

"Ma, he's a hundred feet away from us-"

"He sets to a run whenever he feels like, don't you know him?"

Henry rolled his eyes. His Ma was never going to give him a break with driving, and they were not even using her precious bug.

"So, about that theory-"

"Kid, park first. Seriously."

Sighing, Henry found a spot close to the grocery store and turned off the engine. "Happy?"

"When did you learn to parallel park?"

" _Not_ with Mom."

They burst out laughing as they climbed out of the car and crossed the street. It was difficult to get inside because a lot of people stopped Henry on the sidewalk, so Emma just gestured that she would go ahead and they could meet inside.

She picked eggs and milk and decided to get something to help Regina with the uneasy stomach. She seemed to put down some weight at the same time she looked more… _busty._

Emma shook her head. That was a terrible word.

Her wife was plain hot, and well, she added a new letter to her bra. It could never be a bad thing.

Emma remembered her mother suggesting pears, so she picked a full bag of them, and then she moved to the vegetables counter. She had noticed beets on most of the hospital trays, so she decided to get some, too.

"She's already anemic?"

Emma turned around, a little startled with the voice.

"Nadia. Hi."

XXX

Henry was shaking hands with Archie, when he looked up and his smile fell. Violet was staring directly at him, and then her new boyfriend stared at him as well. He didn't look pleased, and Violet placed both hands on his chest to get his attention.

Next thing Henry knew, the boy was gone and Violet stood next to him.

"Hi, Henry."

"Violet," he nodded. "Hello."

"I didn't believe when I heard people talking yesterday that you were back."

"Yeah. I came to see my moms."

"So… Are you staying?"

"Just for the weekend. We have to get back on Monday."

"We?"

Henry blinked.

Don't be a fool. She doesn't care. She has a boyfriend.

"A friend that came along."

"And where is he?"

"She" Henry cleared his throat "is still sleeping."

"Oh. So there's a girl in your house. Meeting your parents."

Henry thought it was low, and he thought Amy would be hurt if she found out he was using her to get back at Violet.

"Yes. She's my best friend and she's writing a novel about a small town, so-"

"So I was right. How long did it take for you to meet someone more interesting while I stayed here? A month?"

"Well, it was definitively not as fast as _you._ How long did _you_ take? Two weeks?"

Violet flushed; she looked down at her shoes, and then back up at him. "It was good seeing you, Henry," she muttered, turning around and running away.

XXX

"How are you doing, Swan?" Nadia asked with a small smile.

"I'm good, thanks. You?"

"Oh, I'm fine… So… It's cute to see you so… domesticated."

Emma laughed nervously, suppressing an eye roll and a scoff. "Yeah, well, it suits me. I have to get back to-"

"Of course. The first month is always the worst."

"Yeah, it is."

"But you'll have eight more to get used to the idea of a tiny little thing growing inside Regina, don't worry," she winked, strolling away with her cart.

Emma blinked.

What?

Wasn't that conversation about Henry moving to New York?

What was growing inside Regina?

Eight more months?

 _What._

No.

No, Emma scoffed goofily.

That just didn't make any sense…

Right?

When Henry showed up, he was fuming.

"Can we go home?"

"Sure," Emma said slowly, moving on autopilot to pay for the groceries. They walked towards the car and Emma let Henry drive even though he seemed too nervous for that.

When they parked in front of 108, Emma remained silent, holding the paper bag in her lap and staring at the windshield.

"Ma?"

Her expression was blank when she looked at Henry.

"You don't think your mom's pregnant, do you?"

Henry was caught completely off guard, and his reaction was to instantly reach out for his mother's hand to calm her down – which backfired.

Before he could say anything, Emma disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

(*) Friends, S08E04, if you're interested.


	5. The Dunce

**Hi! Miss me? :)**

Ruby was sitting on the back steps of Granny's, cleaning up her old boots. It was the end of her shift, and she finally, finally could go anywhere in Storybrooke that wasn't her Grandmother's kitchen.

Someone approached her and blocked the light.

"Get out," she grumbled.

The figure moved to the side and it was clear again, and then they sat down next to her. Ruby felt the hairs in her body stand on end with the closeness.

"Hey, Wolfie."

Ruby rolled her eyes as she gruffly scrubbed the tips of the boots and put them on. That voice gave her nightmares and erotic dreams, and she was not sure which one was the worst.

"What do you want?" she snarled, tying her boots with unnecessary force.

"Ask you out."

Ruby closed her eyes, scoffing. "Yeah, right," she muttered, turning to look at Dorothy. She was wearing jeans and a white, unpretentious shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her brown hair was tied into a messy bun, and she was wearing a pair of black converses that made her look younger.

"So."

Ruby bit her lip. Dorothy wasn't smirking or looking like she was mocking her.

"Look, I'm not-"

"I'm not asking to _marry_ you, Ruby," she scoffed, losing her cool at last. "One drink. One kiss."

"We have already kissed, dumbass."

"One fuck, then."

"Oh my God, will you just get out of my face before I actually concede-"

Next thing Ruby knew, Dorothy had smacked her against the wall and was kissing her so intensely that for a full minute she forgot she was at the back of the diner. When Dorothy retreated, they were both resting their backs against the wall.

"One drink, Wolfie," she whispered.

Ruby closed her eyes, regretting her decision before actually making it.

"You pay," she panted in return.

They had been in the Rabbit Hole for about one hour, when Ruby spotted, in the far end of the bar, hidden behind a menu, the one and only Emma Swan.

Swan-Mills.

She was walking away from the counter when someone pulled her back by the arm.

"Where you going, Ruby?"

She almost smiled when Dorothy said her name. Almost. Instead, she pushed her away.

"Talk to a friend over there."

Dorothy smirked when she recognized Emma. "What is she doing here?"

"That's what I am going to find out."

"Okay. Friend in need. Want me to join?"

"Whatever you feel like doing. This is a free country," Ruby spat, strutting away from the woman.

Dorothy groaned with a frustrated smile as she was left with no option but to stay put – otherwise, she would look just like a lap dog. It was complicated. As Ruby walked away, Dorothy realized she had invented a whole new level to the size mini with that skirt she was wearing, and her body was reacting to that, just like the first time she laid eyes on her.

Damn it.

XXX

Emma looked awful. She had had a few beers, and she wouldn't stop fidgeting with her wedding ring while she remained in utter silence. Ruby had been sitting in front of her for fifteen minutes, now.

"Emma, what's wrong?" she asked, the arrogant façade long gone so she could comfort her friend.

Emma looked up, and Ruby noticed her eyes were bloodshot.

"Ruby, do you… Do you think Regina would…" she sniffed, and as her voice started to break, she merely shook her head. "Never mind."

"What is it?"

Emma wiped her nose with the back of her hand, and Ruby's heart melted at that childish display of desolation. She never saw Emma cry.

"Regina is _crazy_ for you. I don't know what happened, but she must be worried shitless because she can't find you. What could be so bad that-"

"She's pregnant."

Ruby felt her jaw drop. Emma smiled grimly at her reaction.

"Not so bad, heh?" she said with apathy.

"Are you sure? I mean… There has to be an explanation… Emma, no, she wouldn't-"

"I can't… I can't _imagine_ a world in which she would do that to me, Ruby… But then _how_?"

Ruby was at a loss of what to say. Dorothy was watching them from the bar, looking torn between going towards them and staying where she was. Ruby wanted her to come and help, but she was not in the mood to ask.

She felt her phone buzz in her back pocket. She picked it up and saw a message from Snow.

 _Is Emma with you?_

Ruby typed a quick reply before Emma could read it – not that she was paying attention anyway.

 _Yes. I'm trying to sober her up._

 _Where are you? Can you convince her to come home? Or stall her until we get there?_

Ruby thought both ideas sucked, and when she lowered her phone to consider what to do, Emma was already gone.

 _She's gone. I'll try to follow her._

Fuming, Ruby stood up and marched towards Dorothy.

"Couldn't you just hold her back while I was distracted?"

"She poofed in front of you, Wolfie."

"I'm sorry, I need to go find her…"

Finally throwing caution to the window, Ruby turned her back on Dorothy and ran. Dorothy tried to follow, but all she saw was a medium sized wolf sprinting inside the woods…

XXX

Snow was laughing at Neal and David playing Jenga on their coffee table, when her phone rang. She frowned when she looked at the caller ID.

"Regina?"

David looked up as his wife's face became worried and she started to pace around the kitchen island as she talked.

"Calm down! Regina… _What_?" There was an awful pause, and then Snow spoke slowly again. "Since this morning? I'll have Ruby track her … Of course, of course… Do you think we should-? Okay… I'll see you in a bit-"

"What happened?" David asked when she hang up the phone.

"Emma's gone."

"Again?"

"Regina's… pregnant."

" _What?_ "

"David, please, let's just-"

He nodded at her, and turned to their son. "How about we play this at Gina's?"

"Yes!" Neal smiled, collecting the wood parts back into the box and hurrying to the door.

The three Charmings went downstairs, climbed the Cruiser, and headed to Mifflin Street as fast as they could. Regina was waiting for them at the door, her eyes and nose puffy from crying. Snow placed one arm around her waist and they entered together, settling on the dinner table.

Henry and his friend Amy were there already, and they noticed several crumpled tissues scattered on the table, besides all the books. Amy stood up to greet them after Henry, looking sheepish.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," she muttered, and David offered her a kind smile while Snow hugged her like a grandmother would.

"It's not the best of times, but we'll find a way to sit together and have fun as a family before you go back to New York, honey," Snow said, hurrying to sit next to Regina. "So. What happened?"

"I did the tests. I'm… expecting a child," she whispered while a silent tear rolled down her cheek." I didn't cheat on Emma, but I don't know how to explain this to her!"

"I called Gold on our way here," Snow said quietly. "He said it's… possible."

Regina looked up at her.

"Because Emma has magic," David added.

"And why is this man _not_ here yet?" Regina asked with irritation.

"Sorry I'm late, dearies," Gold burst inside the living room with Ruby. He eyed the books that stood next to the tissue box. "Well, it looks like my grandson could have explained that without me."

"So this is real?" David asked. "My daughter can-?"

"Conceive," Gold said. "Yes, she can."

"You knew this would happen," Regina muttered. " _I_ didn't know that."

"I believe the infertility potion I once gave you worked until then?"

"Yes," she said avoiding the eyes of their expectant audience.

"It doesn't work with Emma. True Love breaks any curse, and well, that was a curse."

Regina looked up at him; his eyes held the memories of her despair to avoid being exploited as Royal Breeder by her mother and the loneliness after they arrived in Storybrooke, which ultimately led her to adopt Henry.

"This is Emma's child," Gold said, looking around. "So, where's the Savior so I can extend my congratulations?"

"That's where I was headed before you almost ran over me with your fucking car!" Ruby spat.

"Fuck!" Neal screeched.

Amy chuckled and all eyes turned to her.

"Awn, come on, people!" she said impatiently. "This is amazing! Henry's mom just impregnated his other mom! There is real magic in this place and you're all cranky because Neal learned another word? Seriously-"

The room erupted with laughter, Snow covering her face as she laughed harder than anyone else.

"Okay, but we need to go find that thickhead of my wife!" Regina muttered, feeling her heart sink on her chest again as she noticed her house filled with joy while Emma was beating herself up on the streets. "I didn't go after her to give her _time_ , but it's been _hours_ since she's gone-"

"I'm on it," Henry stood up, stretching a hand for Amy. "You coming?"

"I'm wearing pajamas."

"We're going to find my mother to let her know she impregnated my other mother, Amy!" he scoffed playfully. "C'mon, seriously?"

"Fuck you're right," she took his hand. "Let's go!"

XXX

After Gold got out, Ruby turned to Regina.

"We'll find her."

"Thank you, Miss Lucas."

"She _will_ come back," Snow said, pressing Regina's shoulder. "I'm sure Henry will find her. Do you want us to stay?"

"No, please. I'm so sorry to scare you all, I just-"

Snow flung herself towards the brunette and hugged her strongly. "Do not apologize for scaring us with the best news in the whole world, Regina."

Her voice was cracked, and when David joined them, Regina rolled her eyes because those two were mastering the art of making her want to cry.

"Call us when she gets here," David kissed the top of her head, and as quickly as they arrived, they were all gone.

Regina sat down on the table and after half an hour she heard the front door click open.

She held her breath.

XXX

She was sitting on top of what was left of Henry's old sanctuary – the wooden castle near the beach, where he used to hide when he was little. Amy stayed in the car as he slowly walked towards his Ma.

Emma's eyes and nose were red, and her hair was messy with the sea breeze.

"So she's not dying, heh?" Emma asked with a nervous, weak chuckle.

"You're her True Love, Ma. I was going to explain that to you earlier, but Violet showed up and… I'm sorry."

"I should be the one apologizing for all of this, kid."

She showed her phone to him, where, aside from all the missed calls and texts notifications, a message from Ruby flashed in capital letters.

MAGIC PEOPLE MAKE MAGIC BABY, YOU DUNCE.

Henry chuckled, sitting down next to her. They watched the waves crashing down the shore for a while.

"You need to go back to mom."

"I know."

Henry stood up. "I'm taking Amy for a milkshake at Granny's. Do you need a ride?"

"No, I'm okay. I could _run_ home right now, even if I was in another planet."

"Then run, _dunce,"_ Henry grinned. "Oh, and before I forget-"

He swatted the back of her head.

" _Ouch_!" Emma yelled. "What the hell?"

"That was for not wearing protection. Right back at you."

Emma chuckled. "You are _so_ your mother's son…"

She shook her head as she watched him get in the car and drive away. She could have _sworn_ she saw Amy giving her the thumbs up as they moved…

XXX

"Hi."

Ruby looked up as Dorothy approached the bench with her hands in her pockets. She sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about the way I accused you, and I'm sorry I left you there to chase Emma, but… Well, you saw me. The real me. It's okay if you're mad."

"Mad?" Dorothy scoffed, sitting down next to Ruby and watching the sun set as she spoke. "You thought I didn't know?"

"You did?"

"'Wolfie' gives _a lot_ away."

Ruby chuckled, feeling her heart accelerate as she could barely contain the smile that insisted on cracking her lips open.

"Did you… find the Sheriff? Is the situation under control?"

Ruby looked at the sea, squinting slightly. "Yeah. I think so."

"Well, that is good, then."

"Yes…"

Dorothy stood up slowly. "I'm… gonna go. Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Ruby didn't know what to say, but for once her brain finally decided to cooperate.

"Dorothy, wait!"

She stopped dead on her tracks and spun around looking expectantly. Ruby hurried towards her and pressed her lips together hesitatingly.

"Maybe we could do this again," and as Dorothy raised one eyebrow. "Without Emma, of course."

Dorothy grinned genuinely. "Give me a call sometime, Wolfie."

She was about to walk away, when Ruby pulled her back by the arm and kissed her.

"Stop calling me Wolfie," she muttered, smiling in between kisses, feeling Dorothy's soft laughter against her lips…

XXX

"Okay, you can do this," Emma let out a deep breath, pacing nervously in front of 108. She stretched a hand to push the door open and took a step in.

Her heart raced violently when she saw Regina standing upon seeing her. The brunette was crying and she noticed she was too. She looked so pretty, standing there…

Carrying her baby.

"Gina, I-"

"I would _never-_ "

"I know you wouldn't."

Another tear ran down her beautiful brown eyes. "I was worried."

A long pause. Emma took a deep breath.

"I'm an idiot," she muttered.

"No, you're not."

"I got you pregnant."

Regina nodded. "Yes."

"With my..."

She let out a wet chuckle. "With your child, yes."

"We're having a baby."

" _Yes_ , Emma."

Emma closed the door behind her softly. She walked slowly towards the middle of the entrance hall and stopped again. She wiped her tears away, noticing new ones were cascading down her face, and that she had no control over them.

"Please tell me this is real and that I'll hold your hand when you're in labor," she whispered, taking another step towards Regina. "Tell me that, this time, I'll be the one taking turns when she cries, and tell me I'll be the one going on trips to the drugstore in the middle of the night to get more diapers-"

Regina sniffed, and despite the tears, it looked like she was going to burst with joy. Her voice was a barely audible whisper when she spoke. " _S-she_?"

Emma offered her a watery smile because she didn't know how she knew that, and threw herself at Regina, enveloping her into the tightest embrace she could. She buried her face into Regina's hair, taking in her scent, her sobs and her love.

"Yes, it's going to be you, this time," Regina whispered, placing a hand on the back of Emma's head. "You and I."

Like it should always have been.

Emma breathed. "God, I love you…" she smiled with her eyes closed. "Both of you."


	6. The Savage

**Did I ever mention how much I love your reviews? I got a couple of them on my email alert, but I can't visualize them here on ffnet… Is it working just fine for you or is it a general problem? Anyway, I read them all and I love them all. Keep them coming!**

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this."

Henry thanked the waiter for the milkshakes she brought and turned to Amy with a smirk.

"You're wearing a rock band t-shirt and sweatpants. It's like a cool visual from New York. They don't know you slept hugging Pete Townshend-"

"Louder, please," Amy grunted, searching for the straw with her lips. The first sip was enough to turn her scowl into a deeply pleasured face. "God this is _so_ good!"

"Told ya," he grinned.

"So… Your mom's having a baby. From your other mom. How do you feel?"

"I feel… Like I wouldn't mind being a couple years younger. I wish I could stay and watch my Ma handle motherhood. It would be hilarious!"

"Oh she's adorably not cut out for that… Poop diapers?"

"She'll definitively call my Mom for help. _Gina, baby?"_ he mimed Emma's bravado. " _Kid's got a situation number two here-"_

Amy burst out laughing, and instantly she covered her mouth and nose. "You _know_ I got septum deviation, why do you always do that when I have things in my mouth?" she coughed, picking up a few napkins he offered. "Asshole."

"I can't resist to that, it's your charm," he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Shut up, Mills."

"Hi, Henry."

They both turned around. Violet was standing there, and she looked oddly shy.

"Hi, I'm Violet," she added, waving at Amy, who blinked her mascara-smudged eyes several times and waved back, her hundreds of wristbands dangling and rattling as she did.

She looked absolutely inelegant and confused. Henry's heart jolted slightly, and he could have sworn it was just about Violet – who looked plain and beige compared to Amy.

"Amy," she muttered. "Dawson."

"So, are you enjoying the milkshake?"

"Huh," she looked confused at Henry. "Sure."

"I love those, Henry introduced them to me as well," and she added as Amy looked more and more like she was not following. "I'm from Camelot. We don't have a Granny's in there."

Amy chuckled, and more milkshake came out of her nose. "Fuck, sorry. But wow, are you really from Camelot? Man… I love this town!" she looked at Henry with a shit eating grin. "We're definitively moving here after we get married. I want our kids to grown up here, all chubby from eating Regina's lasagna every Sunday-"

Violet's smile faltered for a second, then she decided to go to the booth where her friends were waiting for her.

"Huh, okay. Nice t-shirt, by the way. Good to see you, Henry."

After she was out of earshot, Amy winked at Henry. "You're welcome."

"That was mean."

"She was mean to you first. And it's not even as if I would _ever_ marry a guy who makes me laugh food out of my nose in every occasion he can. All the training I got for my sweet sixteen gone to waste-"

Henry burst out laughing. "Oh, I can only _imagine_ you wearing combat boots under the lilac dress and smoking in the bathroom with your tiara."

"Accurate depiction, dear Prince. I'll ask my mom to send the pictures and I'll show you," she grinned sarcastically as she tried to cover her running nose. "Where's the bathroom?

"Right over there-"

Henry followed Amy with his eyes as she walked among the tables towards the lavatories. She was so gangly and absolutely cool with not being refined as the other girls… And he loved the way she made him laugh with two or three words. She was so natural, and easy going… Not to mention that her clothes always smelled of soap. He had no idea how she did that, especially because they went to the same dry cleaning.

For a split of second he could see himself married to her. And that freaked him out.

When he snapped back from his reverie, his eyes fell on Violet. She had been watching them all this time, and the look on her face showed him that she had noticed the way he looked at Amy, too.

Ah well.

XXX

Regina stopped by the glass door, watching her family gathering up inside the gazebo. Snow was admiring Amy's urban punk rock style, making the girl spin on her boots so she could give a once over on her black tutu.

Amy looked like a rebel, but well, she would have an interesting power over people in case she chose to stay focused on the political career. She was charismatic and kind, and – Regina couldn't help noticing – she was naturally clumsy and adorable like Emma.

Regina remembered the town – _her_ town - falling head over heels for the infamous Miss Swan the minute she decided to stay. _Traitors_ , she thought amused.

David was teaching Neal how to pick the corn from the grill and place the cobs safely next to the butter and salt on the table. Ruby arrived with Granny a few minutes later, and they brought potato salad and oven fries.

She was distracted watching them, when Henry stopped next to her.

"Look at Ma," he chuckled, passing one arm around her waist. "She's such a dork!"

Emma was flipping burgers on the grill, and by flipping burgers in Emma _modus operandis_ , it meant to throw them up above her head, almost hit the ceiling and guffaw every time they fell back on the grill instead of the floor. She held a bottle of beer, and she wouldn't stop smiling.

Her smile grew bigger when she caught Regina and Henry looking at her.

"She's a savage," Regina nodded, barely containing her own smile. She loved the way Emma's eyes lit up whenever she looked at her. And it didn't hurt to mention her sculpted biceps and the lower belly V line showing under a ridiculously cropped t-shirt…

"Here, let me take the juice outside," Henry said, taking the cartons from her hands. "Do you need any help?"

"Oh, no, honey," she smiled. "I'll just finish slicing the watermelon, I'll be right after."

Henry walked towards the gazebo and Amy hurried to his side.

"Your family is _so_ cool! It's like My Big Fat Greek Wedding. The second one. They're so cute and warm!"

Henry grinned at her, picking a corn cob. "Where did you get the beer?"

"I didn't?"

"So you're saying my mom _didn't_ give you beer when my _other_ mom wasn't looking?"

"Huh, sort of."

"She never gave me beer!"

"I'm the new favorite, Henry. Just deal with that."

"Well, not until she discovers you waste beer through your nose when you laugh," he scoffed, pulling her to sit on one of the benches next to him. She rolled her eyes with an amused grin.

"It's cool, huh?"

"What, being a human fountain?"

"Shut up," she punched his arm. "I mean having a family, and parents that shoot little hearts out of their eyes every time they look at each other."

"It wasn't always like that," he muttered. "They used to be sworn enemies."

"Yeah. But they can't live without the other now, can they?"

"I suppose not."

They remained silent for a moment, and the celebration itself made him remember his farewell party and the way Violet came up to him and said they needed to talk. He shook his head and thankfully accepted the beer that his slightly tipsy Ma passed on to him from under the table.

"One each, and that's all I'm allowing in this house," Regina said sternly to them as she passed by with the watermelon tray, fully aware of the smuggling because Emma was as subtle as a fanfare. "Stop giving them beer!" she hissed to her wife, coming to a halt next to the grill.

Emma smiled goofily at her. "Okay, sorry."

Regina rolled her eyes, unable to keep a straight face. "Don't look so cute like that, I'm trying to scold you."

Emma pulled her around the waist, planting a kiss on Regina's cheek, turning to flip a burger and then looking back at her wife again. "How cute?"

Regina chuckled. "Very cute."

"Irresistibly cute?"

"Your parents are standing behind us!"

"Oh, I intend to wait until they leave, Gina."

"They can _hear_ us!"

"No, they can't," Emma chuckled, noticing her parents were too distracted by Neal to overhear a hissed conversation next to a crackling grill.

"I heard," Ruby said giggling, making room beside the couple to snatch a burger. "This smells fucking delicious. And you, hold your horses, Sheriff. Are you planning on making more babies in front of us?"

"I like you better when Dorothy has her tongue in your mouth," Emma said, rolling her eyes.

"I'd rather have her tongue - Hey, Neal!" Ruby grimaced, hoping he didn't hear that.

"Can I have a burger, Ruby?"

"Oh, of course, kid-" she chuckled, but that sounded more like a sigh of relief. She picked a hamburger using Emma's spatula and put in on his plate, following him towards the table.

"I'm not letting her near our baby," Regina muttered, picking a burger and walking away to join the others.

Emma kept staring at her, and even though she hadn't drunk much, she felt like she sobered up almost instantly. Regina was smiling when she sat down by the wooden bench, balancing her plate on her manicured hands. Emma loved her hands.

She wondered how Regina would react when her fingers puffed up and her engagement and wedding rings didn't fit anymore. She imagined Regina's wonderful body growing, and how beautiful she would look like when it started to show. She imagined the final months, the bags ready by the hall, just waiting the moment to rush to the hospital.

But most of all, she imagined a little girl, stumbling as she tried to take her first steps around this very table, only a few years from now. And Emma smiled, because this time she wouldn't need fake memories – she would _be_ there, at every second of every day of every year of their little girl.

Regina caught her eyes, and even though her smile was sweet, Emma could see beyond those red, seemingly innocent lips. She couldn't wait for everyone to leave and leave them two alone…

She winked, promising scandalous sex. Regina squirmed because she got the silent message, and Emma knew she crossed her legs under the table instantly.

Emma smirked, feeling deliciously smug with the fact that Regina, the woman she had on a pedestal, needed her this much, and this way.

Regina stood up, claiming they needed more butter, and strutted towards the house, her ass hypnotizing Emma.

"Huh, dad? Can you handle the grill for a sec?"

"Sure, kid," he smiled, sipping his beer as he took a spreader and started to flip the burgers - the normal way.

Emma hurried after Regina and all she could think of was her round ass on the red dress. It was a short model – shorter than anything Regina had ever wore, and it was making Emma's pants feel like fireworks.

Regina was refilling the butter dish on what used to be the central island of their kitchen; she looked up when she heard steps, and looked back at the butter when she noticed it was Emma. She had a smirk running on her lips when she did.

"Horny, dear?" she muttered.

"I could ask you the same," Emma whispered back, standing right behind her wife, checking whether their guests could see them from that spot.

"I'm perfectly-Oh!" she gasped when she felt a finger on her deceitfully throbbing core.

"Wet?" Emma hissed in her ear, making her whole body warm up and tingle and pulse.

"Our family is outside!" Regina hissed, trying to scold her wife but sounding frustrated instead.

"I can't ask them to leave, and I'm not waiting until they leave."

"And what makes you think you have a say in this?"

"Making a baby inside of you counts?"

Regina groaned, involuntarily spreading her legs to offer better access. "Make it quick."

"Make it quiet," Emma whispered, rubbing her fingers into her waiting, swollen clit.

" _Emma,_ " Regina moaned softly, trying to keep the noises to a minimum but failing miserably. "Emma, oh… Like this… Like this… Yes… Mmgh-"

Emma groped her ass with her free hand, being careful not to press her too hard against the marble top, and kept stroking and rubbing at a crescent pace, feeling her wetness dripping, causing her own wetness to start bothering her.

Regina came hard and fast with one single, strangled moan that Emma caught with her lips into a deep kiss.

"You are impossible," she sighed, not sure if she was strong enough to keep standing and even walk.

"You are welcome," Emma winked, sucking her fingers provocatively.

Regina couldn't help grinning – she loved smug Emma.

"Go wash your hands," she said, smoothing her red dress and fixing her hair, hoping no one heard them outside. As Emma disappeared around the corner – but not before lovingly smacking her ass with a loud snap - Snow showed up at the kitchen.

That woman had a sex radar.

"Regina? Is everything alright?"

"Oh, yes, dear. We were out of butter," she smiled awkwardly.

"Oh. Are you sure you're okay?" Snow frowned. "You look flushed."

Great.

"It's a bit hot in here."

"Do you want ice chips?"

"I'm fine, Snow-"

"Hot waves are perfectly normal, I had those when I was expecting Neal-"

"Mom, stop freaking her out with pregnancy stories," Emma said, reappearing in the kitchen, wiping her hands on her jeans as she walked towards the fridge. She picked a bottle of water and uncapped it, giving it to Regina. "Here. Keep my girl hydrated," she muttered the last part proudly so that only Regina could hear her.

Regina squeezed her arm – God bless that gorgeous, strong, sex-machine arm, but she noticed that Emma looked impatient, rounding on them like a suspicious, wild… Emma.

Emma rolled her eyes behind Snow's back, noticing her mother was not leaving so soon once she started babbling about baby food. She wanted Regina and the baby all to herself, and she had no idea where all the jealousy came from – it was her mom, after all.

However, she melted into a puddle of pink mush when Regina winked at her, looking satisfied and so, so beautiful in that red dress… Maybe Emma was too biased, but pregnancy suited her perfectly.

She left the kitchen, hating that she had to go back there without Regina. It felt like a part of her was left behind. And literally, it was. Half of her world was that woman in red talking to her mom, carrying her child.

She walked towards the gazebo against her will, clutching her chest as she did.

XXX

Emma leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees and sighed deeply.

The room was dark except for one yellowish lamp, and that was all the illumination she needed. She knew that body like the palm of her hand, and she could picture it even in total darkness. Regina fell asleep quickly in comparison with the other days; she lay peacefully on bed, taking most of Emma's side, which made the blonde smile.

Starfish Queen.

She was barefooted, wearing one of Emma's largest flannels, and she was sound asleep, looking fully relaxed. Her legs showing like that were a torment; her olive skin gleamed, and her foot poking out of the mattress was no less of a tease.

She was wearing the rings, too. Usually, she would take them off before bed, but she didn't have the time; Emma was glad that their small celebration finally worn her down.

Regina's face was another item of Emma's list of things she had no idea she had been missing all her life. At the moment, she didn't know _how_ she lived her life _without_ Regina on it for all those years. Her eyes were free form mascara and her lips only presented their natural color – most of her red lipstick was etched into Emma's skin.

She could torture herself and watch Regina forever, but lucky for her, there was a backyard with remnants of a barbecue for her to clean.

Softly and as silently as she could, Emma exited their bedroom and closed the door behind her. Henry's door stood ajar, and once she got downstairs, she heard muffled laughter coming from the TV room and a familiar jingle song…

Preparing her nerves to the worst case scenario, Emma peeked around the door and sighed in relief when she caught their son and Amy playing Mario Kart. On tiptoes, Emma went to the kitchen and through the glass doors. The back lawn was partially illuminated by the street lamps and she decided to keep it that way.

If she lit up the lights she installed, she would most definitively blind Regina upstairs. That reminded her that she had yet to make a stop at the hardware store to swap them for economic and less vibrant ones.

Emma crossed the lawn with a garbage bag in hand and climbed up the gazebo, where she could light the rustic lanterns without burning her retinas. She collected the trash and a few edible items that wouldn't be edible in the morning, and then she piled up the dirty dishes to take them inside.

The grill was properly put out and most beer bottles were lined together, so the job consisted on pretty much putting it all inside the bag and throwing it away. Emma reached out for the first bottle, when she heard the sound of a tree branch snapping behind her.

Suddenly, all her senses sharpened, and her ears tingled with creepy whispering and she clenched her hands into fists.

Emma had only one thought in mind.

Protect her wife and children, cost what it cost.

It was extremely ill advised to threaten her family at this point.

Emma spun on her heels at uncommon speed and instinctively reached out for the jugular, tackling the intruder to the ground with both her hands around their neck, breathing fast through gritted teeth like an angry animal.

She loosened her grip when she recognized Ruby's wide eyes, staring back at her with confusion.

"Fuck, Ruby!" she panted, rolling to the side. "Are you okay?"

"What was that for?" Ruby gasped hoarsely, massaging her sore throat.

"Do _not_ sneak behind my back like that, I could've killed you!" Emma snarled, patting some of the mud from the knees of her jeans.

"I would eat you before you could have done that, Sheriff," Ruby snorted, sounding unconcerned for someone who was assaulted and strangled just a second ago.

"No, this is different…" Emma muttered, staring at her shaky hands. "This is…" her voice trailed off as she noticed the whispering voices quieted. "I think I need to see Gold."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know… Isn't it weird that I got Regina pregnant and the next day I'm attacking people as if I still were-"

"You're not," Ruby interrupted her. "You're not it anymore. You're just… especial, Emma. You were before you were even born. I'm not saying that to kiss your ass, I'm saying this because I was there."

"But what if I'm darkening anyway because that's what I'm supposed to become?"

"You got to relax. Stop thinking about it for a moment and concentrate on Henry and Regina and the baby."

Emma considered it, realizing that it made sense. Only then it hit her that her best friend was on her backyard at one in the morning.

"What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"Oh, I couldn't sleep," Ruby shrugged. "Dorothy asked me out on a date for real, and I'm… fucking _flipping_. I needed to get out of the house, and I figured your backyard would be a little trashy, so… I came to offer my help."

Emma grinned at her. "Tell her you're going on a date with her and that you're all hot for her _._ "

Ruby held a smile back, looking suddenly all embarrassed. "Shut up, Emma…"

"Hey, do you want a beer?"

"Sure, why not?"

The blonde stood up to pick the drinks from the cooler, and then ungraciously slumped down on the ground next to Ruby again.

"So… A baby, huh?"

Emma smiled, involuntarily turning her eyes to their bedroom window. "Yeah…"

"Are you excited?"

"I'm scared."

"Why? You two are going to be amazing with the baby!"

" _Regina_ is amazing. I never took care of a baby before."

"Well, there's always a first time for everything, Sheriff."

"Yes, there is, _Wolfie_."

"I'm scared too."

"It _is_ scary. But it could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you."

Ruby grinned. "Like you and sexy queenie?"

Emma chuckled. "Like me and sexy queenie."


	7. The Dark Mom

**MERRY CHRISTMAS, GUYS!**

 **I hope you have a great time, and that you can celebrate next to people you love, always.**

 **Yours truly,**

 **FollowThatConvoy**

Regina woke up like she still did every Sunday – with the soft thud of the newspaper hitting the front door. She stretched lazily and slowly, feeling well rested after a very long time. She turned to her left and noticed Emma snoring slightly – a clear sign that she, too, was tired.

Her fingers, however, were possessively entwined with Regina's, and she feared for a second that she would disrupt her sleep when she tried to get up. It didn't happen – like it never happened.

Regina watched her for a moment. She loved the fact that Emma slept like a rock; this was the only way she could ogle her without being caught. Her blonde curls lay spread over her pillow, and she looked peaceful with her eyes closed.

God only knew how often storms wreaked havoc behind her blue eyes, and how often Regina wished she could ease her mind, but it wasn't always possible. Right now, she could watch the calm.

Emma grunted in her sleep, rolling on her belly and shoving one arm under the pillow. Regina's skin reacted immediately to the sight of the blonde's flexed arm – it felt like an anatomy class: biceps, triceps, and deltoid, all very prominent against her slightly tanned skin.

"'m back to bed," Emma murmured.

Regina smiled, disentangling their hands softly as she slowly stood up from bed to put on Emma's Vader slippers.

On her way downstairs, she noticed Henry's empty bed. When she arrived at the hall, still tying her robe around her waist, Regina sneaked towards the TV room, from where she caught a familiar and faint song.

The TV was on with the opening screen of Mario Kart game, the 'Press Start Button' flashing on and off. Henry and Amy were sleeping in sitting position, shoulder by shoulder, holding the controllers loosely in their hands. Henry had his head tilting slightly towards Amy, who, by her turn, had her head thrown back against the wall.

She went back to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. It was Henry's last breakfast at Mifflin Street before he went back to New York again. Regina was already feeling antsy that he was going away, but the fact that he was accompanied by Amy soothed her a little. She only hoped their son was not too slow and missed out on such great girl.

Emma showed up about five minutes later, rubbing the sleep off her eyes as she dragged her feet towards Regina. She threw her arms around the brunette's waist and buried her face on the curve of her neck.

"Come back to bed, Gina," she grunted as Regina softly stroke her back.

"I can't sleep anymore, sweetie. Go back upstairs and rest some more."

"Can't sleep without you there," Emma muttered, slumping down a stool with her eyes still closed.

Regina smiled fondly at her. "Coffee?"

"And an IV feed, please."

"Seriously, Emma. Go to sleep. It's your day off."

"Seriously, I _can't_ ," Emma yawned, aware that she would have some explaining to do if she mentioned the horrible, lucid dream and sleep paralysis experience she just had the minute Regina left the bedroom. "I need my comfort boob," she added grumpily as she softly squeezed Regina's right breast.

"Very mature, sweetheart," Regina smiled lightly, fully aware that this was not completely true. Emma sounded and acted differently since last night, and she looked more tired than the week when about a hundred sheep decided to parade through Storybrooke's main street, causing traffic and sheep poop mayhem. David was out of town with Snow and Neal, and Emma clearly didn't inherit his shepherd's skills.

"Speaking of which, we need a car seat for the Mercedes. I know she won't sit for months, but still…"

"Just for my car? What about a car seat for your Bug?" Regina asked with a genuine frown.

Emma parted her eyelids open and scoffed. " _You_ will let me drive our baby girl around in the Death Trap?"

The brunette smiled guiltily. "When she's sixteen and responsible for her own decisions?"

"She'll look ridiculous in a car seat when she's sixteen, Gina," Emma commented with a pensive air. "Well, anyway, we need to go to the store. I think nine months is enough to baby proof the house and build a crib, and memorize the Great Book of How to become a Mom-"

"Dear?" Regina called her softly.

Emma sighed when she saw her loving smile. "Babbling?"

"Babbling. Here," she gave her wife a cup of coffee.

"You're my savior," Emma whispered, savoring the first sip with a grunt of pleasure.

"Saviors also need saviors, after all."

"Yep."

"And Saviors need a serious lesson on how not to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. Especially when they are married to me."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Emma snapped to fully awake state. "Are there other wives?"

Regina rolled her eyes. "Something's bothering you, and if we enlightened the whole infidelity matter and you actually believe me-"

The word rang strongly in Emma's ear, and she had to stop the brunette right there.

"Oh, shit, Gina… I'm sorry that I freaked out at first, but I swear to you it's got nothing to do with not believing you, 'cause I do! I _know_ in my gut this kid's mine, because… I miss her when you leave," she said quietly. "I miss you and I miss her. And it feels weird when you go away, and I feel, I don't know, I suddenly wanted everyone out of the house and away from you yesterday. And I… attacked Ruby a little bit."

Regina considered it in silence, trying to suppress the urge of kissing the blonde. "When, exactly, did you attack Miss Lucas?"

"She showed up in the middle of the night. I was cleaning up while you were all in bed, and she just came out of nowhere and I jumped her."

"I would have reacted with a fireball to her face. Is she stupid or what?"

"I felt something like a cold dread down my spine. It was awful. Like I knew someone was out there just to hurt you."

"No one is out there to hurt me, dear. Or her," she added, touching her flat stomach for the first time. "She's the most protected and expected child in the world, Emma. She's got your parents, she's got me and she's got you."

Emma let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "I think I'm losing my shit, Gina."

"You're just freaking out in true Emma Swan style," Regina passed one arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "Just remember, you are a Swan-Mills, now."

Emma grinned at her, and her grin ran wider when she heard the oven alarm indicating there was pastry for breakfast.

"You made… bear claws?" she whispered.

"Yes, and they are extremely hot. You're _not_ touching them or bringing them anywhere near that tongue of yours."

Emma threw her a dirty smirk, not even bothered that she would have to wait until she could eat.

"Oh, you should check on your son in the TV room."

Her bright expression suddenly darkened as she pictured Henry going through a marathon on her TiVo collection overnight just to make fun of her.

"He didn't find the telenovela," Regina added with an eye roll, and Emma had to grin at that, because she loved the way Regina said _telenovela._

Emma went to the TV room and came back three seconds later with an even huger smile.

"Amy's _drooling._ "

Regina chuckled. "Did you snap a picture?"

"Several," Emma sat down again. "And I made a video with Henry's cellphone. He sounds like a jackhammer. Thank God he doesn't live here anymore."

"We would only need to use that muffling spell on his bedroom," Regina said matter-of-factly, and she chuckled when Emma pulled her to her lap. "What are you doing?"

She gasped when Emma's hand found its way inside her silk robe and grabbed her thigh.

"I miss the adventures with that muffling spell in the middle of the night," Emma answered, pressing a kiss to Regina's shoulder as her fingers traveled softly from her knees to her waistline. "Why don't we go to your office and –"

"No more quickies," Regina stood up from her lap as fast as she could, because she didn't trust her body anymore. It reacted intensely to anything Emma said lately. "I want the full version."

"Oh, Madam Mayor…" Emma chuckled with a dirty smile. "You're such a tease-"

Both women turned to look at the empty archway to the kitchen when they heard Henry's voice.

"Can we come in?"

Regina glared at Emma; it was her fault they had that indecent reputation. "Of course you can come in, honey."

Both Henry and Amy walked in with awful expressions.

"Good morning," she muttered. "You don't have some Advil, do you?"

"We do," Emma jumped from her stool to reach out for the medicine cabinet. "Advil and coffee is my favorite."

The girl offered a painful smile and sat down on the next available stool. Henry swerved from a few boards and got to the cabinet with cups and plates. He let out a startled yelp when a fat ginger cat landed on the window sill.

"Jesus, what the hell-?"

"Oh, that's Amy's cat," Emma said.

"I don't have a cat," Amy said confused.

"Amy the neighbor, dear," Regina explained, throwing a harsh look at Emma before she went back to the bear claws. "She's the co-founder of the Sheriff Swan fan club."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Not that again…"

Henry laughed, offering a cup of coffee to Amy. "You have a fan base, Ma?"

Regina threw a glare at him that made him flinch. She placed the bear claws on top of the counter and smacked the back of Emma's head, storming out of the kitchen after that.

Henry and Amy looked helplessly at Emma. "It's the hormones," she said awkwardly.

"Shouldn't you go after her?" Amy asked.

"Oh man…" Emma sighed. "She might throw things at me," she took a large bite from a bear claw. "Better be prepared to dodge and run-"

Henry jumped from his stool when his cellphone vibrated, alerting Violet had sent him a text. His face went red in a matter of seconds as he read the message; he stood up, grabbing the device quickly and excused himself. Emma noticed Amy fidgeting uncomfortably on her stool, and when she was about to offer her a sympathy bear claw, Regina returned to the kitchen wearing a pair of overalls that belonged to her.

"I feel like gardening," Regina said brightly, just as if she didn't _just_ have a jealous fit a minute ago.

"You didn't even have breakfast, Gina," Emma said carefully. "You need to eat-"

"I need to garden, or I'm going to fireball that insolent girl. I don't think it would be very good for the baby."

 _There_ it was.

Emma smiled, pulling Regina into her arms, noticing above her wife's shoulder that Amy got her coffee and sneaked out of the kitchen with a bear claw between her teeth. The blonde kissed Regina.

"You don't need to worry about that. You don't need to worry about anything. It's not good for the baby."

"I'm not worried, just slightly furious and on a killing mood, dear."

Emma chuckled, getting the bear claw dish and her cup of coffee. "Make some tea for you," she pecked the brunette's lips. "I'm gonna get the tools in the garage and we can garden, okay?"

Regina smiled at her. "Distracting me with your arms?"

Emma shrugged. "Does it help?"

"Always, dear…"

XXX

After the mandatory picnic with the Charmings in the afternoon and dinner at Granny's, Emma and Regina had to say goodbye to their son once again. Amy had already climbed the bus, but he stayed a little longer with his moms.

"Are you sure you don't want to take the bus tomorrow morning?" Regina asked, worry obvious in her voice.

"We need to be there early, Mom. I have a test."

"Why didn't you say so?"

"Because you wouldn't have let me come," he smiled, hugging her. "I'll text you when we get there, okay?"

"Okay," Regina offered a watery smile, squeezing his hand a she did so.

"Bye, Ma," Henry turned to Emma, who was clearly holding back her own tears and displaying a crooked, weird smile instead. "Take good care of them while I'm away."

"You got it. Have a safe trip. Call us when you get to your dorm. Or Amy's."

" _Ma_!"

"Love you, kid," she muttered, kissing his forehead and stopping his protests. He threw his arms around her and Regina, squeezed their shoulders in silence and then he climbed the bus as well.

XXX

After insisting for about one hour, Emma finally managed to convince Regina to take the Monday off. With cost, she also convinced her stubborn, worried half heart that it was okay to leave Regina resting in the house while she went to work.

She ran into Leroy at Granny's, and reminded him that they needed their kitchen done by the end of the day. Regina's pregnancy had spread around town like wildfire, and Emma was secretly counting on it to intimidate the dwarves – hormonal Regina Mills was supposedly more terrifying than the Evil Queen.

Emma considered leaving a pepper spray on their nightstand – it was one Regina against five dwarves, after all – but then she smugly remembered that her wife had hormonal fireballs and would turn them into ash if they tried anything.

Then it occurred to Emma that she was paranoid about anyone being close to Regina and their unborn child, even people that she trusted completely. And that was the reason why she decided to make a detour on her way to the Sheriff Station.

The Pawnshop's doorbell rang when she went through it. Gold was standing behind the counter, taking inventory of his infinite load of crap. He didn't lift his eyes from his book as he kept writing notes, but the left corner of his lip twitched.

"Good morning, Mrs. Swan-Mills. What can I do for you?"

Like he didn't know.

"Call me Emma, please. That makes me sound old."

"I'm sure it is not the grey hair that is disturbing your sleep."

"Then what is?"

"What do you have to offer in exchange of information, Sheriff?"

"You're not getting my daughter's hair, fingernails or anything. Don't you dare try and make a deal with me about that, Gold!"

He finally looked up, with an annoying smirk that made Emma want to punch his nose.

"Daughter? It looks like you are well informed. I see no reason why you would require my aid."

Emma sighed. "Look, I… I'm hearing voices, and I feel angry when people go near Regina and the baby. I don't know how I got her pregnant. I don't know why things are happening, and I think you do."

"Let me guess. You can listen to people's thoughts sometimes."

"Yeah! I can read minds!"

"You don't _read_ it, dearie, you become aware of it. It's a matter of perception."

"But how?"

"You were, however briefly, the Dark One. On the other hand, you're the product of True Love. And the prophesized Savior."

"Just a shit load of titles that don't explain why these things are happening to us."

"Always so refined," Gold said. "You are bounded to a lot of magic from the moment you were conceived, Emma. Dark and light. You've been tempered by both, and there's always a constant struggle. I believe it was Henry's departure that triggered it. You and Regina became emotional, and correct me if I'm wrong here, dearie, but you both have desired, at some point, that you still had a child to nurture. Be careful with what you wish for."

"So, just because I _wished_ , ABRACADABRA, Regina's pregnant?" Emma scoffed.

"Magic doesn't work like science, dearie, but you have an odd power over it. Just go back to your twenty-eighth birthday. "

Emma would never forget the moment she blew the candle and a ten-year-old Henry knocked at her door.

"That was different," she said reluctantly.

"Still struggling to believe, are we?"

Emma narrowed her eyes. "What is that supposed to mean? I trust Regina with all-"

"It's yourself that you don't trust, Emma," he spat, and his voice was no longer soft. He sounded threatening, and that made her blood boil. "You don't trust yourself to be a mother, a wife, a sheriff, a savior… The darkness around you will always take a chance at your unguarded walls to strike. You will always be a former Dark One, dearie. Believe me. Your powers are forever enhanced, and so is your sense of duty to protect Regina and your daughter. The night terrors? It's because you _know_ evil, you _have been_ the greatest evil there is, even if for a few hours. A robber fears to be robbed. A killer fears to be killed. It's only logical to fear for the safety of your family when you've sensed all kinds of suffering you could inflict upon people in your veins. However, your worst enemy is your mind, Emma Swan-Mills. You get what you wish, and this makes your mind a prison or a paradise. You decide what it's going to be."

XXX

His words were still hammering in her head as she drove to the Sheriff Station. He accepted to drop his deal, he didn't threaten her directly, and yet, his words felt like an omen. You could always count on Rumpelstiltskin to find a loophole and get something out of every situation. Was their kid the double product of True Love? Could he ever want to steal her from them?

Was their daughter the key to another blasting curse?

In the end, it was logical like science. She was the only one capable of ruining everything if she kept acting like a fucking lunatic, just like her parents did trying to rid her from any dark potential – they _made_ it happen.

And they were not just an example; they knew exactly how to make her feel some kind of normalcy around her. When she arrived at the station, Snow and David were there; they had tied balloons to the cell bars, and they brought cookies and hot cocoa for her.

"Congratulations, future mom!" David said, patting his daughter's shoulder. "We didn't get the chance to be alone with you since we knew, so…"

"Oh God… This is so weird and wonderful!" Snow squealed, picking a huge package from David's desk. "I'll give it to you when you choose a name-"

Emma pulled her mother into a fierce embrace when she saw the blanket she had started to knit, just like the one she still had…

"Thank you, mom," she whispered, feeling her throat burn.

When both of her loud and overjoyed parents distracted themselves with the cookies, Emma picked her phone on her back pocket and texted Regina.

 _Hey-_

 _Just wanted you to know that I miss you. Can't wait to be home._

 _Love from the babbling barbarian_

From all the titles she ever had, that was by far Emma's favorite, the only one that ever made sense to her – to be whatever Regina wanted and needed her to be.


	8. The Sentimental Brute

**Happy New Year, everyone! Here's the first chapter of 2017. Thank you all for the continued support. Have fun!**

 _August_

"Gina, we are late!" Emma called from the entrance hall, one hand on the door.

" _No, we're not_!" Regina snarled from upstairs.

Emma rolled her eyes and sighed. They had an appointment with Dr. Whale at 9:30, and it was 9:25 already. Regina set her mind on the most-impossible-to-find pair of shoes, and Emma was beginning to suspect they were not even real, until she heard the clicking noises of her high heels against the floorboards as she came down the stairs.

Regina looked gorgeous in a black dress and the grey shoes, but she also looked pissed at Emma.

"What's wrong?" the blonde asked softly, taking her purse from her hands and opening the door for her.

"We're late," Regina spat, passing by her in a hurry, driving her insane for two dissonant reasons: being mad at her for something she probably didn't do and also because her ass looked spectacular in dresses.

"That's what I've been trying to-" Emma stopped talking when she received a death glare. "I'll speed a little and we'll make it in time, sweetie," she offered a nervous smile as she opened the passenger door of the Mercedes.

Regina put on her sunglasses and sat down arrogantly. After shutting the door close, Emma let out a sigh of relief. She turned to Regina when she sat down behind the steering wheel.

"Music?" she asked with her index finger on the shuffle button of the car radio. At her wife's silence, Emma decided to stop pushing it.

She drove as fast as she could but in a way that she made sure it was still safe for a pregnant woman, and it took them about ten minutes to get to the hospital. After finding a good spot at the parking lot, Emma hurried to get the door for her wife, who looked murderously at her.

"I'm not crippled, dear, thank you," Regina said, avoiding Emma's outstretched hand and climbing out of her car on her own.

"I know. I'm sorry," Emma muttered. She decided to walk slightly behind Regina, but then the brunette spun around and placed both hands on her hips.

"I dreamed that you hired Amy Johnson to babysit just so you could exhibit your arms to her while she fed our daughter with that atrocious mac and cheese from the box!"

Well, that explained a lot.

It took every fiber of Emma's body to keep from laughing. She only had a few seconds to recompose before she got a slap in the face for smirking, so Emma cleared her throat and smiled.

"I would _never_ let that kid near our baby, Gina. She can't even look after her cat."

"She's very incompetent indeed," Regina agreed, removing her sunglasses, almost smiling at Emma's answer.

"Yes, I know that. It was a very unrealistic dream," the blonde chuckled, relieved that the storm seemed to be dissipating.

"Dreams _are_ very unrealistic, Emma."

 _Count to ten, Emma…_

"Oh, crap. You forgot your purse in the car. Why don't you go get it while I hurry to talk to Whale?"

"We're not even _that_ late," Regina narrowed her eyes at Emma. "Why are you so eager to get in? Missing the nurse?"

Emma growled all she wanted inside her head. When she was done, she stared at the majestic pain in the ass she was in love with. And then she smiled, because hell, Regina was majestically sexy when she was jealous and being irrational.

"I just want to see her," she said softly, pointing at Regina's belly. "I'll go get your purse-"

Regina felt her eyes water and her body heat up. That idiot was wonderful and Regina wanted to strangle her sometimes with the same intensity that she wanted Emma to fuck her against a wall.

God, the hormones…

"C'mon, let's go," Emma said, holding her hand and pulling her towards the glass doors. The hospital was slightly crowded; the news of Regina's pregnancy spread like wildfire, so all eyes were on them. It didn't take long for Emma to spot Whale's silver head, so she hurried after him, dragging Regina along.

"Out of the way, people," she muttered under her breath as she tried to make room. "Mama Queen coming through-"

When Whale noticed them approaching, he opened his mouth to speak, and Emma was pretty sure he was about to mention they were late. He shut it when he caught the blonde shaking her head NO with her eyes wide.

He shrugged. Considering how far Regina was, it was normal to be cranky and even a little aggressive. By the look on Emma's face, she was probably both.

"Good morning, ladies," he greeted. "Follow me. We're going to exam room three-"

Emma smiled when Regina tangled their arms together. She looked at the brunette, who grinned expectantly.

"I'm a little nervous," she muttered.

"Why?" Emma squeezed her hand.

"Well, because you are here."

"That was supposed to cause the opposite effect."

"It's because you're going to see your daughter, and I'm the one carrying her, and-" Regina stopped talking when she felt Emma raise her hand towards her lips and kiss it.

"It's a huge responsibility, and you're doing an amazing job, you know?"

"I am?"

"Of course you are, Madam Mayor. You're the best mom I've ever met."

Regina fumbled for a Kleenex in her purse because the amount of times she cried in front of Emma was becoming ridiculous. When they arrived at the exam room, Whale left them so Regina could get ready.

Emma handled the zipper of her dress and then the horrible gown, and then helped her up the exam bed. She covered Regina with the bedsheet and held her hand with a reassuring smile.

"Whale better not react when he shove his silver head there," Emma pointed the space where Regina had her feet propped up. "I'll kill him in front of you and the baby."

The brunette chuckled, and then both rearranged their faces when Whale re-entered the room.

"Ready?" he asked Regina, putting on rubber gloves as he dragged the wheeled stool to the end of the bed – between Regina's knees.

Regina felt Emma shift uncomfortably next to her, so she squeezed her hand softly.

Emma looked cranky for the seventeen seconds his ridiculously silver head stayed out of her sights, but the moment he showed up, she let out a deep breath. The expression on his face was blank, so she would have to kill him another day.

"Okay, everything looks healthy," he said, rolling away towards the sonogram machine. "Now, the best part," he grinned, bringing the monitor and the probe closer. "Excuse me," he pulled the bedsheet down and placed gel on her abdomen again. "There… There you go."

He spun the volume button and the room was filled with the sound of a pulsing, irregular beat.

Emma pressed her fingers around Regina's hand. "Is that-?"

"A strong heart to be. It will sound steadier in a few more weeks," Whale grinned at them. "And there's your baby," he pointed at the small smudge on the screen.

Emma stared at Regina, who grinned expectantly at her, then she approached the monitor in silence, her eyes on the ¼ inch spot Whale had pointed. She swallowed hard, feeling her heart in her throat.

"Huh."

Whale and Regina turned to her. That was not exactly the reaction they had expected, but then Regina saw the tears freely rolling down the blonde's face.

"Will you excuse me for a sec," Emma muttered with a raspy, choked voice, and left the room.

The doctor looked at Regina with a questioning look.

"She's the sentimental one," the brunette shrugged, smiling at him.

"Is she going to be okay on her own?"

"Give her some time," Regina nodded, removing her feet from the bed supports and climbing down.

"Okay. How's the nausea? Are you feeling any kind of discomfort?"

"It feels worse. And now it's like I'm always bloated."

"Unfortunately that is normal, but it will go away in a few more weeks. Ginger might help with that, and small meals all through the day. Gas is also normal; you can do some exercises to-"

"That's not it, I'm talking about my stomach, not-"

"It works for the stomach, too," he said comprehensively, aware that it must be difficult for the former Evil Queen to talk about, well, _gas._ He handed her a pamphlet with a series of exercises to help relieve the sensation of swelling.

"Fine," she grunted. "Well, can I put my clothes back on?"

"Sure. Go to the lab at the end of the corridor. They'll do another blood test, just to follow up. You're discharged after that, Madam Mayor."

She rolled her eyes after he left the room. What was the point in calling her that after discussing _gas_? Thank _God_ Emma was not in the room…

While she walked towards the labs, Emma was nowhere to be seen. A middle aged nurse promptly led Regina towards a chair for the blood test and began tapping her arm slightly to feel her veins, when Emma showed up at the door.

She was holding a heart shaped balloon and a giant teddy bear.

Her eyes were puffy and red, but her watery smile was priceless.

"Hey," she mouthed, waving sheepishly.

"Come on in, dear," the nurse beckoned the blonde towards them, pulling a stool next to Regina's armchair.

Emma hurried inside, thanking the woman with a smile; she picked the balloon line with the same hand she was holding the huge stuffed bear and used the free one to hold Regina's reassuringly by giving it a soft squeeze.

Regina grinned up at the blonde and kept staring at her to avoid watching the needle going underneath her skin. She hated blood tests, but even the stinging pain was tolerable with Emma next to her.

She waited for it, flinching slightly when the nurse pressed it, but before she could acknowledge the ball of cotton she was offered, Regina frowned when most of the color in Emma's face was gone.

The blonde gave a low, goofy chuckle and ungraciously did a nosedive towards the linoleum floor.

Regina gasped. " _Emma_!"

Unfazed, the nurse looked down at an out cold blonde; the balloon escaped her loose fingers and bumped against the ceiling, while the teddy bear remained flat against her stomach. The nurse marched towards the door and shoved her head around the doorway.

"I need an extra hand here!" she called out. "Mama Sheriff fainted!"

 _September_

It was ten past midnight when Emma knocked at Mr. Clark's door.

He looked crankier than Granny when he saw it was her again.

"It's the third time this week, Sheriff!"

"I know, I know! I'm sorry! You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't a life or death situation!"

"Tell your wife that food craving is not a life or death situation!"

"It is for me, Mr. Clark! C'mon! She made _Leroy_ cry last week!"

He rolled his eyes and let out a sigh of defeat. "Fine. Hold on a second-"

Emma followed him downstairs towards his drugstore, the only place she could find antacid low carb ice cream and ginger after midnight in Storybrooke. Last time she had picked his lock to avoid bothering him, but Mr. Clark was not very happy with her, so Emma gave up the old habits and started to ask.

He was the only dwarf that didn't work on remodeling their kitchen two months ago, and the only one who had not been directly mauled by Regina, so he felt confident enough to growl at Emma even though she was a city authority.

And she had to be okay with a few insults, because it paid off. It always did.

After profusely thanking him, Emma jumped back into the bug with a paper bag and a large smile on her face. She drove towards the main street, and lowered the speed when she noticed Dorothy's car in front of Bed & Breakfast. The windows were foggy and she thought she heard a familiar groan coming from inside the vehicle.

Ruby and Dorothy had decided on a low profile relationship, and well, that wasn't working.

Chuckling, she hit the gas pedal and drove home. Regina was watching TV, surrounded by comforters and pillows when she arrived. Her face lit up when Emma showed her the paper bag.

"Thank you, dear," she kissed Emma when she sat down next to her.

"You know I will do _anything_ for you and her, right?"

She loved to see that sparkle in Regina's dark eyes; her heart felt even warmer inside her chest.

"I know," she whispered, resting her head on Emma's shoulder.

"Wait, look," Emma gave her wrist a soft twist, and a spoon materialized in her hand. "I've been practicing."

"You're getting very good at it," Regina chuckled, accepting it and attacking her ice cream tube.

Emma watched her eat with a proud smile. She remembered how hungry she had been when she was pregnant with Henry, and how much she wished she had someone to get her crappy food in the middle of the night.

But no one did that for her, especially because she was in jail and she had no one in the world.

And now, she had everyone that mattered.

"Tell me you're not horny with this," Regina said, her eyes trained on the stupid late TV show. "This could _not_ be considered food porn, even for you."

Emma chuckled. "So, where this vocabulary came from, Mrs. Mills?" she asked amused, placing one hand against Regina's warm thigh underneath her silk robe.

"I watched porn this afternoon," was the blatant confession that had Emma snapping her neck to look at her wife.

"Huh?"

Regina shrugged, her eyes still avoiding Emma's. "There's a lot of stupid information on those pages."

"Tell me you didn't click on the ads-"

"I'm not an imbecile, Emma. The ads were not even useful."

"And what, exactly, was useful at a porn site other than… well, _porn_?"

"I was doing research… about comfortable but not boring sex positions on that google thing, and it offered me two hundred and fifty two pages of pornography sites. I had to choose one, eventually."

Emma was going to end up whiplashed.

"Gina, you-"

Her voice trailed off as she remembered Dr. Whale's last appointment and the folder he gave her. Back then, she did not feel like that because jail was a real turn off, but well, they were on a very comfortable couch situation now. And apparently, Regina _was_ the type of pregnant with crazy hormones and a skyrocketing libido.

She felt her hand ran up Regina's thigh without her command. She was not wearing underwear.

Regina dropped the ice cream on the coffee table and flung herself towards Emma's lap and straddled her, kissing her passionately in the process, frenetically rubbing herself against her. As she was wearing jeans and very aware of how tender the lower area could get, Emma gently offered her palm, placing it between Regina and herself.

She was oh so very _wet_ …

Regina pulled away from the kiss, rounding Emma's neck with her arms.

"Get the thing," she murmured, pressing her hips down more urgently.

"What thing?" Emma asked dully, enthralled by the wetness in her hand.

"The… _thing._ "

Oh.

Emma grinned smugly. So she had seen something she liked on a porn site. Huh. That was interesting.

Pregnant Regina was interesting.

Pregnant Regina was intensively hot.

Emma thought she was about to give her wife some sort of quick relief, when she felt and then saw manicured fingers fumbling with her zipper. Regina pulled Emma's pants down to her knees, and when the blonde reached out to push it forwards past her feet, the other woman grabbed her wrist and shook her head.

"Leave it to your knees. I don't want you moving around because I'm in charge today," she said commandingly, with a lascivious look that was oddly familiar and yet new to Emma. "Understood, Sheriff?"

Emma gasped when she felt her own excitement pooling between her legs.

"Yes, Gina," she muttered.

Regina slapped her in the face, only enough to burn her skin without actually hurting her. " _Yes, Madam Mayor_ ," she said sternly.

"Holy Mother of fucking God, Regina," Emma hissed between clenched teeth, feeling more turned on than she probably ever did in her entire thirty-eight years of existence. "Fucking understood, Madam Mayor," she breathed.

Regina leaned forward, lifting her hip only slightly, using Emma's shoulder for support. "Put that on," Regina whispered in her ear.

If her intention was to turn Emma on to the point of no return so she could get a spectacular performance from the blonde… Well, that worked.

Emma flicked her hand once or twice, and the second she made sure it was properly attached to her hips, she thrusted mercilessly, forcing out a loud, surprised moan from the brunette. She lowered her hip to get impulse for the next thrust, but Regina was faster and sat down against her, gasping as another throaty moan escaped her lips.

Emma's eyes narrowed. She could fight for dominance all right.

She held Regina's hips in place and lifted hers, smacking her thighs against the back of Regina's. And she did it again, and again, until she could only hear gasps, moans and the rhythmic wet pace of each thrust.

Regina looked at Emma in the eyes, squeezing her shoulders, digging her nails against her skin.

"Can you… feel… it too?" she panted.

"Feel what?" Emma gasped in between poundings.

Regina merely smirked for a second, going back to her ecstatic trance, throwing her head back as she moaned shamelessly. Emma didn't have time to register what, when and how it happened, but she just felt every nerve end on _her_ area suddenly electrify when Regina smacked herself down on her lap.

"Do it again," she said with a raspy voice.

Regina lifted her hips, a suggestive eyebrow arched, as though she had no idea what Emma meant. She grabbed the back of the couch for firmer support. "What is it you want, dear?"

"Sit down," Emma mumbled.

"I didn't hear you, Sheriff. Stop babbling."

"I said," Emma's blue eyes went wide as she forcefully grabbed Regina's waist. "Sit the fuck down, Madam Mayor!"

Regina let her take the lead for a while, but then she decided she would set the pace. She wanted to do to Emma exactly what Emma did to her.

For that reason, she went down slowly as she held Emma's wrists above her head, against the wall. She loved the panting and the groaning Emma produced every time she lowered herself.

She rode Emma torturously slow, trying to build up an orgasm for both of them. At some point she lost complete control of what she was doing, so she accelerated the pace and started to move her hips up and down frantically, almost desperately.

Emma came first with a strangled cry against her ear, grabbing a fistful of Regina's hair. The brunette looked proudly at the barely conscious blonde underneath her, and she was taken by surprise when Emma carefully but quickly flipped her on the couch.

She offered her best shit eating grin to Regina and started to pound fast and strong. Never in her life had missionary position felt the opposite of boring. She was pretty sure Regina was tearing strips from the skin of her back by the time she came, crying and gasping for dear life.

Emma looked down at Regina, and the brunette saw that loving light again, just as if savage Emma was gone and replaced by her adoring Emma again.

"We should've recorded that on camera," the blonde muttered.

With the little energy she had left, Regina smacked her tense triceps. "Why do you always ruin the romantic moments?"

"What?" she chuckled.

"Idiot," Regina grunted, barely able to keep her eyes open. 'I thought you were about to proclaim your undying love."

"I do that all the time, and still I would wanna watch that, wouldn't you? That was memorable, Gina!"

"Pervert."

"But-"

"Well do it again if you need to revisit it!"

"I could do with some entertainment for a couple of days until we _revisit_ it-!"

"Give me ten minutes and you'll forget about this idiotic idea, dear…"

"Huh," Emma stared blankly at Regina, still delightfully squirming under her, then a grin cracked her lips. "Understood, Madam Mayor."

"That's what I like to hear, Sheriff…"

 _September_

Regina was delighted with their pristine kitchen. It was a good change not to have dwarves swearing and hammering things inside her house, especially now that she had Emma, Ruby _and_ Charming doing the hammering and swearing.

And maybe, just maybe, she was a bit frustrated that any, absolutely _any_ cabinet door or drawer of the kitchen would open with a simple pull. She had to force it to get to the fridge, to the pantry and the oven, but the cutlery drawer was something out of a different world.

There was no way in _hell_ Emma used a baby proof in that; she might have superglued or sealed it with magic, but it wasn't possible that it was only a lame plastic utensil blocking her way to her vegetable knife.

Regina was so angry that a fireball erupted from her hand. She quickly put it off, mortified with the possibility of sending hate feelings to their unborn daughter, and the mere thought brought tears to her eyes, and she got angry all over again when Dorothy barged in the kitchen and caught her.

"Hey, Mrs. Mills, have you seen Ru- Oh. What's wrong?" she asked carefully, approaching Regina with a curious frown.

Regina sighed, losing all the energy she had gathered to give her a speech on manners and door-knocking habits.

"I can't open my drawer!" she confessed.

"Let me take a look at this," Dorothy squatted slightly to stay eye level with the offending drawer. She smacked it a few times and then pulled it. The drawer slid softly towards her, revealing Regina's knife set and large forks that freaked the hell out of Emma. "There you go," Dorothy said with a genuine smile, which was not very common - except when she called Emma Lumberjack Barbie and managed to piss her off.

"Thank you, Miss Gale," Regina said quietly. "Ruby's upstairs with the barbarians."

"Alright. Excuse me."

Dorothy sort of ran upstairs because she had seen the fireball through the window, and even though she liked Regina after getting to know her, the brunette still terrified her a little. When she got to the first floor, she followed the noise that led to a room at the end of the corridor.

That was supposed to be a second guest room, considering the furniture that rested in the corner. It was small, but cozy, and the yellowish wallpaper with teddy bear patterns made it look welcoming for a baby.

Ruby smiled when she noticed Dorothy by the door. "Hey! Let me grab my stuff-"

"Where are you going?" Emma asked her friend with a frown and a suspicious look that she only reserved to get at Dorothy's nerves, like stupid older brothers did to their sister's first boyfriend. "We're not done here."

"I told you I had an appointment, Emma."

" _Appointment_? With _her_?"

Ruby cleared her throat, noticing David's look of barely concealed amusement. Dorothy wanted to keep it discreetly, and Ruby was screwed being surrounded by the Swan-Mills-Charming clan. Of course they _all_ knew about it, but Dorothy didn't know they did.

"Yes. We're organizing an event," she said, clearing her throat again, watching Emma and Dorothy exchange pointed looks. That was karma for giving her shit about the dildo.

"What type of event?" David asked, folding his arms just like Emma. They were _so_ alike, with their blue eyes, blond hair, muscular arms, jeans and white tops that Snow White would probably want to snap a picture of her husband and daughter if she were there.

"A child's party. Mom's a pain in the ass," Dorothy lied.

"Well, try not to make out too much in the bathroom. Mothers can be a headache," Emma said simply, and then she turned around to face a flushed Dorothy and an annoyed Ruby. "And stop banging inside the car, I'll need to file you a warning next time I catch you."

"So they know?" Dorothy asked Ruby.

"Yep. Now that we cleared that one, excuse me," she waved at the blond pair. "I'm going to make out."

"Thanks for the help, Rubes," Emma grinned, waving the hammer at her. "And Dorothy?"

"Yeah?"

"You're escalated for part two of the baby's room development."

"Got it, Barbie-"

Ruby pulled Dorothy out of the room in time when a duct tape roll hit the doorway where her head had been a second ago.

"That practically means you're part of the family," Ruby told her, holding her hand as they went down the stairs.

Dorothy chuckled, shaking her head and barely believing that coming out like that could make her smile this much. When they passed by the kitchen archway, Regina waved with an apron and oven mitts.

"I'm preparing lasagna, you two are not staying?"

"Thank you, Regina. We're off to see a movie," Ruby waved back with a smile.

"Well, have fun. Thank you again for the drawer, Miss Gale. And please, stop making out inside your car. I didn't want to impose, but Emma will have to issue you a ticket-"

" _Got it_!" Ruby interrupted, offering her a smile with her lips pressed tightly, pulling Dorothy with her towards the door. "I'm so sorry about that," she said quietly when they were on the front walk.

"Well, meeting the family is part of the whole thing, right?"

Ruby smirked. "Yeah. Wait until you are seated on a flourished couch face to face with Granny..."

XXX

Regina went upstairs a few minutes after David left with one Pyrex full of lasagna. She walked past Henry's old bedroom and their own. Emma was in the last room, crawling on all fours with a measuring tape. She smiled fondly at the sight of the half-finished bedroom and the effort her wife was putting into building it almost literally from the ground.

"Not tired, dear?"

Emma turned back at her, the butterflies in her stomach swirling around with the sight of Regina's loving smile. The brunette looked beautiful even though she felt worn out some days; it was too soon to tell, but Emma could swear their baby was already turning Regina's belly into a little bump.

"I'm just finishing with the measures. I'm going to pick the carpet for her room tomorrow. Did you decide on what color we should get?"

"Something vanilla… _ish_ , to go with the wallpaper. Surprise me."

"Last time you said 'Surprise me', we ended up having angry sex in the locker room of the Sheriff Station, Gina."

"Don't surprise me with the wrong color and we might repeat that. Now come downstairs. I want to… try something."

Emma smirked. "Found a new position that you liked?"

Given the eye roll, Emma could tell one thing already: Regina was annoyed because she would have to let go the stuck drawer incident for the time being if she wanted some action in her pants.

"Don't take long," Regina said turning around and leaving. "And bring body oil."

The scenario would be a little different now; instead of two glasses of wine and both of them with angry rashes on their elbows and knees because of the rug, they had a yoga mat, cushions and lube, foot rubes instead of foreplay and a great chance that Emma would dislocate her pelvis before their child was born.

The blonde smiled as she stared around the room. They would have a baby crying in the middle of the night for a long time, so they had to make the best of it now. She got up from the floor and gave the room one last look before she turned off the light switch.

If she was lucky, maybe she would only develop tendinitis.


	9. The Baby, The Mom and The Other Mom

**First of all, some reviews make me SO giddy (both from the first story and from this one). Thank you so much for that!**

 **Hopefully, hormonal Regina is the new favorite, because it's too damn fun to write and it just keeps coming…**

 _October_

"Sheriff Station," Emma said, stifling a yawn as she picked up the phone.

" _Hi, Ma._ "

"Hey, kid!" she smiled broadly at the surprise. "I didn't expect a call from you. Not on this number, at least."

" _If you answered your cellphone for once_."

Oh snap. When he sounded like his pregnant mother, Emma took one or two seconds to straighten up on her chair just as if she was being watched.

" _She could go in labor, or need you while you're not home_ ," he added.

Emma didn't point out that Regina couldn't go in labor when she was only four months ahead, but Regina _could_ need her for some other reason. "You're right, I just-"

The call sizzled slightly as he sighed. " _I'm sorry. I'm just having a bad day_."

"What happened, honey? It's only seven in the morning," she asked sympathetically.

" _It's a… girl problem_."

"Did… Violet call? Sent her bad boy boyfriend to kick your ass? Oh wait! She sent you the famous shit bag on fire?"

" _Where do you get those ideas from, Ma? Seriously_."

"Sorry, fine," she grumbled. "Got carried away a little."

He chuckled. " _The girl's not Violet_."

"Oh," Emma nodded in admiration, even though he wasn't at the Station to see that. "Is that about the cute Goth who loves us?"

" _Ma_!"

"Well?"

" _I'll call mom, never mind_ -"

"Okay okay! I'm sorry! Really. Let me help," Emma held back the laughter, because this was one of the few times he went straight to her with something serious. The subject tended to be about girls, but well shit, Regina couldn't always win. "What happened?"

Henry sighed again.

" _Amy and I… had a… fight_."

"Okay."

" _Huh. It was right after… you know_. _We sort of… shared a… moment._ "

Emma scowled, fully aware he was talking about sex. "Ookaay…"

" _She started asking questions about Storybrooke, and I sort of let slip that she wouldn't even talk to me that much if I didn't have an interesting background. I mean… I sort of implied that she was just interested about my family ties_."

"Oh kid… Just… Do you really think that?"

" _I was just a little upset that she seemed more interested in you and mom and the book than… well, me_. _Like a ridiculous comparison to her trying to marry into money._ "

"Okay. So, as the truest screw up of the family, here's an idea. Apologize and accept doghouse for as long as she imposes it."

" _There's no doghouse when you're friends with benefits_ ," he said, and he sounded genuinely bitter. " _You lose the benefits, but you also lose a friend_."

Emma considered it for a moment. "Can I ask you something, kid?"

" _Yeah_."

"Do you like her as in… more than friends?"

There was a long, long pause.

" _I like her as in more than I liked… anyone. And I don't even know how that fucking happened, because I took her back home as friends and when we got back I couldn't stop thinking about her, and… Shit_."

So the babbling _and_ the sailor mouth did run in the family…

"Kid, listen… There's no easy way to fix that other than coming clean. Look, I could have been with your mom a _lot_ sooner if I just… you know? Be honest with her."

" _I think it's too late_."

"Why?"

" _She's going on a date with another guy tonight_."

"Well, it's not like she's _marrying_ the dude, kid-"

" _Do you remember how you royally freaked out when you saw mom at the movie theater and thought she had a boyfriend_?"

Emma cringed at the memory. That was a horrible sensation of loss. "Yes?"

" _That's how I'm feeling! I never took her out on a date! What's wrong with me?"_

"God, kid… I'm sorry about the Swan genes, but seriously… Desperate times require desperate measures."

" _I like that tone. Sounds like you have some Gazebo idea_."

"It's romantic!"

" _And probably stupid_."

"Do you want my help or not?"

She could see the hopeful smile cracking his lips.

" _What we gonna call this_?"

"Operation Wait up for her at the door of her dorm and tell her how you feel."

" _That's a long name for an op_."

"Call me later. I wanna know how that turned out."

" _Tell mom to rest and eat vegetables_."

"Will do, kid."

" _Thanks, Ma_."

XXX

On her lunch break, Emma left the station and drove to Town Hall. After crossing the lobby, she was taken by surprise when she saw, instead of Regina's best friend slash secretary, a young man behind the front desk.

"Oh, hi! Good morning, Sheriff Swan-Mills!"

"You're not Katherine," she pointed out stupidly.

The guy smiled as he stood up. He was about his mid-twenties, had brown hair and a ridiculous stub. He was impeccably dressed in social clothes.

"Hm no. I'm only staying for a while. It's nice to meet you at last," he said politely.

Too bad she couldn't say the same.

He reminded her of Graham behind those light, condescending eyes, and Emma hated him because Graham once was Regina's _distraction_. She wanted to punch him, but then he stretched out a hand and she had to shake it, wishing she could break his fingers.

"I'll announce you to the Mayor-"

Katherine never announced her after Regina and she got married. Everybody in that town _knew_ she was the Mayor's wife and vice-versa, and there was no need to be announced like suddenly Regina became Queen Elizabeth.

Well, she had been Queen, but that was not even the point. The guy was talking to her again when she stopped babbling inside her head.

"Please," he smiled as he courteously held the door open for her.

Emma had to fight back the urge to kick him in the balls as she walked past him. The disgruntled look on her face didn't go unnoticed by the Mayor.

"Dear?" she asked with a small frown, standing up carefully. Her belly was now slightly prominent, and even though the back rub sessions were more frequent, she still felt sore most of the time.

"Where's Katherine?"

The corner of Regina's red lips twitched upwards. "She's on her lunch break. That young man is Mr. Rogers. She's teaching him her job. Frederick himself called me to give her two weeks off in February because they're going on a cruise."

"I never saw him before," Emma said grumpily, slumping down the nearest chair, thinking Mr. Rogers was too formal for someone who stopped wearing diapers just the day before.

"Katherine met him at the gym, I think. Or was it French cuisine classes? Anyway, she said Brad will be a good help when I go out on maternity leave."

Oh, so Mr. Rogers had a name.

"She's so thoughtful, that little bastard," the blonde offered a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I'll thank her in person for being such a good secretary-"

"Emma."

The Sheriff looked up grudgingly, folding her arms across her chest. "Well, is it Halloween there yet? 'Cause this guy looks a _hell_ lot like my worst nightmare."

Regina folded her arms above her tummy. "Which is?"

"Boy toy rings a bell to you? Young, tall, looks like the type that cried watching Marley & Me?"

The brunette walked around her large desk and sat on top of it when she was in front of her wife. "Emma, he's half my age!"

"So?"

"I am carrying your child! I am married to you!"

"Please, don't let me and my conceptive prowess stand in the way-"

"You're being irrational!"

Emma looked down at her boots, feeling embarrassingly stupid. She fumbled with her fingers, and she looked up when Regina held her hand on hers. The brunette's smile was warm and reassuring, if not slightly amused with the jealousy show.

"I'm flattered with your concern, but there's no need to worry about it, dear."

The sheriff got up and flung her arms around Regina's waist. "Mine," she grunted like a spoiled child.

"Gold never mentioned anything about you becoming more territorial?"

"I was always territorial."

"It's adorable, but remember what he told you. Your mind can be your prison if you set it to bad things. Don't forget it's going to be _you_ holding my hand when I'm in labor, on her first day at school, when she graduates, when she goes to college-"

"We're sending this one to college too?" Emma asked, wide eyed and exasperated. "Oh _man…_ I thought we could keep _at least_ one kid, Regina! Henry's the first born, he gets to leave! I can't let her go as well-"

Regina gasped. "Did you feel that?"

"What?"

The brunette took a step back and placed both hands on her belly. "I thought-"

"What?"

"Wait. Say something. I think she recognized your voice…"

" _What?_ "

"Give me your hand," Regina pulled her arm and placed Emma's hand against her belly, covering it with her own. "Talk."

"Huh… I love you?"

"Do the babbling thing."

"I hate Brad and I'm going to break his nose if he ever – Holy shit!" Emma chuckled and grinned from ear to ear, pulling her hand back in pure reflex and then hurrying to place it on Regina's belly again. "Hey, baby girl! It's Ma – Did you feel that? She kicked, Gina! Ha!"

Regina smiled fondly at the adorable display of affection, not sure what to do with Emma – kiss her, smother her into a hug or shrink her into thumb size to keep her in her pocket all day.

"Oh, she's already fallen for you," she said, squeezing Emma's hand softly.

"Maybe I'll get her to stay home forever when she can see my puppy eyes."

"Maybe," Regina grinned. "Are we going home for lunch? My bladder's not helping me much."

"Go pee before we head out. I'll do the same around Brian's desk while I wait."

"It's Brad. Wait for me in the car and leave him alone."

"Can't promise that, Regina," Emma shook her head, leaving the office and making the brunette roll her eyes with an amused smile on her face.

XXX

Henry woke up startled, gasping for air. The jump made him hit the back of his head on the wall, and he almost hit it a second time when he saw Amy, holding her keys and looking down confusedly at the boy sleeping on her doorstep.

"What are you doing here?"

She looked beautiful and he had no idea why he never really noticed it before. "Huh."

"You _do_ snore."

He rolled his eyes, but refrained from making any smartass comment. Maybe his mother didn't mean _literally_ to wait by the door, because she didn't give him directions on what to do next. But knowing the old, clueless Emma Swan like he did, she probably meant it _exactly_ like that.

"So," he cleared his throat as he stood up. "How was your date?"

"It was good."

"Awesome," he forced a smile. "I just wanted to…" he scratched the back of his head at a loss of what to say. Perhaps he should have written a letter; he was good at writing. "Say good night. I wanted to… say good night." He made a pause, considering how stupid and lame he sounded." I'm an idiot for what I said yesterday. I'm really sorry, Amy."

He walked sullenly towards the end of the corridor to take the stairs, when she called out his name.

"It wasn't very fun. My date," she added when he raised one confused eyebrow.

Henry smiled a little, because he knew that tone. "Why not?"

She sighed. "He didn't make me laugh food out of my nose."

Chuckling, Henry stuck his nervous hands into his pockets. Amy had _never_ made him nervous, and now it felt like he was fourteen again.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"That you _are_ an idiot," she said slowly, and then she smiled. "And you're welcome to go back to _your_ dorm now."

"We're still… friends?"

"Can you please understand that I'm benching you for a couple days just because I like you the way you like me?"

Henry grinned. "Wanna go out on a date with me after that?"

"You can't ask me out while you're benched!" Amy grinned back.

"I'll wait," he nodded. "Or you could unbench me and-"

"Goodnight, Henry Mills," she interrupted him as she walked halfway inside her dorm. "And _unbench_ is not a word." She shut the door closed and stuck her head out in the corridor again a second before. "I'll go out on a date with you after that."

XXX

Emma was startled by the soft vibrating sound in the middle of the night. She reached out towards her nightstand and grabbed her cellphone, groaning in pain when the bright light hit her sensitive eyes. After getting used to the clarity, Emma noticed it was a text from Henry.

 _It worked. Go back to sleep. Sorry to wake you up. Ok. Bye. Love you._

Smiling sleepily, Emma flipped it shut and placed it back next to her pillow. Regina grunted something and suddenly she was fully awake.

"Who is texting you at this hour?" she asked, her voice thick with sleep and hoarser than usual.

"It's Henry," Emma whispered, cuddling her wife. "He and Amy, you know…"

"Amy Johnson is texting you in the middle of the night, Emma Swan?" Regina snapped, sitting bolt upright as she turned on the lamp on her side of the bed.

Oh yeah, Regina had selective hearing now. And what was it with full name basis again?

"Not the cat cuckoo, Gina," Emma pulled her back into her arms. "Amy from New York, sweetie. Henry's Amy."

"They are… together now?" Regina asked quietly, turning to look at Emma with a cute confused frown.

"Yep," she grinned. "Meaning you owe me twenty bucks. Which you will _not_ pay," she added when she saw the way Regina was dangerously narrowing her eyes in her direction. "Because you are already all uncomfortable carrying my child and I should be thankful for that. And it's wrong to bet money on our kid's happiness."

Regina squeezed her lips to keep from laughing. She rolled back to her side and sat by the edge of the bed. Stretching slightly, she stood up and went slowly towards the bathroom, one hand always securing the slightly advanced volume on her belly.

Emma felt bad that Regina had to wake up about four to five times every night just to pee, and she hated that her feet didn't fit comfortably in some of her shoes anymore. Put the breast tenderness and all major discomforts altogether and Emma was already chastising herself for causing that.

But then Regina came back to bed, curled up and molded her back against Emma's front, falling asleep almost instantly after her head touched the pillow. Emma drew nearer, inhaling the wonderful scent of her hair as she enveloped both mother and baby with one arm.

Like most nights, their girl kicked her hand once and then settled to sleep, and Emma could barely close her eyes, unable to stop smiling and congratulating them both for doing that little fuck up with science.

 _November_

While Snow climbed up the stairs, she took in her surroundings; it smelled like a minor pandemonium was about to break loose. Henry was home for Thanksgiving, and he was helping Ruby and Dorothy in the kitchen – considering the loud clanks and laughter, they were messing up the entire schedule Regina had pegged on the fridge.

David was chatting with Katherine and Frederick in the living room, and Neal was oddly distracted by Henry's old comic books, sprawled on the rug with his cute serious boy clothes.

When she reached the master suite, Snow heard the hissed conversation, which consisted basically on snaps from Regina and muttered reassurances from Emma.

"I'm _not_ going to wear sweatpants for Thanksgiving just because I don't fit in my pants, Miss Swan! Thank you for the extra pounds, by the way! Your daughter eats just as much as you!"

Emma looked helplessly at her mother when she saw her standing on the doorway. _Help me,_ she mouthed, holding a pair of pants with elastic waistline, which Regina probably wanted to use to strangle her.

"Hey," Snow said hesitatingly. "What's going on?"

"As if getting me pregnant and making me gain sixteen pounds wasn't enough, your daughter wants me to wear gym clothes in front of our guests!" Regina spat, folding her arms across her breasts, making them look even bigger than they already were inside her robe.

"Oh, I'm sure we can find another way," Snow said with an amused smile. She wished she could take a picture of Emma's face. "Please, get the hell out of here," she muttered through clenched teeth when she approached her daughter and took the pants from her hands.

Regina threw a shoe at her, but it hit the wall instead. Emma literally _ran_ out of the bedroom.

" _Idiot_."

Trying to keep the laughter only inside her head, Snow walked around the bed and checked the clothes Regina had probably tried before Emma not so brilliantly suggested slack pants.

"What about a long skirt with a thicker elastic band?"

Regina was about to snap again, but then she stopped to consider it. "Well. It might work."

"And you can still look elegant," Snow smiled encouragingly.

"That's not possible if you're carrying a child that eats like an adult! I put on _sixteen pounds_ , Snow!"

"Hey, calm down," the woman held her around the shoulders and had her sitting on the bed. "It's normal, and it's not even a lot. The baby needs food, and well, that's Emma's baby."

"Stupid breeder."

"Yeah, yeah, I wanted to kill Charming towards the end of the second trimester. It'll go away."

Regina sighed, and Snow caught something about her expression that wasn't anger.

"What's wrong, Regina?"

The brunette reached out for something on her nightstand and showed it to her. She had on her palm her engagement ring and her wedding ring.

"They don't fit anymore," she sniffed.

"Well, do you have a golden chain we can use?" Snow smiled reassuringly.

"I think there's one… inside the box on the vanity…"

Snow found it and came back to her side as she opened the latch. "Here. Put the rings on it. You can carry it around your neck until you can wear them on your finger again. Now, let's see… Where do you keep your skirts?"

Regina smiled in disbelief as she watched Snow White fuss about her clothes; her previous enemy would probably save the day. She picked a black t-shirt and a black and white skirt that covered her feet, making it possible for her to wear any kind of shoe that she wanted.

"Can I tell Charming?" Snow asked quietly.

"Tell him what?"

"That it's a girl."

Regina grinned broadly. "Of course you can."

When both women went downstairs arm in arm, Emma walked through the kitchen archway and watched Regina with real adoration. Snow patted her daughter-in-law on the back and left them alone, calling out for Neal – he was oddly and dangerously silent for a five year old boy.

"You look gorgeous," Emma said grinning.

"I'm sorry I called you an idiot. And stupid breeder. And that I tried to hit your head with my shoe."

Emma chuckled, helping her down the final steps. "It felt a bit like the old times. You look incredibly hot when you're mad at me."

"Even with the extra pounds?"

"Pounds are nothing. You're hot even in those fancy clothes with Darth Vader slippers, Gina."

"They are comfortable and keep my feet warm, what was I supposed to-?"

Regina stopped ranting when she caught David staring at them with a weird look on his face. His light eyes were glistening and it reminded Regina of the day he walked her down the aisle.

"It's a girl?" he asked quietly, approaching them. When both women grinned at him, David threw his arms around Emma and Regina. "Well done, girls. Well done," he muttered with the biggest, brightest smile in the world.

 _December_

They didn't come back late from the Charmings' apartment after Christmas dinner, but it still felt odd that Emma woke up at seven in the morning on a Sunday – _before_ Regina. The brunette grabbed her wife's abandoned pillow and sat on their bed to watch the snow falling outside; she picked her cellphone to send Henry a message.

Amy had invited him over to her place this time, and even though it was his first Christmas away from home, Regina felt oddly close to him after they talked on the phone after midnight. She was surprised when she noticed he had texted her first.

Regina opened the picture attached to the blank text and chuckled. Henry and Amy were wearing Santa Claus hats, grinning like fools, holding a sign that said MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM GOTH & CRANKY. It was like they could become the eighth and ninth dwarves, and Emma was going to love that, so Regina left the room to go after her.

To her surprise, Emma was not downstairs trying to make breakfast; instead, the noise was coming from the baby's room. Regina stopped at the doorway and gasped inaudibly, holding her belly with both hands on pure instinct.

A week ago, she had been surprised when Emma put together a crib by herself without many hammer accidents, but what she saw was a whole new level of dedication.

The room was barely illuminated by a dog shaped lamp. Emma was wearing a pair of shorts with snowmen's pattern, ridiculously large red socks and a green woolen sweater that had holes on the shoulders. About six or seven years ago, Regina Mills would have scoffed with despise and contempt at her; today, Regina Swan-Mills felt her heart melt inside her chest with the sight.

Emma was hanging tiny crystal apples to the crib mobile that once belonged to her own crib back in the Enchanted Forest, touching them with the tip of her finger to make them glow red in contrast with the white and blue figures. Wiping the tears away from her eyes, Regina used the frontal camera of her phone to snap a picture of herself and a distracted Emma working on the mobile.

Regina typed a message to Henry.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM KICKING BABY, PREGNANT MOM & AMAZING MOM.


	10. This Charming Woman

**Thank you all for the reviews, favs and follows, and thank you for reading! This chapter was too fun to write, I hope you enjoy it!**

 _January_

" _Gina_!" Emma called from downstairs. By the sound and distance of her voice, she was probably halfway through the front door.

Regina rolled her eyes; she was not even slightly happy with the idea of being in a room that smelled like feet and surrounded by other pregnant women.

She hated to admit that Emma's gym clothes were dreadfully comfortable; she may end up by actually liking them, and there was no way in hell she wanted to parade around town wearing those grayish, slack sacks with holes for arms and legs.

When she stopped at the top of the staircase, she saw Emma exactly where she had imagined: by the door, with the car keys in hand and three backpacks slung on her shoulders – one with Regina's work clothes, one with hospital clothes for the baby _and_ Regina (because Whale had warned them that some babies came earlier and it was always a good plan to have things packed) and a third one with her own work clothes.

Emma was wearing a similar outfit, and she grinned when she saw her seven-month pregnant, very reluctant wife.

"C'mon, it will be fun!"

"You have a very controversial sense of fun, dear," Regina grunted, taking the first step down carefully. Emma ignored her remark and hurried up to help her. By the time they got to the Mercedes, Regina was in a terrible mood, which only improved when they arrived at the gym.

The scowl in Emma's face was too damn funny when she saw Brad Rogers welcoming the couples entering the two store building.

"Are you fucking kidding me? He works _everywhere_?"

"This was your idea!" Regina smirked at her. "C'mon, dear-"

Angrily grunting under her breath, Emma collected the bags and got the door for Regina, stretching a possessive hand at her and blocking Brad's way with the bags when he approached to help.

"We're good here, Bret," she snapped.

Regina rolled her eyes as she let Emma pull her out of the car; she felt so heavy that she wasn't in the mood to waste energy scolding her wife for something she was going to regret in a few minutes…

Brad held the door open for them despite Emma's childish behavior, and the patient, condescending look on his face made Emma want to throw the bags on the ground and pick a fight with him on the sidewalk.

He followed them inside, exchanging one knowing look with Regina. It was a small place, full of posters and obstetric pictures that would get to Emma's nerves if she weren't too busy carrying the weight of a three small children on her back while she tried to keep her fists away from Brad's jaw.

Even though she hated being accused of things she could not possibly be blamed for (not to mention the advantages of being the one carrying the child – she had the right to be irrational), Regina was looking smug by the time they arrived at the classroom.

It was packed with couples, and they were all eyeing them curiously, like they were some sort of celebrity – which was probably true; a woman that managed to impregnate the other was a constant gossip in Storybrooke.

Emma was about to ask Regina what she was smirking at, when the Lamaze instructor – which was a very muscular guy with a lumberjack beard- called the room for attention.

"Today we have an especial couple here, everyone. Let's welcome Emma and Regina to their first class," he clapped his hands excitedly. "I could not believe when Brad told me you were coming. It's a real pleasure to us-"

Emma slowly dropped the bags on the floor, frowning at the loving look Brad was throwing at the instructor. Regina kept her smug face to a minimum, comfortably seated on their mat. The blonde crouched behind her still eyeing the two guys suspiciously, and when she placed each leg beside Regina's, she drew her mouth closer to her ear.

"They are a couple," Emma whispered.

"Yes, they are," the brunette whispered back.

"And you didn't tell me."

"I forgot to mention."

"You let me pull out a stupid fit over a gay guy!"

"Yes I did."

" _Why_?"

"Because I wanted to see this exact look on your face, dear," Regina turned back and patted her cheek softly with a wicked grin. "You were right. This _is_ fun!"

 _February_

It was Valentine's Day, and Granny's was decorated with paper hearts hanging on the walls and ceiling, along with red confetti and streamers. All the tables had a candle and a rose in the center, and most couples in Storybrooke had managed to get reservations for the night.

Emma entered the diner and saw Archie and Laura sitting on a booth in the far corner of the room, from where they waved at her. Emma smiled when she saw Nadia with a beautiful girl on another table; they looked happy and that was really good to witness after everything that had happened between them.

She saw her parents on their usual booth, but what caught her eye was a sullen Dorothy sitting alone on her table, tearing napkins absently minded as she watched the rest of the clients. When she saw Ruby looking even grumpier, wearing an apron and hurrying to serve the couples around the diner, comprehension downed on Emma's face. Ruby threw a frustrated look at Dorothy and shook her head, going back to the kitchen when Granny yelled at her.

"How's Regina?" Snow asked the second Emma plopped down next to her.

"Still a bit grumpy, so I came to pick Valentine's food. When she's able to poof or even walk again, she's gonna kill Whale."

He had recommended nothing but rest for her in their last appointment, especially because Regina was forty-two, and even though everything was fine, her case was still considered risky.

David grinned, entertained by the possibility. Ten years ago Dr. Whale took his wife on a date while she was still Mary Margaret and he was married to Katherine, but he still resented it.

"Where's Neal?" Emma asked, chuckling at her dad's attitude.

"We left him with the other children in the Library. Belle is playing a movie for them," Snow smirked. "Looks like she's put Gold on the bench for good."

"Ouch," the blonde scrunched her nose, and her eyes fell again on Dorothy. "Speaking of which..."

"Poor thing," Snow shook her head. "She's been sitting there for hours…"

"We could convince Granny to let Ruby off the hook," David said, looking at his wife with expectant eyes.

"You do that," Emma stood up. "I'll talk to Dorothy-"

The blonde marched straightforward to her table and sat down without being invited.

"What do you want?" Dorothy sighed. "If you came here to mock me because-"

"I came to ask if you are in this for real," Emma interrupted her. "We're about to risk our lives just to convince Granny to release her so that you can go out with your girlfriend on Valentine's Day. Because we can handle Eugenia Lucas at her worst, but I _won't_ have Ruby with a broken heart. Did you hear me?"

"Trust me, Barbie. I wouldn't put up with you if I wasn't for real."

Emma nodded, offering her a small smile, and then she winked at her parents. They were already rounding on Granny, who didn't look pleased with them disturbing her while she watched the kitchen.

"I assure you no one else will come here for takeout other than me, and the couples are more concerned about being with each other than with their food ," Emma approached them, and Granny squeezed her tiny blue eyes at her instead. "C'mon, Granny! Look at them-"

"You are all a bunch of lovesick thickheads," the elder woman grunted and rolled her eyes, sighing in defeat. " _Fine_! But she's working double shifts next week. And here's your food-"

Emma picked her paper bags with a grin, hugged her parents and walked past the tables to confront Ruby.

"Get out of here," she muttered to her miserable friend, who smiled broadly when Granny nodded from the kitchen counter.

Dorothy was looking expectantly at her by the door. Ruby grinned, kissed Emma on the cheek and threw her apron at the first empty chair she saw.

"Go somewhere," Emma said. "The car doesn't count."

Ruby and Dorothy laughed awkwardly and left, Emma right after them. She hurried to her bug with the food – she had a date with Regina and a ridiculous amount of pillows in their living room, after all.

XXX

" _Sheriff?_ "

Emma frowned when she recognized Brad's voice.

Katherine had left for the cruise with Frederick, and he took over the job, doing surprisingly well, but Emma still thought it was strange when Brad called. He was usually flippantly pompous, so the uptight tone got her nerves on end.

"Hey, Brad," she sat bolt upright on her chair. "What's wrong?"

" _I just got here,_ " he said quietly. Brad often would go to the mansion to help Regina work from there, but he sounded like he didn't want her to hear him. " _The Mayor can't find her cellphone and she's a little… upset. She's… mumbling that she needs to talk to you._ "

"Oh, shoot…" Emma grunted, noticing the device poking out of her jacket pocket. "I took it to work with me. Heck, is she okay?"

" _Huh, there's water… She wants to mop the floor, but I think you should come here as fast as you can."_

Emma froze with the answer. David approached her desk with a concerned frown.

"Em?" he waved a hand in front of her unresponsive face. "Hey," he held her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

It was the first time she looked so small and lost. "Her water… Her water broke."

David took a deep breath. "Okay. She'll be in labor soon. Grab your things, I'll drive."

Emma had no idea what she was doing as she stupidly and blindly fumbled for her belongings on her desk.

Regina was supposed to stay pregnant until next month.

Their packed bags were in the Mercedes.

 _At home_.

"There's nothing happening according to the plan," she muttered inside the Cruiser while David drove towards Mifflin Street as fast as he could without infringing too many laws. "She was due to March, not now. I… Her things, the bags, I left them all inside her car-"

"Calm down, okay? Watch out for accidental poofs. Regina needs you with her, okay?"

"Okay."

"She'll be nervous, so you'll need to keep calm. For her. Okay?" David urged, looking at his terrified daughter and then at the road ahead.

"Okay, dad."

The truck's tires screeched when he parked abruptly in front of 108. They hurried inside and up the stairs. Brad was sitting on the bed with Regina, holding both of her hands on his, trying to dissuade her about the mop idea. David waited by the door, and Emma walked fast towards her wife, dropping on her knees in front of her.

"Hey," the blonde said softly, grinning at her. "We're taking you to the hospital, okay?"

"She was supposed to be born next month," Regina muttered apprehensively.

"Yeah, she's a bit early, but that's normal. Whale said it could happen. Are you okay to stand? Are you in pain?"

"No, I'm just… scared."

Regina's voice cracked at the last word. Emma had never seen her looking like that, and before her stupid brain decided to make it worse by panicking, she stood up and offered her hands to her wife.

"C'mon," she smiled bravely. "Brad and my dad are going to get the bags, right?" she looked at them, who confirmed with a nod and left. "We'll drive to the hospital together. Okay? Gina? Okay?"

Regina looked up at Emma, her brown eyes drenched with unshed tears.

"It's gonna be okay," Emma said, sounding more like herself. "I promise nothing bad will happen to either of you."

Nodding, the brunette used her hands as support and propped herself up from the bed.

"Alright," Emma pulled her out of the room, and when they were at the top of the stairs, the blonde looked at Regina. "We can't poof. It's too risky, so… Trust me, okay?"

"Emma, what-?"

Regina was literally swept off her feet when Emma picked her up in her arms and began to descend the stairs.

David hurried back inside when they arrived at the front hall. "You carried her?" he asked Emma out of impulse.

"Can we move first and I'll explain how adrenaline works later?" the blonde said impatiently, with Regina still in her arms. "Did you-?"

David nodded. "I called Snow, Ruby and Henry. Brad left Katherine a voicemail because she's not picking up the phone. We called Whale, he's waiting for us at the hospital. We'll call the rest of the people when we get there-"

" _Rest of the people_?" Regina asked, finally sounding like herself. "I'm giving birth to a child and not promoting a concert!"

"The whole town is waiting to see this kid, Regina," Brad said, leaving the formalities aside for once, smiling broadly. "Oh, Katherine is gonna _hate_ me because I'm here and she's not-!"

"Fine," Regina grunted, turning to look at Emma. "Thanks, dear. I think I can walk to the car."

"Okay," the blonde nodded, carefully placing her down.

David and Emma held Regina's hands while Brad hurried and opened the Cruiser door. They helped her up the truck, Emma climbing right after her, which left Brad to sit with David in the front.

To their surprise, Brad took the Cruiser keys from Charming. "Sorry. I calculated the time you took to get here from the station, and I concluded you drive like an old lady. I'm driving, Deputy."

"This is my truck!" David protested.

"I know that, but-"

"It's my granddaughter!"

Regina and Emma exchanged looks and rolled their eyes.

"Hey!" Emma called out, and both stopped bickering. "Let's go!"

David snatched the keys from Brad and took the driver's seat looking disgruntled. To the couple's amusement, the men got into an unspoken agreement when David started to honk as they drove through Main Street while Brad gesticulated out of the window, yelling at the other drivers to get out of the way.

They arrived at the hospital in record time. Emma slung the backpack on her shoulder and stretched a hand for Regina.

"Ready?"

Regina smiled apprehensively.

"Not really."

Emma chuckled. "You'll be. I'll help."

When they climbed down the Cruiser, David was already back next to the vehicle with a wheelchair, frantically waving at Brad. "Clear the path at the entrance, make them move!"

"Don't look at me like that," Emma said to Regina, helping her sit down and taking the handlers. "You knew what you're getting into when you married me."

"He's so dramatic!" Regina said, half amused and half exasperated, watching David and Brad making a fuss at the front doors of the hospital while Emma pushed the chair as fast as she could.

When they reached the reception, Emma lost all composure and embodied the Charming in her.

"Future mom coming through! Move your asses! _Move_!"

Whale hurried towards them, looking disheveled. By the heads up David gave and the scandal they were making, he had imagined the baby was already coming out. The look on Regina's face, however, was only proof that the Charmings were merely being Charmings.

"How far apart are the contractions?" he asked the Mayor.

Regina opened her mouth to speak, but then her face contorted into a pained expression; he beckoned Emma to push the wheelchair towards the Birth Center corridor.

"I don't know," Regina said as they moved. "Thirty minutes, I guess?"

"That should be right, but we'll monitor it from here now," he said, placing his hand reassuringly on Regina's shoulder. "Let's get you into the room and check the dilation. You're going to be fine."

Regina looked back at Emma, who wished she could swap positions for a day and deal with the pain she was about to feel…

"I'm here," she said instead, smiling down at her wife, trying not to give away the nervousness that was boiling in her stomach.

With the help of a nurse, Regina was placed in bed. Emma stood by the headboard holding the brunette's hand, and her eyes widened expectantly when Whale straightened from the stool and looked up at them.

"Four centimeters," he said. "Let's keep track of the contractions now, okay? You're in charge of that," he said to Emma and then turned to Regina. "Try to relax. It's a long process, but you're healthy and doing fine. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Thank you," Emma said.

XXX

David and Ruby were greeting their friends as they arrived at the Birth Center. Snow approached them with coffee, yawning.

"It's been four hours," she said. "Where's Dorothy?"

"She stayed to help Granny at the diner," Ruby added with a chuckle. She too thought that their friendship was oddly unlikely to have ever happened, but it did.

Archie walked past them in a hurry, coming back to the group as soon as he noticed it was them.

"Hi! Am I late?"

"No," Snow smiled, but then she looked back at Regina's room apprehensively. "She's not in labor yet."

"Go check on them," David said, knowing that expression on his wife's face all too well. "C'mon, Archie, have a seat-"

He pointed at the lined chairs on the corridor; Brad and his boyfriend, George, were chatting animatedly with the others. Belle and Laura waved at Archie, then accepted snacks the dwarves were passing to people. Granny had sent a lot of bags with food to keep them with energy; apparently, she thought that having a baby for the first time was all about being fed and working as a team on the support corridor.

Blue and Nova were sitting across from them, and Amy Johnson was next to the fairies, carefully craning her neck to catch a glimpse of the Sheriff.

Snow hurried past their friends and entered the room. Emma was massaging Regina's lower back, holding a plastic cup with ice chips between her teeth, using her free hand to wipe the hair away from Regina's sweaty forehead.

The brunette's cheeks were flushed, her breathing more irregular than one hour ago.

"Where's Whale?"

"He just left," Emma said, picking the cup and adjusting Regina's pillows. "She's past nine centimeters and-"

Regina's low, heart-breaking moan made her stop talking, and it looked for a moment that both women were feeling the same type and amount of pain. Emma placed the cup on the nearest bedside table and held Regina's hand.

"You're strong, Gina. Hold on."

"I'll go get him back, then," Snow said firmly, leaving the room.

Emma watched her mother go then turned back to Regina, who was trying to muffle her moans of pain.

"I know you don't love me very much right now," Emma said tentatively, wiping the sweat off of Regina's face with a wet cloth. "But we're almost there, okay? Soon she'll be here, and we'll go home with her-"

"I love you very much right now," Regina said weakly, reaching out to grab Emma's hand, which she clasped with all her might when the next contraction came. "I might… change my mind… when she actually comes out… but I love you… No matter what I yell at you and Whale for the next few hours."

Emma chuckled lightly, feeling tears in her eyes as she bent over to kiss Regina. "I love you so much," she muttered against her hair.

Whale came inside with a nurse on his heels. He sat down on the stool and checked under the bedsheet.

"Her cervix is fully dilated. We're ready," he announced with a nod. A small team gathered around them after the nurse made a call from their room. "Okay, Regina…" he looked up at her after her put on his mask and scrubs. "Your baby will be here in a few moments. Breathe, okay?"

She gasped in pain, squeezing Emma's fingers as she tried to keep the respiration pace she was taught at Lamaze. The blonde started to count and breathe with her, ignoring that her finger bones were being crushed.

"Alright," Whale nodded and stared down between Regina's legs. "Take a deep breath and… Push."

Emma never heard Regina scream like that. She was focused on not losing her shit because Regina needed her, but it was difficult to stay sober with the reality around them when she had to hear her wife's voice echoing hoarsely in the room.

Regina let out raspy breaths through clenched teeth, and her hips seemed to contort in agony.

"OH MY GOD-"

"C'mon, Regina! You're doing great!" Whale said encouragingly. "Push!"

"I CAN'T-"

Every scream felt like a stab. Emma closed her eyes for a second, wishing they could at least split the pain. She opened them again and leaned over her panting wife.

"You can do this, Gina," she said softly. "C'mon, honey. One more push!"

"Big one!" Whale called out, and Regina hollered. "Breathe! Breathe! Another big one, Regina! We're almost there-! One more-"

"STOP SAYING JUST ONE MORE!" Regina growled, squeezing Emma's hand again.

Emma closed her eyes.

 _Please. Let me handle it._

"Push!"

"I CAN'T PUSH-"

 _Please, I want to handle it._

"You're doing amazing, Regina! One more-"

"SHUT UP, VICTOR-!"

"C'mon, Gina," Emma kissed the top of her messy hair. "One more, sweetie-!"

Regina turned to her with a very sensible look for someone who was in absurd pain.

"Shut up you too," she hissed through gritted teeth. "I've got this-"

Emma was so taken aback that Regina _knew_ what she was trying to do that she jumped on her skin when she heard a thunder outside.

"Okay, magically conceived babies have got to make an entrance," Whale commented amused, removing his mask as he stared out of the window and saw the storm coming. "C'mon, Regina. Big one! One last, big push. I can see her head-"

Regina squeezed her eyes shut as the most unbearable wave of pain hit her and she yelled at the top of her lungs.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, EMMA SWAN… EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING TH-AAAGHH!"

Regina fell back on her pillow as her voice faded and a faint, distant cry echoed in Emma's ears, like in a dream.

The nurses clapped and Whale stood up grinning with a tiny bundle on his bloodied hands.

"Say hello to your mothers, little girl-"

Emma's vision began to blur when she saw blood on Regina's inner thigh. The brunette looked at her with a very tired smile on her pale lips and then she turned to Whale with her weak arms reaching out for their daughter…

THUMP.

Whale, the nurses and Regina looked to the side. The oldest nurse shook her head when she saw Emma sprawled on the floor.

She picked the phone. "Mama Sheriff fainted again. Bring an ice pack."


	11. The Name

**I love that you loved it! Now, meet the baby…**

Regina couldn't stop looking at her.

She felt warm in her arms, and so _so_ tiny that she promised she would never stop holding her. Her daughter had sprinkles of blonde hair and a cute chin, and she knew it was impossible to tell this soon, but she looked so much like Emma…

Regina looked up for a bit and smiled fondly at the adult version, sprawled unconsciously on an armchair, the most ungracious princess she ever had the pleasure to meet, hate, love and marry.

"That's your mom, baby girl," Regina whispered. "She was so happy to see you that her heart couldn't take it. You're going to love her, and the way she'll try to cheer you up at night when you're crying, and the way she'll be unable to scold and ground you as you grow up…"

"Hey!"

Regina smiled when she saw Snow and David at the door.

"Come in."

On tiptoes and almost holding their breath, the Charmings drew closer to the bed with their eyes glistening at the sight of the newest, tiniest member of the family.

"Oh God, David!" Snow whispered, looking at her husband and then at Regina. "She looks _exactly-"_

She burst into happy tears and David grinned down at his sleeping granddaughter. "Hey, little girl… How are you feeling?" he whispered at Regina, giving her hand a soft squeeze.

"Tired, but fine," she said with a smile. Her legs were still weak and she felt sore, but she was surprised that the pain subdued almost instantly after the baby was born. "I want to wake her up," Regina said looking at Emma.

"Of course," Snow sniffed with a grin. "You can't let other people hold your baby before she does…"

The short haired woman walked softly towards her daughter and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Emma?"

Gasping, Emma jumped from the chair and stood bolt upright. "Mom? Where's Regina? Where's my kid-?"

"Calm down-"

But Emma barely registered the words as she held onto her mother to stand still and her eyes fell upon Regina and the baby.

Grinning from ear to ear, she approached the bed and softly sat down next to Regina.

"Hi," she whispered, kissing her wife and placing one arm around her shoulders. "How are you, my brave girl?"

"Exhausted," Regina smiled. "How's the lump in your head, Savior?"

"Oh that's nothing," Emma chuckled, looking down at the white bundle the brunette was holding. "Who's this little human?" she asked in a soft voice, removing her jacket and noticing that she had a blue bracelet on her wrist that matched with Regina's.

"Say hello to your little girl," Regina pulled the blanket a little and grinned when Emma's blue eyes went glassy with tears.

"Oh boy," Emma let out a wet, goofy chuckle when she finally saw her daughter. "You're so pretty! _She's so pretty_!" she whispered to Regina.

"I know!" Regina whispered back, offering the baby for Emma to hold.

Emma carefully enveloped her in her arms.

She was smiling goofily at her. "Hi, kid," she whispered. "It's me. Ma."

The minute she pressed her against her chest, she felt warm, like she was experiencing peace and heaven for the first time. She inhaled the scent of her child with her eyes closed, resting her cheek lightly on the little girl's head.

"Where's Henry?" she asked after a while.

"Thirty minutes away from town line," David said, checking his cellphone. "He rented a car to get here faster."

"Your big brother's gonna drool for you," Emma muttered against the baby's head.

"Have you decided on the name?" Snow asked.

"Not yet. We didn't even discuss it."

"We did," Emma said. "You just ignored me when I suggested Rogue."

"I ignored you when you suggested Princess Leah and Diana of Themyscira," Regina replied, rolling her eyes, but then sitting up straight when the baby cried. "See, she hated it too!"

"Fine, I'm sorry, kid," Emma laughed and kissed her forehead, passing her back to Regina. "I think she's hungry."

"Yes, she's going to be you through and through," Regina grinned broadly when she felt her little girl in her arms again. "Hi, baby! Do you have a tiny bottomless pit for a stomach too?"

David spun on his heels with his hands on his back, looking suddenly interested on a poster about diabetes on the wall. Regina chuckled and pulled her gown open, not really sure what breastfeed would feel like.

It felt weird. And oddly wonderful.

After a few minutes she let go, and Snow helped her lift the baby to her shoulder to have her burping.

"Snow," Regina patted the small space in the mattress beside her. Without uttering a word, the woman walked back to the bed and sat down. Emma and David took their distance to watch the biggest, most private moment between the Queen and Snow White.

David felt his chest warm up at the sight of his wife carrying the little blonde girl in her arms, and for an eternal second, he revisited the short lived moment he saw her hold Emma for the first and last time.

Regina looked up at him, and they exchanged quizzical smiles, because they understood it without saying a word.

"C'mon, grandpa," Emma patted his back. "You're next-"

XXX

When they left, Ruby showed up at the door with Granny, bringing food for Emma and flowers for Regina.

"The burgers are not even medium rare, so don't pass out on my food," Granny said, handing the paper bag to the blonde, making Regina laugh.

Emma scoffed with an eye roll.

"Holy fuck, she's _you_!" Ruby exclaimed in a whisper when she approached the bed, looking at Emma with her eyes widened. "Seriously, I'm your godmother. I know what I'm talking about. I was there!"

Granny chuckled. "You can't tell, babies don't have… Oh," she frowned as she, too, managed to take a look at the Swan-Mills girl. "I never saw a baby that looked so much like their parent!"

"Strong genes," Ruby patted Emma's back, and then turned to Regina. "But I do hope she takes the elegance and posture from you."

"We all do," Emma said, folding her arms.

"And the appetite," Granny said. "Two of them eating like that and I'm going bankrupt. Anyway, congratulations, you two. I'm going back to the diner so Dorothy can come see her too-"

When she was gone, Ruby pouted. "I want one of those!"

"Can you imagine a tiny Wolfie?" Emma said, getting a smack in the arm. "Ouch! Don't- _Kid_!" she jumped from the bed when Henry entered the room panting, his hair slightly wet from the storm. "C'mon, take that coat off and come see your sister-"

"Oh wow," he grinned, sitting down next to Regina after hugging Emma. "Hey, mom," he kissed her cheek and then looked again at the baby that was quickly placed on his arms. "Hi, Emma Jr."

"Where's Amy?" Regina asked laughing.

"Looking for a parking spot. It's packed outside," he looked proudly at his sister. "Everyone wants to take a look at you, you know?"

"I'm gonna take off and come back with Dorothy," Ruby ruffled Henry's hair. "Good to see you, genius. See you later, guys!"

Little by little, the movement in the room started to fade and then at the hospital altogether. Their room was full of presents, cards and balloons; Henry and Amy would take turns to bring coffee or an energy bar from the vending machines once Emma categorically refused to leave the room. Later on, the pair left to get some sleep at the mansion, promising to get back early the next day to take Emma, Regina and the baby home.

It was around ten when the storm transformed into a soft rain. Regina could barely stand to keep her eyes open after the nurse took her dinner tray.

"Get some rest," Emma said. "I'll hold her."

"If she cries-"

"We'll be right next to you, Gina," she interrupted with a kiss on her lips.

After fighting against it for a moment, Regina decided to take up the offer, passing their little girl to Emma.

"What if you need to pee?" she asked.

"I'll call a nurse," Emma grinned down at her. "You were amazing today."

Regina smiled softly, drifting off to sleep a second later.

The blonde paced around the room for a while, singing a lullaby that she had once learned and never got the chance to sing to anyone before.

She smiled fondly at Regina's sleeping figure, and then pressed a kiss at their baby's head.

"Your mom was incredible," she whispered. "I'm crazy about her. You're gonna be too, you'll see."

XXX

When Leroy and the other dwarves left, Dr. Whale entered the room with a large smile on his face. It was really early in the morning, and he intended to examine mother and child to be sure he could discharge them.

"Hello, Swan-Mills. Have you decided on a name yet?" he asked, checking the little girl first.

Regina looked at Emma with an enigmatic smile.

He checked on her for a minute, read through their file and nodded approvingly.

"Do you have a pen?" Regina asked him.

Whale picked one from the pocket of his lab coat and offered it to her, who quickly scribbled a name on her plastic bracelet. Emma tilted her head to read.

"Are you serious?" she asked Regina, torn between kissing her and running through the corridors to spread the news.

"I'm very serious," Regina wrote it down on their file and handed the clipboard back with his pen. "There you go, Doctor."

He looked down at it and laughed. "Cool."

XXX

Katherine was their first visitor at home.

"I can't believe I wasn't here!" she said, hugging Emma at the door. "Is it true that you fainted?"

She was tanned and a little agitated, talking about throwing a late baby shower in a few weeks. She shut up when she entered the TV room and saw the baby in Regina's arms.

"Oh my God, she's so beautiful…" she looked back at Emma. "She's… you!"

Emma laughed goofily; she loved when people said that. "But she's got Regina's full lips, see? I'm going to the kitchen. Do you want anything? Water, sweetie?" she asked Regina.

"Yes, please, dear."

"I'm good, thank you," Katherine waved a dismissive hand. She was behaving a little out of character, and Regina knew it had to do with the fact that Brad had been there, and not her.

"Kat… Emma and I discussed it, and we would like to ask if you'd be her godmother."

Her eyes went wide. "Me?"

"I can ask Brad if you're not up to it."

Katherine placed both hands on her chest, feigning offense. "Of course I'll be her Godmother! Oh my God!"

"Yeah, you were practically forced to hear her being conceived," Emma said, entering the room with water and a bag of snacks. "It's only fair."

" _Emma_!" Regina scolded her and then turned to Katherine. "She promised she would not bring that up-"

"Well, it's probably true," her friend shrugged, making Emma laugh harder. "So… What's my goddaughter's name?"

The brunette turned to Emma. "Show her your keychain."

Emma produced it from her pocket and threw it at Katherine with an amused smirk on her face as she attacked the bag of chips.

She located a hospital bracelet hooked with Emma's keys. In typed letters she read Regina's and Emma's name. Her jaw fell open when she read bellow it, with Regina's indistinguishable handwriting.

SWAN-MILLS, _Emma Jr._

She laughed out loud. "You're freaking kidding me! I loved it!"

 _October_

Regina smiled when Henry sat down in front of his computer again.

" _Pizza was here_ , _sorry_ ," he said with a smile, the image oscillating a little, turning into a blur of pixels before it went into focus again. " _So, it's quiet over there…"_

Since Henry and Amy left the campus dorm and rented their own apartment, Regina had asked for a Skype session once a week, but this was actually the first time she connected without Emma´s help. She hated to use that specific program, and almost every time she tried to do it by herself she locked up their password.

This time, the login went oddly smooth.

"I'll show you why," she picked the notebook from her office and went upstairs with it. Henry smiled when she turned it towards her bedroom.

There was one lamp on, and Emma lay sprawled on the bed, their baby snuggled comfortably on top of her chest, both fast asleep.

"She hasn't slept much this week. Baby Emma had cramps, and Senior Emma wouldn't leave her for a second."

Henry chuckled. " _How's she doing with diapers?_ "

"They both needed a _shower_ when she tried to change it for the first time, but she pretty much can handle it now," Regina grinned, watching the pair for another minute and then leaving the room to keep from waking them up.

She went downstairs and placed it back on her desk. She sat down solemnly, staring at her son for a full minute without saying a single word.

"I wish your mother had been here when you were a baby as well."

Henry grinned. " _I know, mom_. _But you did great by yourself. Look at me now!_ "

Henry had just managed to get his first book in a huge New York publishing company, and his first paycheck was dedicated to a large stack of the most valuable comic books for when Emma Junior learned to read.

"I don't want you to forget how proud I am of the man you became, and I don't want you to think that, because we have Emma Jr. now, that I don't miss you every second of the day-"

" _Mom_!" he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, chuckling. " _It's our anniversary… Amy will be back soon from her internship, and she can't see me with tears in my eyes, c'mon! You're gonna salt my game_ -"

The front door of their apartment burst open and Amy showed up dressed with a Catwoman outfit that lacked too much fabric to be an ordinary Halloween costume.

" _Hello, Mrs. Mills,"_ she said with as much dignity she could muster, walking sideways very slowly.

"Hello, dear," Regina smirked. "Happy anniversary."

" _Huh, thanks…I'm gonna… go."_

Henry face palmed, and Regina laughed whole heartedly.

" _Jesus … Please, don't tell Ma. She's gonna give me shit for the rest of my life."_

"I won't. Well, I'm going to bed with my girls here, and you can celebrate with yours over there."

He laughed awkwardly. " _Alright. I love you both. Give little Emma a kiss from me."_

"I love you too, honey. And Henry, dear?"

" _Yeah?_ "

"You two are very, very… ew."

XXX

Emma was already used to sleeping four hours a night or less, so when it was too quiet or Regina wasn't fumbling in bed next to her, she would instantly wake up. She sat up on bed, confirming she was alone; Regina's side was still warm and messy, so she got on her feet and walked towards the baby's room on autopilot.

The blonde stopped at the doorway, smiling as she leaned on it with her arms folded. The room was dim lit and Regina was softly cradling their daughter, humming a song against her tiny blonde head. She was wearing her silk robe and the Darth Vader slippers, which she now claimed her own after furtively borrowing it for five years.

Emma could watch them forever.

Regina spun around very slowly, and she smiled when she saw Emma there, half asleep against the doorframe.

"I didn't hear her crying," she muttered.

"She didn't. I got up to check on her and she was awake on her crib."

"Do you need anything from downstairs?"

"No, honey. Go to bed, you're getting up early tomorrow."

"I'll tell my boss that I was with my wife and kid all night. She'll understand," Emma said with a sleepy smirk, which made Regina chuckle.

"You're still impossible."

"And-" she yawned "-irresistible."

"Will you rest if I take her to bed with us?"

"Yes, please."

Dragging her feet, Emma followed Regina through the corridor and inside their bedroom. Using the comforter, Regina made a sort of nest in the middle of their pillows to place her there when they went to sleep.

Emma lay on her side of the bed, touching the comforter circle, making it glow white for a split second.

"What was it?" Regina whispered.

"Noise spell. It'll wake us in case we roll up on top of it as we sleep…"

She silently reached out around it and grabbed Regina's arm.

"Night, Gina," she whispered. "Night, Little Emma."

XXX

Mr. Clark smiled when she saw Regina and Emma coming down the street pushing baby Emma's stroller. The pair was all smiles, stopping to talk to people, proudly displaying their daughter to everyone on the first day of spring. He hurried inside his store and packed the damned ice cream.

He always gave them a tube when they came by. To make it up to him for Emma breaking and entering his property and ultimately bothering him after midnight, Regina issued an order to install security cameras on his shop.

"Good morning, Mr. Clark," Regina said and her face softened when she saw the brown bag on his hands. "You don't have to give us ice cream forever, Mr. Clark-"

"Yes, you do," Emma interrupted, picking Emma Jr. on her arms to look more convincing. "She looks pretty like this because of all the ice cream that was _not_ denied to my lovely wife while she was pregnant."

"And now it's _my_ lovely wife that eats all of it despite the fact that she's not pregnant, just hungry."

XXX

Life was pretty much the same in Storybrooke, except that now the Mayor and the Sheriff took turns to work, and both were seriously sleep deprived.

Neither Emma nor Regina understood the increasing connection they started to share the moment they brought baby Emma to the world. They always did things together, and they didn't stay apart from each other for long.

On the street, Gold looked at them with some sort of weird light in his eyes, as though he knew the answer and was dying to explain – a deal he would propose in exchange of putting his petty hands into some of that magic.

They decided they didn't need to know what it was; love was not a science you could explain with books.

The problem was only one. Emma was not free to screw up without Regina immediately knowing something was wrong.

Like the day Emma smashed David's Cruiser against a tree because she fell asleep behind the wheel, and Regina freaked out during Council Meeting without any apparent reason.

Even though there was no major damage because Emma was driving at twelve miles per hour at the time, Regina used the boss card to forbid her to take car patrols, at least until baby Emma had stopped crying in the middle of the night.

On general, it was no surprise to run into a milk bottle on top of a desk at the Sheriff Station or even a bag with diapers at the conference room in Town Hall.

There was usually a huge line of candidates to babysit Emma Jr. over the weekend, composed usually by Snow and David, Katherine, Brad and Ruby. It was a surprise, however, when Dorothy enlisted in secret.

"I heard Ruby talking to your mother about it the other day," she said awkwardly to Emma while she picked her coffee at Granny's. "I think she… Do you think she wants-"

"To breed?" Emma asked, stifling a yawn. "Good luck with that."

"I'm just trying to get used to babies in case she does, and unlike you, Emma is so sweet-"

Emma laughed humorlessly at her. "Stop flattering me, it won't help you get the Nanny of The Week position."

"C'mon, Barbie-"

"I'll think about it."

"Okay, great! Thank you!"

Emma turned around with a smirk on her face. When she went out of the diner, she picked her phone on her pocket and typed a message to Ruby.

 _She got the hint, but this is as far as I'm going to meddle. There's no way in hell I'm teaching her how to make a magic baby. I'm really happy for you, though._


	12. Epilogue

**Sadly, the story of the queen and the savior has come to an end… I took a shot at it, and all in all, I had a lot of fun writing this sequel.**

 **Hopefully you enjoyed it too, and I only came this far because of your constant support and kind words.**

 **Thank you, dear readers. Thank you so much.**

 **Until next time-**

 _6 years later_

"Emma!" Regina called out when the doorbell rang. She opened it and beckoned David in. "She's not ready yet-"

"Wow, you look beautiful," he said, ignoring her visible distress. "That's okay, I'll just-"

"What?" Emma asked, running down the stairs as she put on her shoes, looking confused. "Hi, dad-"

"Not you, dear," Regina shook her head. The name choice made some days chaotic at 108, Mifflin Street. " _Emma_! Your grandfather's here!"

"Grandpa!" a blonde, blue eyed girl screeched and slid down the banister, landing next to her blonde mother's boots, her Barbie backpack hanging precariously from her shoulder – the most ironic present Dorothy ever gave her. She was wearing pink lipstick, and it was a bit smudged towards her Charming chin.

"Emma," Regina scolded, crouching slightly to remove a chocolate stain from her Wolverine t-shirt and to fix the lipstick smudge. "What did I say about the banister?"

"But mom, it's fun-"

"Apparently, coming down the stairs is not dramatic enough for her Charming genes," Regina said to David. "She was at the hospital just last week-"

"She'll be fine, Gina," Emma smiled with an eye roll, massaging her wife's tense shoulders while their daughter jumped on David's arms.

"Hey, princess-"

"I'll get the list for you, Charming, wait a minute-"

When the brunette stormed off to the kitchen, David put little Emma down on the floor and ruffled her hair.

"We already have the list," he whispered to his daughter. " _Three_ copies."

"It's an upgraded version," Emma said, opening her kid's bag to check if she got everything. She smiled when she saw that, among the clothes Regina put there earlier, her daughter had added two of her older brother's comic books – it was the only thing she would read for bedtime because, apparently, Henry was the coolest person in the world and she idolized him. "Where's your blanket, pumpkin?" she asked, looking into the blonde girl's hesitant eyes.

"Neal makes fun of me when I use it."

"You tell Neal that at least your blanket doesn't smell like farts-"

"Emma," Regina muttered, pinching her wife's ass to indicate it was with her that she was mad at now. "Here, David… No candy after eight and if her stitches burst again, call me, not the hospital. I added Katherine's phone, too, just in case."

The girl ran up the stairs and came back like a rocket, this time carrying her white blanket. Snow had embroidered Emma Jr. in red letters right after she was born, and that had been her favorite blanket since then.

"C'mon, beautiful," David slung the small bag over his shoulders and opened the door. "Say goodbye to your moms and let's go."

Emma hugged her blonde mother and gave her a peck on the cheek, leaving a sticky pink stain there. "Bye, Ma."

"Bye, kid. Watch out for the knee," Emma warned with a smile, referring to the huge wound she got when they went bike riding in the woods. It almost gave Regina a heart attack when Emma Senior and Emma Junior got home, the mother covered in the daughter's blood. It was the first time Emma didn't faint at the sight of it, and she stood her ground even as she got stitches. Adrenaline, Emma would say.

"Yes, I know," the girl said, with an imperceptible eye roll that was all _Regina_. She walked towards her brunette mother, who squatted to hug her. "Bye, mom. When can I wear real lisptick to look like you?" she pointed at her mother's red lips.

Regina chuckled. "Lipstick, dear. You can wear it when you get a job."

The exasperated look was exactly like Henry's. "That's a long time-!"

"Have fun at your grandparents, and enjoy being a child for now, okay? I love you."

"Love you too," she grinned reluctantly, and then she was back to looking like Emma – that shit-eating grin that meant no good…

"Call us if she doesn't obey you or mom," Emma said quietly to David. "If she kicks Neal, he had it coming. Tell him to stop picking on her, he's twice her age-"

"I told you not to teach her violence," Regina hissed, and David used the moment's distraction to sneak out with his granddaughter in his arms.

Emma and Regina were crazy, sometimes, especially when they went out and left little Emma with someone else. Everyone in Storybrooke had THE LIST - an infamous piece of paper covered in Regina's handwriting, with important contact numbers and information such as - _Emma Junior loves animals; if you don't pay attention,_ _she will_ _pet a bear if she sees one_ or _She has a natural curiosity for fire and electricity. Pay attention when she's too quiet._

Emma told Regina that THE LIST made her sound like Damien or some sort of psycho kid, but the fact was that everyone in town ignored it, because little Emma was an extremely funny and sweet child. She was adored in Storybrooke, even with the extra energy and sugar boosts.

"Well, she's gone," Regina sighed, placing her manicured hands on her hips when she saw the Cruiser disappear around the corner of their street.

"She'll be fine," Emma said again, grabbing her wife's hands and taking a few steps back to fully appreciate the visual. She kept the new breast size after pregnancy – the Neanderthal in Emma grunted its approval; her legs and ass were still a killer inside those pencil skirts. "Dropdead gorgeous-"

Regina kissed her, chuckling. Still acting like a teenager, even after all those years. And still annoyingly hot with those arms and legs, looking like a sexy farmer that had to dress up to go to a 'city event'. She was a little surprised Emma could still fit into those tight black pants. Well, it was a pleasant surprise – she loved to look at her cute ass.

"Do you need help with that?" She pointed Emma's seemingly half-done make up.

"Do I look _that_ bad?"

Regina smirked. "I know you like mascara, but we _both_ know you can't apply it, so-"

"I'm not wearing it today, so I'm pretty much done, but thanks."

Regina found her eyes gorgeous without any make up on, and most of the time she could get lost in those blue orbs. "You're going to distract me."

"I'll go easy on you with the hand activity under the table," Emma muttered with a smirk that meant exactly the opposite.

Regina had no idea where Emma's teenager sexual drive came from, but she was never going to complain about it.

"I'm going to sit far from you," she warned, knowing full well that she _would not._ "There's no way we're repeating the incident at-" she frowned, craning her neck when she heard a door knock.

Emma reached out for it and poked her head out, surprised to find Amy Johnson at their doorstep. She was around her twenties now, but she always looked infatuated like a school girl when she saw the blonde.

"Hi, Sheriff!"

"Hi. Huh, hang on," Emma frowned, keeping her eyes trained on the girl. "Gina?"

When the blonde retreated and the brunette appeared at the door, Amy cleared her throat and rearranged her lovesick features. "Good evening, Madam Mayor. I'm here for Emma."

 _Oh God_ , Emma thought, cringing. _This girl has no respect for life-_

"Excuse me?" Regina asked.

"Emma Junior," Amy clarified, handing a piece of paper to her. "I'm going to Europe next year on this au pair program, but I don't have any experience yet… I was wondering if… I could help you with little Emma sometimes, and you could write me a letter of recommendation. If you think I can handle a child, that is."

Regina looked down at the paper, finding it very hard to concentrate with Emma rolling her ass off with laughter behind the door. She stepped heavily on her foot; Emma grunted in pain and walked away, grumbling something like 'Looks like you got it…'

"So," Regina looked up at the girl again, biting her tongue to keep her tone even, when all she wanted was to sit down and _laugh_. "You watched your younger brothers and… you can make mac and cheese."

"Not the one from the box. Real pasta with real cheese."

Regina smiled softly, almost dangerously. It would be good to have Amy Johnson in Europe; she was sick of that girl waving at Emma at every chance she had, or blatantly calling about some cat emergency even after her cat died.

"I'll talk to my wife about it, dear. We'll get back to you."

"You know where to find me!" she smiled genuinely, waving at Regina as she left.

Regina closed the door behind her with a huge grin when Emma came towards her.

"Is she hired?"

" _Minx_ ," Regina growled, showing her the curriculum. "I'll think about it."

Emma burst out laughing again. "Real mac and cheese, Gina - OUCH!" she yelped when Regina smacked her arm.

XXX

At seven thirty, Katherine and Frederick arrived with Archie and Laura. Their reservation was only at nine, so Regina decided to invite them over for drinks.

They were chatting animatedly in the living room, when Katherine put her glass of wine on the coffee table and picked a portrait from the mantelpiece. It was a picture of Emma and Regina on their wedding day, about ten years ago.

"Oh God… Do you remember it, Fred?" she smiled at her husband.

He guffawed, using his thumb to point the corridor over his shoulder. "We had to lock Emma to keep her from running away-"

There was a loud, collective intake of breath in the room. Katherine looked like she could kill him, but Emma was worried about the look on Regina's face. Cold as stone.

"I panicked," she said quietly to her wife. The room was dreadfully silent. "But I never meant to bail, Regina, I-"

Regina placed her glass down as well and graciously walked out of the living room.

XXX

 _10 years ago_

"I can't do this," Emma muttered for the umpteenth time to herself, shoving her nervous hands into the pockets of her tailored pants, watching the small crowd gathering in their backyard. There was indistinguishable conversation everywhere; the citizens of Storybrooke were laughing politely, nodding and mumbling their approval regarding the decoration and the weather.

She looked in the mirror. Ruby and Snow tied her blonde hair into a neat ponytail, and they did an amazing job applying makeup on her; she looked fine, and she knew it.

However, her stomach wasn't feeling the same way.

Emma needed Ruby. And Emma needed a drink.

Ruby always had the appropriate type of alcohol for every situation, but Ruby was also in charge of everything – guests, clean up, decoration, the band – and currently she was running outside in her bridesmaid dress with a clipboard and a radio in hand, which she constantly used to yell at someone.

Emma took a deep breath and felt her heart thud uncomfortably against her rib case. It was going to keep pumping until it burst her sternum, and then instead of a wedding with one of the brides going rogue, they would have a Tarantino movie.

She chuckled nervously at the mental picture of Regina trying to kill her.

Regina.

She wanted Regina forever. She just didn't want to get married in front of all those people. The collar of her white shirt became increasingly tighter with each passing second. She was suffocating, she was panicking, and hell… She wanted. To see. _Regina_!

She was forbidden to go near the brunette two nights ago. They had their bachelorette parties in different places, and then she was kicked out of the mansion and sent to her parents' apartment. I had been awful to wake up hungover next to her younger brother, who wanted to play and sing the minute he saw she was awake.

Now she was pacing in the guest room of the mansion, and she knew Regina was just upstairs, having her makeup and hair done by a horde of hysterical women.

 _Fuck._

 _Fuck._

Where the _fuck_ was the key to her Bug? They could just run away to Vegas and have sex in their wedding clothes, right?

She was about to leave the room, when Katherine entered, wearing the same dress as Ruby.

"Oh, you look so _elegant_!" she beamed at the Sheriff, and frowned when she noticed the look of panic on Emma's face. "Ah-ah, no sir, you're not going to do this to Regina! _Frederick_!"

Her husband hurried inside the room, wearing a dark suit, and he let out a low chuckle, earning a glare from his wife.

"Go get her something to drink."

And he was out again, returning with bourbon.

"There you go, Sheriff," he grinned, patting her shoulder as she downed it in one large gulp.

"Jesus Christ, Emma," Katherine took the glass from her shaky hands and passed it to Frederick. He locked the door as the blonde guided Emma to sit on the guest bed. "Look, it's normal to feel nervous. Just… calm down. It'll go away."

"It's not going away," Emma mumbled, looking out of the window. "Is half the country out there?" she gasped nervously, loosening her tie.

"Relax. The dwarves make it look more crowded than it actually is," she sighed, holding her hands. That seemed to be strange enough to get Emma off guard. "You're not supposed to see her in her wedding dress, so I guess this is okay-"

She showed Emma a picture she secretly snapped with her cellphone. Regina was sitting on the armchair in front of the vanity in their bedroom, wearing her silk robe and Emma's Darth Vader slippers. Her hair was tied in a bun, with tiny, glistening flowers making a crown around her head.

There were blurred women around her, but her eyes were glued to her phone, her reading glasses perched on the tip of her nose.

She looked gorgeous. She was the most beautiful woman Emma had ever seen in her life, and Emma was the only lucky bastard who would ever get to marry her. And that was the silver lining she needed to catch her breath and finally get her shit together.

Katherine saw the tiny smile curling the blonde's lips upwards and reached out to fix her collar and her tie.

"She had girly fits whenever she saw you wearing those P.D. uniforms," she chuckled. "She's going to _flip_ when she sees you in this gorgeous wedding outfit."

Emma grinned. "I'll probably be the one flat lining. Don't forget I'm the one with a nerve problem around Regina…"

Katherine patted her shoulders and smoothed the lapel of her tux. "You look really beautiful, Emma. Go make her happy."

XXX

Emma stood there, holding her beer at a loss of what to say or do. Katherine smacked Frederick's head.

"We said we were never talking about it, you idiot!"

"It's been _ten_ years, I didn't think-"

" _God_ , Frederick-"

XXX

 _10 years ago_

"Are you okay?"

Regina turned to Snow, who was standing by the door. "I think so," she chuckled nervously.

Snow grinned. "You look so beautiful…"

"You think she'll like it?"

"Like? I think you'll kill her," the woman grinned. "She wants to see you in one of those since the first date."

Regina laughed at the memory. "Oh God, you're right! And then she disappeared on me-"

"Yeah. She's not disappearing today, though," Snow smirked, and spun on her heels to leave Regina alone for a moment.

The brunette turned to look at herself in the mirror. She _looked_ good, she thought with herself. She walked towards the window and watched the small crowd on their backyard, settling down on the aisles of chairs carefully organized over the lawn. Then she noticed Laura chasing Pongo, who had his red bow tie between his teeth, and then she remembered the _bet_.

Was Emma going to freak out or run away?

It had been funny and laughable last night. Now, it gave her nausea.

What if Emma _actually_ ran off?

She was about to have a major break down, when she heard someone clear their throat behind her.

David was standing there. Maybe Snow sent him up, but the look on his face was not of someone who was bearing bad news. He didn't say he was sorry. He didn't say _Emma's_ _gone._

"Every girl should have their dad doing it," David said with a gentle smile as he saw her in her white, gorgeous dress. "I would be honored if you would let me."

XXX

Not even a minute transpired and Regina was back with her purse in the living room.

"You can breathe," she said, collecting a twenty dollar bill and passing it to Laura.

Emma stared at Regina when the room burst out laughing. She could _not_ believe her wife.

"Even you, Brutus?" she said.

Regina pulled her into a gentle hug, kissing her. "It was an innocent bet, dear. I had forgotten all about it," and then she added in undertone. "I'll bet you can make me come in less than five minutes after we get back…"

Emma's smile was borderline obscene when she drew back. "I like gambling Regina-"

When Regina wasn't looking, she rearranged her expression into a murderous one.

"Almost ten years without bringing that up, champ," Emma hissed to Frederick, and then she turned to Laura. "You're on my list, too, Mrs. Cricket."

XXX

They were sitting at their table, wondering what had happened to Ruby and Dorothy, when Archie pointed to the restaurant's front door.

"Look, there they are-"

Dorothy was walking slightly behind Ruby, who looked so grumpy that she might start a new league of dwarves.

"Oh, I remember _that_ period," Emma muttered. "Regina wanted to kill me almost every day."

"Then she didn't change much," Katherine said, making everyone laugh but the Mayor.

"Are you aiming for unemployment, dear?" Regina asked her.

Her friend grinned, pulling her chair slightly to the side to make room for the newly arrived couple. "Hello, girls!"

"Sorry we're late," Dorothy helped Ruby and her prominent belly to sit down on her chair and got her offending hand slapped. "We had a… setback."

"Yeah," Ruby snorted. "A setback called picking up a fight when we were about to leave the house!"

"I didn't pick up a fight with you. Sweetie," Dorothy added, searching for Emma with her eyes. Emma nodded, approving the calm tone even though deep inside she knew Dorothy wanted to choke Ruby. The Sheriff took slow breaths, which Dorothy followed in silence.

"She said, _wouldn't it be cool if the baby was born part wolf_?" Ruby said, making a goofy bravado to mime Dorothy's mumbling style. "Yeah, it would be _hilarious_ to have a baby wolf trying to eat people on the streets! I'm just glad that at least he won't be born half idiot like you!"

"Hey, relax!" Emma said to her. "She didn't mean it like that, Ruby. She meant it like-"

She looked sideways at Regina, the Queen of speeches.

"She loves the wolf, too, Ruby," Regina said elegantly. "She wouldn't mind if the baby was part wolf like you."

Ruby looked at Dorothy with a tearful smile. "Really?"

"Well, of course I love it-"

"Fuck, I'm sorry I'm acting like a bitch-"

When Ruby and Dorothy finally decided to find a donor, no one could have predicted how funny it would be to watch Ruby scold Dorothy for anything, all the time. The wolf thing made her far crankier than Regina had been.

"We were _that_ gross?" Emma whispered to Regina with a sickened expression at the sight of them smiling and whispering sweet nothings to each other.

"You were worse," Katherine said, gesturing to get a waiter's attention. "Two menus, please?"

"Do you remember that night we came here, on our first date?" Laura turned to Archie.

"Yeah…" he grinned. "Still feels like yesterday…"

Emma swallowed when he turned to look at her.

" _Someone_ was obsessing over the Mayor at the time-"

" _Archie_ -"

"We all saw the bug outside, Emma," Frederick said. "It's _yellow_."

"Funny," the blonde grunted as, once again everyone was laughing at her expenses. "Very funny."

"I was flattered, dear," Regina squeezed her hand. "I wanted to hate you, but you made it very hard to accomplish."

"Hate her?" Katherine spat. "You talked about her all night, Regina! About her _smile_ , and about the _flowers_ she bought for Henry to give to you, and about her carrying furniture for you, and exchanging your light bulbs-"

"I'm going to fire you," Regina hissed at her friend as the laughter increased.

They were halfway through dinner when one of the cellphones lit up. The background picture of Regina, little Emma and Henry indicated it was Emma's.

"Hey, no phone over dinner," Dorothy reminded her of their group rules.

"When you have _your_ kid sleeping over somebody else's place, it doesn't apply," Emma said, taking it from the center of the table to check the message. "It's from my mom," she said, turning to Regina.

"What happened?" the brunette asked alarmed.

"A text and a picture… 'Don't freak out, it was already loose'," Emma read out loud. "'She ran into the bathroom door'… What the-?"

She loaded the image and chuckled. Little Emma was grinning from ear to ear, one of her front teeth missing.

"It's the first one!" Regina said, looking sad that they were not there at the moment. "She looks so cute…"

"We can leave a dollar under her pillow when we get back," Emma said, pulling her wife to a one arm hug.

Towards the end of the night, Katherine and Frederick invited the others for tea at their place, which Regina politely declined due to a hot imbecile not keeping her promise about the hand activity under the table…

XXX

"So, are you ready to be a brave girl and remove the stitches, honey? Regina asked on Sunday morning, driving to the hospital after they picked little Emma at the Charmings.

"Yeah," she grinned on the backseat, and Emma laughed. She would grin at anything just because she had lost her tooth.

The blonde picked Emma in her arms when they got out of the Mercedes, making a big fuss to distract her from the entrance at the hospital. She probably needed it more than her daughter, but still…

The head nurse lifted her head when she heard the familiar laughter. She sighed.

"Show the new smile to Mrs. Johnson," Emma said, tickling the blonde girl, who chuckled.

"You look even prettier," the nurse said, patting the bed. That kid was something, she had to give them that.

Regina sat down next to their daughter and smiled down at her. "Show her how your knee is healed."

The little girl stretched her right leg proudly. "I didn't burst them anymore, Mrs. Johnson."

"Good girl," the nurse smiled. "Let's take them off. You ready, muffin?"

Regina and Emma exchanged apprehensive looks, but their daughter nodded vehemently. The head nurse did a neat, quick job with the scissor, quickly applying a ball of cotton when a small droplet of blood bust out from the seemingly healed cut.

"A band aid will do," she said to Regina. "Take more antiseptic spray, it's-"

THUMP.

Mrs. Johnson sighed and picked the phone. "Bring a wheelchair to exam room one. Mama Sheriff is out," she looked at Regina. "Your wife is a case for study, Madam Mayor."

XXX

"We shouldn't have let Emma eat that much pizza," the blonde said when Regina was preparing for bed. She was already tucked in, following the floral patterns of the bedsheet with her finger.

"Which Emma?" Regina asked with a smirk as she took off her earrings and placed them on the vanity.

The Sheriff rolled her eyes. "I'm serious. Her metabolism will accelerate like crazy and she'll wake up in a few hours _hungry_ again!"

Regina contained her desire to grin. "That's because _someone_ never established boundaries-"

"She does the puppy eyes, Gina!"

"You should've known better than to fall for that, then. You're the _inventor_ of the puppy eyes!"

"She has overcome the master," Emma shook her head. "It's not possible to say no to her."

"I'm glad you can taste your own medicine, dear," Regina chuckled, getting into bed next to her after she found her book and her reading glasses.

Emma sighed, sitting up. She rested her back against the headboard, checking Regina's book with the corner of her eye. Pizza and movie always made her energy increase, and Regina was considering a LIST for Emma Sr. too. No carbs after ten.

"You're reading that again?" she asked, checking the familiar book Regina had on her lap.

Regina scoffed. She never even finished that one because Emma wouldn't shut up when she read in bed.

"Gina?" she asked after a while.

"Mm?"

"Who's taking the Mercedes to Tillman's shop tomorrow?"

"Overhauling again?"

"It's like… your birthday. You have to go through it every year."

"That's terrible," Regina said, shuddering with the thought that, within a year, she would turn fifty.

Emma chuckled. "Unlike some hot Mayors in this town, cars usually get rusty and require some fixing."

"Are you comparing me to a vehicle?"

"Wha-? Of course _not_! I-"the blonde sighed at the smirk on her wife's lips. "That's mean."

"The babbling is distracting me. I can't read."

"Sorry."

Regina was distractedly rubbing her thumb over the fading dandelion's tattoo on the blonde's wrist. Emma sighed and fumbled a little to get comfortable. Her silence lasted five minutes. Or less.

"Gina?"

"Mm?"

"Are we hiring Amy Johnson to babysit Emma?"

"Missing her fangirling over you, are we, dear?" Regina muttered, her eyes still glued to the pages she was reading.

"No. I miss _you_ fan _mayoring_ over me."

She sounded cranky, like a child that was not getting enough attention. Regina smirked to herself. She loved that imbecile.

"I'm still thinking about it," Regina said with a grimace, flipping the book shut and placing it on her bedside table. "I'm going to check on her-"

When she left, Emma picked the stupid book that was getting more attention than her and noticed it had a fake paper cover; she went lazily through a few pages and her eyes caught some dirty words… She chuckled in surprise when she read one paragraph.

So, the Queen _really_ liked porn…

"She's sleeping like a rock- What?" Regina asked, closing the door behind her when she noticed the book on Emma's hands.

"Sex in the barn, Gina?" Emma said with a dirty smirk.

"It's literature," she said matter-of-factly.

"For farmers."

She was turning into a deep shade of crimson as indignation fell upon her face. "Well, so what if I still have fantasies? I don't-"

"Did you use the muffling spell on our door, Ma'am?" pretending to salute her with an invisible hat.

Regina blinked in surprise; she knew that husky tone, and she knew that dirty look. She locked the door and turned to Emma with a defiant, lascivious smirk.

"So…" Emma grinned. "This chapter you marked here… Do we have handcuffs _and_ a saddle in the room?"

"Less talking, more pants removing, Miss Swan," Regina said. "We have one hour or less until _your_ daughter wakes up-"


End file.
